Hi, my dad is an 81 year old clever man with PTSD and dementia. He has been in the memory care facility now for two weeks. This week is #3. My parents moved with me 3 years ago to Phoenix. I care for them both with my husband. I also have a 15yo daughter. Dad started to get aggressive with my mom and would often wander away from the home and get lost. This is why I had to place him somewhere. He is also a disabled vet 💯 %P&T. I’m self pay for this beautiful facility because I didn’t want him to go to the places here that I felt weren’t up to my standards. The community sits off by itself separated by an open field. It’s beautiful one story ranch homes separated by severity of diagnosis. Dad is in a locked home that has codes in the doors to get in and out. The windows are big and have a screen that pulls back. Last week dad got out, pulled the window off track and pushed the screen out and fell. They took him to the hospital, he was examined, and released back to the home. The maintenance fixed the window so it can’t open. Last night he did it again. He went into the activity room, pull the window open and left! He had a pillow case with clothes, 3 depends in there socks, everything he needed to survival, except food. It was rolled military style. They came looking for him and noticed he was gone. They immediately started looking for him and saw him walking across the field. They caught him and cohersed him to get in the car and brought him back. I went there, spoke to him. He says he wants to leave and come home. I told him he has to get better but he doesn’t understand. Tomorrow Monday, I’m going to speak with administration and possibly look for a more secure facility. I’m paying almost 5k a month for this lavish place, but this shouldn’t be happening. I have a sister who is overseas who tries to help and two disconnected brothers who don’t do anything. It’s a lot to deal with. Open for any suggestions you may have. Also I work full time as well as my husband. He is helpful also, but I’m emotionally run down.
After 5pm, my Dad use to get into his time machine and go back to the 1940's, talking about needing to get to a meeting, that he missed the bus as he wanted to go to the diner for dinner, etc.
I am thinking that is also happening to your Dad, since he had his clothes rolled military style.
I agree with cwillie, time for the facility to limit how far their windows will open. You'd think that would have been a given.
It sounds like he needs a more secure facility that monitors him more closely, keeps him busy with different activities, SOCIALIZATION opportunities, etc.
$5,000.00 a month is on the low end of memory care facilities in my area. Poshness is not an indicator of the care that will be received or the safety of the facility or the suitability for our loved ones.
And are you, personally, paying dad's fee?
Best of luck
I would ask at every place what their emergency evacuation plans are. Because your dad is obviously very creative and clever he needs supervision because he will figure out how to escape. Sheesh, taking the window out of the frame proves how determined he is and how some circuits are still firing fully.
Have you checked into a care home setting? Less people so it is likely his night time activity would be noticed. You are fortunate that you have over 3500 facilities in the greater Phoenix area with more opening all the time.
Good luck finding a place that he can be content.
And when it comes to emergency evacuations I'd rather rely on proper safety equipment and well trained staff than hope that the frail and/or demented could save themselves.
Document your experiences. And their responses. Also check out other facilities and what their secure facility means. I kinda admire your dad for his determination.
His desire to escape and "go home" whatever than means to him at the time probably wont change with a new facility, it isn't this facility he's running from it's anywhere, he was wandering from your house too so I doubt reasoning with him is going to do any good. Does Mom visit him there, I mean spend enough time with him for him to think of it more as home and less like "a home"? Have you set up his space with familiar furniture or belongings so it's more familiar and maybe feels more like home? It's worth a try. I do think it takes some longer than others to settle in to a move like this and 3 weeks isn't a long adjustment time based on feedback I'v heard and seen. Sorry...
The windows in Dad's apartment would rise up only a few inches, thus he wouldn't get out if so desired, nor could anyone come in from the outside. And all the rooms had ceiling sprinklers in case of a real fire.
Wow. That is some mindset isn't it. Never underestimate depression era peeps. Their determination is fierce. Blind and on a walker. And made it 2 miles! Glad nothing happened to her but, wowsa.