My Dad lost his partner of 47 years in February. I offered to let him and his dog (a dachshund) move in with me, which they did. I find I am having a lot of difficulty dealing with his dog. She does not like anybody but him. She's not a biter, but barks at everyone, even passers by outside, and at many common noises. She begs and whines at the table, she picks on my cats, and she's a constant whiner in the car. I feel he has an unhealthy obsession with her, unable to be without her for more than a couple of hours so he insists on bringing her with us almost everywhere we go. I have set a few rules but it was an uncomfortable conversation and the dog is straining our relationship badly. He will not make more than feeble efforts to stop her behaviors and becomes upset if I try to stop them. Help?
I understand about the cats., we also have cats, and they are a totally different kind of pet! Quiet and normally clean. You mentioned the pup eating cat vomit? What is that about? My cats never vomit in the house, why are they vomiting? The poor dog had probably never seen that before and dogs are more curious about things in my opinion. She did back off when you told her too, so she has some manners. Maybe don;t yell, just talk sternly?
Please go gently with dad and puppers, they are dealing with alot of changes ( as are you I know). The dog will settle in if she feels welcome and safe.
Ssshhhhhh! Very commanding and snapping your fingers will teach them to be quite much quicker.
My mom has loud, obnoxious dogs and she doesn't want them corrected. I just correct them and let her be mad. I don't ever yell and I would never touch them, other than to get their attention, like tapping them on the shoulder and shooshing them. I always tell them good girl when they comply with the command.
I agree with Pamzi that they are both grieving and trying to figure it out. But I think now is the time to enforce good behavior in both of them. Telling the dog to be nice when dealing with the cats is completely acceptable and you should explain to dad that everyone has to feel safe or the situation is not going to work and the cats lived there 1st and they will not be treated badly by anyone. It is unfair.
Try dealing with the dog by being quiet yet firm with your commands, follow up with a special treat that she only gets when she gets it right. She is obviously food motivated and that is a HUGE plus. I would do something like hot dogs or beef jerky or whatever she loves in tiny bites, bribery works and I encourage it to make friends with the dog and teach her that listening to you has big rewards.
Explain to dad that dogs feel safer when they know their place in the pack and it is actually cruel to let her flounder trying to figure it out. You are the ALPHA now and dad is an underdog as is his dog, once she figures that out she will be happier. Obviously don't tell him that he is no longer top dog but, you know and show the dog, she will get it.
Best of luck!
Most of those behaviors seem like typical dog behavior, especially If both the dogs and cats hadn't been around each other before. Extra treats and a room for the cats that is dog free will go a long way.
You are all getting used to a new situation. He's grieving, he's got a new routine, and new home, and we are in a pandemic that restricts our usual outlets. You are getting used to someone else in your place, and a cat person getting used to a dog. As long as the dog is house trained, and not aggressive like biting, he's probably doing as best as he can. Dogs grieve too, and he lost a parent, and a home, and is living with cats that dont want to play!
I predict that things will settle down in time. The dog will get used to new smells, and new sounds and barks less.....but will probably not ever not bark at all, that's just a dog. The cats will figure out that a few claws will make the annoying dog back off. And everyone can go back to usually ignoring each other.
Give it 6 months and see where you're at. Plenty senior residences allow dogs, at least up to a certain size. Lots of people have dogs and cats in my moms Independent/Assisted living. They walk them or hire someone to do it. Dad might be ready for his own space by then.
But...
They are truly German through and through. (I mean no offence to anyone in my next few lines.) My Husband was German. For almost 34 years I called him "My Stubborn Pig-headed German". the dogs are much like that.
they are HOUNDS. They bark. And they like to get the last word in so when you tell them quiet they will bark a few more times!
They are protective of "their people" and are often 1 person dogs. (and typically are not great with young kids) they are also protective of "their" property. And what they see is theirs. So anyone passing by is invading their space.
Get a crate for the dog. It may take a bit of time for the dog to adjust but she will. When she pesters the cats scold her. (sometimes a spray bottle with water in it is a great distraction to get her away from the cats)
Tell dad that it is unsafe for the dog in the car unless it is in a carrier so leave the dog at home. (When I leave I tell mine to "hop in" and they run to their crate, hop in and wait for me to give them a bit of a treat)
Just as you are "training" the dog you will "train" your dad.
It comes down to "MY house MY rules" and if he does not want to play by your rules I suggest on an outing you take him to tour a few Independent or Assisted Living places and let him know that he can choose one.
So, more than one problem. Too messy for me. If it comes down to it, would I be unreasonable in requiring him to see a therapist first, if he wants to come back and stay with me?
I think that you are probably not a viable solution for his future housing needs. It is hard for men to listen to their daughters telling them anything, so it is not a battle that should be waged again.
If it doesn't work with sister he needs to go to a facility that allows him to do what he wants and it doesn't affect your household.
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