My dad is 93 yrs old and still lives in the house I was born in. He fell in May and now needs 24/7 care. WOW is it expensive!! Almost 11,000 a month of his hard earned money which is quickly dwindling down. While the caregivers feed him and mop the floor, that's it! They don't play games or interact with him at all as far as giving his brain some stimulation. We (his children) want to move him and he could live with our brother. It's an ideal situation and we could see him all the time! But he is adamant about living in his house. He has dementia and wouldn't remember our conversation about money. We thought about telling him we are going on a vacation and then have him just stay at my brothers house. We would LOVE to have him close by instead of 1000 miles away.
So, POA is NOT enough to "take care of placement." It does allow you to sign for the person and make [some] financial or medical decisions, depends on how it is set up as to what one can do, but in general it does NOT give you the authority to move someone.
To drive this home further, AFTER mom was already in MC, a staff member told me they can't force ANY resident, even those with dementia, to do what they are refusing to do - medication, shower, EMS trip to hospital, transport to necessary medical treatment, etc. Their hands are tied just as much as ours are! I have watched them work with the person, coaxing them, doing what they could to get the person to agree, allowing THEM to make the decision. Granted they don't have POA, but the point is that the LAW prevents us from forcing others, even those with compromised cognitive abilities, to do what they refuse to do. POAs just make you a proxy for signing docs, making financial decisions FOR them as if you WERE them.
Also, not sure why you say MC would be a shared room. Our mother has her own room, she doesn't share with anyone. One place YB found did show us a shared space - 2 bedroom with a shared bath. I didn't ask, but presumably for more money she could have a private room. It was too far away for me and I knew I would be the one doing all the work and visits, so there's that. But, the cost of that shared room/space was hundreds more than the place I felt was best. She's been in the one I thought best for over 4.5 years now and only this year has the monthly cost gone over the price quoted almost 5 years ago for that lovely shared space with a view of the parking lot and a 4 lane highway! Mom's room looks out into an enclosed garden area. Can't imagine the cost of that lovely space now! Think of all the money I saved for her not going there and all the money, time, stress and strain I saved for me as well!
Not all AL or MC places are the same. Hers IS a private pay endowed facility and I only just recently found out that if someone's funds run low, there are ways to tap into the endowment so they don't have to move! I doubt we will need that, but it is nice to know!
He would be better off. With dementia I often have to give alternative facts to get him to comply. It is hard but for his good.
It is the sad reality of helping a loved one who cannot reason. Prayers 4 u all💜🙏🏾💜💜
I would tell Dad that we are going on vacation and then move some of his personal stuff that looks like home to a room where he would be staying I believe that is your best option and I applaud you and your family for wanting to care for your elderly father!
God bless all of you and best wishes!
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