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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Would you want to know if your child had died? I'm guessing you would. I think more harm would be done by not telling this person than if you did. And if they can't physically attend the funeral, the family can always have it available on Zoom or the like. A parent deserves to be able to grieve their child, regardless of their health issues. And if it speeds up the parents leaving this world too, well then you can take comfort in the fact that they will be together for eternity.
dear OP, please tell your bedridden family member their child died. i would absolutely want to be told, no matter what. i would hate someone to hide that information from me. (in my case, i actually prefer to know the truth about anything: i don't want to live in illusions. but in particular, if my child died, i would want to be told, no matter how sick/frail i am).
Being blunt, I think it's presumptive to consider that you or other family member has information a parent has the right to know, but that you have made a decision on their behalf, w/o their knowledge or permission, to withhold critical information.
I would be livid if I were the parents and someone withheld information from me. It would likely terminate any relationship I had with the person who withheld the information.
Are you hoping that everyone will reply "no! For heaven's sake don't tell!"?
If your child had died, would you want to know? Was the family member aware that this might happen? How long since the family member's stroke? Did the stroke affect the family member's mental capacity? If the family member can't realistically be taken to the funeral, would it be possible to set up a virtual service that can be joined in the home?
On the one hand: If the child's death is sudden, came out of the blue; the family member's stroke was recent and his/her mental condition and mood make him/her emotionally highly vulnerable; there is not any means of facilitating attendance at the funeral; it is unlikely that s/he would find out from any other source... then the answer is probably "not yet."
On the other: If the stroke has affected the family member only physically, and the family member is aware of the possibility and asks about the child, and it will be possible to provide bereavement support including involvement in mourning... then yes. Look up guidance to help you deliver bad news gently.
Need more information on the circumstances. I do not fully understand how you would expect a bedbound person to be able to attend funeral services without a good deal of transportation expense. I also do not know why you would NOT tell a family member of a death. Can you explain for me? A celebration of the loved ones life at their own home or facility might be appropriate with talking about the loved one, sharing photos, scrapbooking an album of memories?
Of course! What gives you the right to think you have a choice in the matter? This is their CHILD who's died, not a friend or an in law!
When my mother had advanced dementia, in the last year of her life, I avoided telling her bad news. If her brother in law or sister in law died, or her nephew who suffered from brain cancer for 8 years, for example, I did not tell her. But, if her child died, I'd certainly tell her and bring her to the funeral as well. To not do so would be unforgivable in my opinion. If the news gave her a heart attack and she died a bit sooner than she would have, so be it. Then she would have been reunited with the rest of her family that much sooner.
It really depends. If they have Dementia, I may not do it. If they are competent than they should be told. Going to the funeral depends on if they are capable to get out of bed.
I was extremely angry at a beloved family member who refused to tell me my cat had died because, in their mind, it would be too stressful for me to cope with it. I really never got over my resentment at them making that dreadful decision for me, not even years later. I can only imagine how much worse the feelings of betrayal would be if it was the death of an actual child being hidden from me, rather than a cat.
You don't KNOW how the family member will react and you might well be surprised by the accpetance that they feel as they themselves are approaching death.
My paternal grandmother was dying, slowly, and her only daughter passed away from cancer. It was not a surprise, but still, very sad for gma.
OF COURSE they told grandma! She had every right to know about her daughter's death, and to mourn the life of this beloved daughter. It did not shorten gma's life, and if it had, so what? She was beyond ready to go!
People are a LOT stronger than we give them credit for.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And if they can't physically attend the funeral, the family can always have it available on Zoom or the like.
A parent deserves to be able to grieve their child, regardless of their health issues. And if it speeds up the parents leaving this world too, well then you can take comfort in the fact that they will be together for eternity.
dear OP, please tell your bedridden family member their child died. i would absolutely want to be told, no matter what. i would hate someone to hide that information from me. (in my case, i actually prefer to know the truth about anything: i don't want to live in illusions. but in particular, if my child died, i would want to be told, no matter how sick/frail i am).
I would be livid if I were the parents and someone withheld information from me. It would likely terminate any relationship I had with the person who withheld the information.
If your child had died, would you want to know?
Was the family member aware that this might happen?
How long since the family member's stroke?
Did the stroke affect the family member's mental capacity?
If the family member can't realistically be taken to the funeral, would it be possible to set up a virtual service that can be joined in the home?
On the one hand:
If the child's death is sudden, came out of the blue; the family member's stroke was recent and his/her mental condition and mood make him/her emotionally highly vulnerable; there is not any means of facilitating attendance at the funeral; it is unlikely that s/he would find out from any other source... then the answer is probably "not yet."
On the other:
If the stroke has affected the family member only physically, and the family member is aware of the possibility and asks about the child, and it will be possible to provide bereavement support including involvement in mourning... then yes. Look up guidance to help you deliver bad news gently.
I also do not know why you would NOT tell a family member of a death.
Can you explain for me?
A celebration of the loved ones life at their own home or facility might be appropriate with talking about the loved one, sharing photos, scrapbooking an album of memories?
When my mother had advanced dementia, in the last year of her life, I avoided telling her bad news. If her brother in law or sister in law died, or her nephew who suffered from brain cancer for 8 years, for example, I did not tell her. But, if her child died, I'd certainly tell her and bring her to the funeral as well. To not do so would be unforgivable in my opinion. If the news gave her a heart attack and she died a bit sooner than she would have, so be it. Then she would have been reunited with the rest of her family that much sooner.
My paternal grandmother was dying, slowly, and her only daughter passed away from cancer. It was not a surprise, but still, very sad for gma.
OF COURSE they told grandma! She had every right to know about her daughter's death, and to mourn the life of this beloved daughter. It did not shorten gma's life, and if it had, so what? She was beyond ready to go!
People are a LOT stronger than we give them credit for.
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