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My mom has a strong urge to do her own banking. In the past I would take her and it was so draining as she does not understand banking, checking, etc. Now that she is in the AL she still wants to be taken to the bank. I can bow out now because as the guardian it is not really my business or duty. But she continues to call and ask to go. My brother the conservator won't take her and I don't blame him. He takes her cash as often as she needs it, and maybe too often. We have tried giving her record keeping duties and her own statements and registers to keep her busy but she won't do them. She just wants to go to bank and talk and make changes, withdrawals, and deposits etc. Frankly it's embarrassing as none of it makes any sense. Has anyone had any success providing their loved one with a "sense of participation" in their banking?

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My mom doesn't comprehend how banking works anymore, how a debit card works, & complains why she doesn't get her pension checks, etc. I just take her to an atm machine when she wants cash or the store and prompt her through the steps. The C. U. suggest we take away the debit card, but she would just go ballistic. Recently she found her old C.U. Statement, and got very upset, saying she never made these purchases much less remembers me taking her to these places (she doesn't drive) and accused me of doing it! I just tolerate her stubbornness to still have some control.
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I stopped taking my mom to the bank. She kept losing bank cards, identification cards, the works. She "remembers" the bank tellers where she lived in SC and so confuses them with MD bank tellers. She was so "clutchy" with her money, I had to bring in all reinforcements just to get her to do the POA so I can handle her finances. She had many outstanding bills. She believed that her money is for her to squander, now that she was retired, not to pay for a caregiver. I am her daughter and should pay for the caregiver. Just the other day, somehow, she found an old bank statement and called the bank and was told she had less than what she thought was in there. When I got home from work it was over for me! So to reduce the anxiety for her, and keep peace in my home, I just change the subject when she mentions the bank and remind her that anything that she needs, she has. No worries, she's blessed to not have to carry money around and keep up with it. She mumbles, but soon forgets, only to mention within another week or so.
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Forget appeasement. Forget nice. For the sake of your sanity, on no account allow your mom to do more than file bank statements at home or be able to use one bank account, entirely separate from the rest of her finances, funded by tiny monthly standing order, to give her some pocket money to play with. 

My dear  AL friend, for whom I have proxy, used to work in a bank and so  a few years ago, in her early stages of dementia with her familiar but generally absent bank manager seeing nothing wrong, the bank counter staff believed her over me and they stupidly helped her to empty out several of her savings accounts (holding thousands) to pay scammers before I took my friend to a local judge to stop it all. There was even an unauthorised overdraft that her cousin paid off and she had to pay back from her pension.

So be firm - your brother is absolutely right -  and just ignore your mother's pleas. "Participation" is all very well in theory and in nice fluffy articles "how to assist your loved one to get through current difficulties" - but in practice, it's a total no no . 
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Hi cmagnum. Good question. Here the guardian has duties over living conditions and most health decisions, and should stay out of financial matters. The conservator has all financial duties and decisions. If there is not a person for each role, one person can do both roles, but it is not preferred by the court.
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I am lucky neither the husband or wife for whom I was made their POA obsessed about writing checks. i had the authority over all their finances and monitored things online for a while and when I got them into a memory care apartment, just took the checkbook. They never missed it and no longer needed it or remembered how to use it. I also got the wife's wallet so all the credit cards she carried were safe. The husband still had a card in his wallet but had forgotten to make the call to activate it. When he tried to use it and it didn't work, I asked him to give it to me to check on. Now I have that one, too, and never activated it. The wife passed away and the only time the husband leaves his facility is when I take him to the dentist or eye doctor. We stop for coffee and a cookie and he tries to pay, but has no money and quickly forgets after I pay instead. I have his checkbook with to do the copay and he never says anything. I am lucky this has not been an issue--life is simpler, the bank is happier and all his finances are safer. I like the strategies suggested here--good, creative answers that respond to the need in a safe way. And I am lucky that they saved a lot of money, had long term care ins. and had made IRA investments I can now use for their care.
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An elder with dementia be should not be allowed to handle finances.
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It is my understanding that if someone is a parent's guardian, then they have total control. I'm not sure what the role of someone with "conservator"ship is when someone else is guardian. Thus, I'm confused as to why you see this as none of your business.
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I can see myself here one day. I have gone hungry when I was young. I was never homeless but I have lived in an apartment with no bed, fridge, table, etc. I worry about being a bag lady on the streets or in the river bottom. My financial advisor says I won't, but I can see myself, as my mind goes, worrying about money. Wonder what my kids will do.
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We were able to keep Mom home almost to the end and she had always taken care of the household book work. She had her system and it was easy to follow. We'd sit every Saturday morning and update the budget book for anything that came in that week to be paid and I'd make out the checks and she would sign them. Mom was one of those envelope ladies for her cash which included grocery $, $ for going to lunch, cash for the mower kid or snow removal guy and gas $. Once a month we wrote a check for cash and a list of how it was to be broken down. When her sister came during the week they went to the bank for the cash and then the next week when I got there we put it away. I made sure to take the mail with me otherwise she'd get nervous and drive herself to the Post Office.

One busy project was her change. She had a big bank and any time we went spent cash the coins went in the bank. Once a month the job of the week was to sort, count and wrap the change. Then during one of my visits I'd swap her bank for mine and she's have another job to do the next week. I'd take the rolled coin with me and fill her empty bank back up with a certain amount of it and the rest I'd put in the "Christmas Account". It kept her feeling like she was being productive and at the end of the year there would be a little extra she could give me to do her Christmas Shopping with.
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I did this with mom when she wanted to visit her money - she had 2 banks so I took her to the one with least money - a few days before, I made an app't to talk to someone & told Rebeka what the scenerio would be like - mom had a GIC coming due in a few months so of course she couldn't touch it or there would be a withdrawal penalty & I as P.O.A. had already made arrangements for when the maturity date came

I took mom to app't & she said what she wanted done with the GIC which was exactly what I decided she would have done [before dementia] so that was really good for me - she then wanted to take out money - there was only about $250 in the account but we said some had to stay to keep account open to deposit GIC in - she took out $200.00 but when she went to do it her arthritis was so bad she couldn't sign her name clearly & wanted to start again - so Rebeka stepped forward & said a pre-arranged piece 'oh you don't need to do that because you have a family member with you who can just witness your signature' so I was able to get my signature on it because mine was the legal one needed but mom felt she was the person doing the banking [always try to give them their dignity]

Rebeka then took a pix of mom & I in front of bank machine with bank logo everywhere [again pre-arranged] - when I wheeled mom across parking lot for lunch she was so happy & exclaiming over & over again how great the bank had been - if someone filmed it she could have done a commercial for them right there

I printed out the pix & next few times she asked I would show her the pix saying we were just there [once I was wearing the same outfit] so because her memory is so short she thinks she has just been -

FYI it took 5 to 6 hours for all this including sending a thank you card to Rebeka [only 2 times I ever saw her] & stopped by to tell her manager just how fantastic she was with mom [I believe you can't complain if you don't give thanks for a job well done]

As to your mom why can't a new account be made with just you & mom on it with a small amount of money - if she says why so little - tell her [even if you are lying/ stretching facts a bit] that she arranged that most would be in savings & premium accounts to get much better interest but only 1 withdrawal per month allowed without big charge [to keep her away from it ] & that happens on last day of month or some other date which will be in about 3 days after when you go - take pix with you both & give her a copy - think out ahead of time all questions so you have easy answers to come of you lips - hope this helps
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I have POA for Mom's everything. Several times a week she wanted to go the bank to withdraw money. She only ever dealt in cash. She only recalls she has a savings account and denies she's ever had a checking account (which was true). She no has a checking account that I pay all her bills. She has her original savings account where I keep a couple hundred. We make a show for her to go through the drive-through, and she has her savings passbook, and I tell the teller how much. Mom's happy that she can pay for lunches.

Plus, if she gets hit by another phone scammer--she got the to bank before she had round-the-clock care years ago--and tried to withdraw thousands. The teller caught on and immediately told Mom this was a scam. That's about when I stepped in to take care of her finances and only keep a few hundred in the only account she knows about. Now it's all moot since she has total care and can't leave the house without us.
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Agreeing with whoever said that, believe it or not, it is a phase that will eventually pass. For my mom it took a long time as she is very money-oriented and would spend time poring over her accounts, moving money from account to account, etc. It was a very trying time making the transition to me handling the money. It sounds like you have tried the typical "fake paperwork" approach. Maybe you could take her to the bank at a time/day when it wouldn't be too busy. Then if she was overstaying her welcome, tell her we have to go because...fill in the blank with another errand, appointment, or some other excuses. This is a tough one. Good luck.
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As you said...it is no longer your responsibility.....so let it be..my mom would get stuck, an divert her attention without to much talk..what does she enjoy, music, books she can listen to, my mom enjoyed going back in time & talking about her family even when she did not know me, an l always told her how much these family members loved her...things l didn't know anything about. Yes it made me a liar....but my job as a care giver was to make her as comfortable, an happy, safe, as l would a child. At the end of life, mom still knew my 3 siblings, but not me, she knew me as the hired help...an said l was her best friend & she loved me an wanted to go were l go..l told her she was my best friend &l loved her & was going to walk her to heavens door, an did. When our loved ones are sick, it is so easy to get lost in what is important. The best to you. In my faith l want to wish you the best, God Bless you & you are in my prayers in your journey.💝
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My mom used to do her banking online until it frustrated her because she forgot how to log in. I solved the problem by pretending to log in on my phone when in reality I was just showing her a photo of her bank balance in her accounts. This worked. She no longer asks about her money, banking or anything else for that matter. I have my name on the account and have POA over everything so this was never an issue.
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My aunt loves the women at her bank. She used to have them over for lunch. We went through the times she wanted to draw out large amounts of money and she would loan and give away money whenever she felt like it.
I still take her to visit but not as often. She can’t remember many of their names these days and has no desire to handle cash any longer.
I imagine this phase will pass for your mom as well.
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My mother is whispering to my daughter that she wants a ride to the bank. We give her cash (dollar bills as she’s in AL) and she ‘loses it’ which means it’s stashed somewhere in her living area. My daughter doesn’t want to get dragged into a scene at the bank. I guess we’ll put her off as long as we can. I suspect she’s saving up to buy a car and drive away. She believes she can drive! She’s lost most of her mobility and a good portion of her reasoning as well!
~sigh~
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Tell her it's a bank holiday and her branch is closed, but let's make a list of what instructions she wants to give them "for later".

I'm sorry. I know this must get very wearing. My mother went through a phase of worrying about how she was to manage her money, several times a day, long after my Sister had taken up her financial POA duties. I came to think it was a generalised anxiety expressed through this one topic, on a loop.
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There is a point at which appeasement is everything. The things you say and do will not be remembered but will save everyone's sanity for the moment. That is very important. So, we appease.

Myheartisbroken (so sorry about that, honey), is on the right track. One wonders at the same time how much time the bankers have and how patient they are. How about creating a Budget and/or Chart for your mom so that she can (at home) "organize her money." Bring her deposit and withdrawal slips to "organize" and "play" with.

Just keep the word "appeasement" foremost in your mind. It works. My poor mom is so far gone now that we have to tell her every day that her mom and dad are coming to get her "tomorrow." She is then appeased, content, happy.

Good luck!
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It sounds like you and your brother do not have financial power of attorney. I would ask an estate lawyer to see what your other options are. Banking will not be the only thing you need to worry about. There are other financial matters/responsibilities that you have to take over. She can be easily scammed by friends, neighbors, relatives, and even the nice lady at the bank. With the lawyer and doctor, she might be convinced to make you her financial PoA and your life would be much less aggravating. If you wait too long and her condition gets worse (and it will!), it will be much more difficult and expensive to gain financial poa. Good luck.
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@Myheartisbroken that is what she needs I think. Hopefully we can accomplish that at least occasionally.
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She wants to do what's familiar to her. My Mother was best friends with her bank lady. She feels like shes losing her ability to care for herself, and that at her age who should tell her she can't go to the bank. I would suggest, take her let her chat and talk to the bank staff prior to the visit. If you have power of attorney then let her tell them what to move around or do and if you don't agree just tell them not to do it. A wink to someone in the know goes a long way. They can give her anything to sign to appease her. It's a small thing to give her joy in her final stage of life.
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