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Could anyone advise who to chose for medical POA between 2 daughters for remaining parent? All are on good terms and in equal close proximity. It is more of an emotional issue as both are capable.
There should only be one primary POA with a back up. Also, while getting Medical POA she should assign a financial. There is someone on this forum now who has MPOA and no financial so is having a problem now that Mom has Dementia getting her SS signed over to a NH.
Neither POAs can come into effect unless the person who assigned them cannot make an informed decision.
I plan on having #2 daughter as financial (her strongsuit) with #1 backup and for Medical #1 as primary (she's an RN) and #2 as backup.
As stated, both should be asked if they are comfortable with being assigned.
That is almost the exact scenario These POA s are for future of well parent. Financial is in effect with daughter in finance. I suggested other daughter for medical although she is not in that field. Will continue to discuss it. Spouse had major stroke almost 2 years ago. Fortunately a very good elder care lawyer worked to get POA for the well spouse with gentle conversations.
Have you asked them if they have a preference? My sister and I were listed jointly and severally (either or) so we both had the ability to act, although the reality was that my sis deferred to me completely. If you feel you must choose just one I imagine one daughter is somewhat more apt to take the lead when they are together so you may as well choose her.
This is a very important decision. I would suggest sitting down with both daughters and a lawyer to iron out the details. Unless there is absolutely total agreement between the children on who does what, there could be big problems in the future.
And there rarely is total agreement between siblings! I had made my RN daughter my health care POA, and both she and my son durable POA--with both having to agree on something before spending. All of my accounts have named beneficiaries, so the co-Executors of the will won't have all that much to do except pay any outstanding bills. However, I am now consulting the best elder care lawyer in the city, and he says to give both my kids durable POA able to act independently to pay my expenses in event of incapacitation--the health care POA will definitely need immediate access to cash at times. My single childless daughter doesn't particularly trust her brother. I suppose that because he has a wife with a heart problem, a diabetic daughter who may not get insurance because of pre-existing conditions when she turns 26 five years from now, and another daughter who is 13 with future college tuitions, he might want to cut corners on my health care to increase his inheritance. On the other hand, my daughter says she is leaving everything she has to the Humane Society and not to her brother and his 2 daughters!
My daughter now is the acting medical POA for her father, my ex who is in a nursing home. My Ex did not appoint any POA's for medical or financial POA in event of incapacity, a state in which he now is. He did put our daughter on his bank account, and she pays his expenses from that. However, that account is almost exhausted after 2 1/2 years in nursing home (he has Lewy Body dementia). He does have substantial stock holdings, but I presume both my son and my daughter will have to go to an attorney to get permission to sell those. If he dies, they go 50/50 which is why neither has wanted to sell them.
I would prefer to leave everything to my son as he has a family, but I don't want my daughter to hate me and him forever, as my sister hates me because my mother left everything to me as I was the one who took care of her and my sister never came to visit her. I did give my sister half of the money from the sale of my mom's house even though I didn't have to. Sometimes I wish I didn't have any assets!
My brother and I share that responsibility. He usually agrees with me when we talk about what to do for dad, it’s worked well for us to this point. It sounds as if the daughters would work well together and if the remaining parent has expressed wishes that will help guide them.
I'd make sure both are on all HIPPA forms. While I was the POA for both of my parents, my brothers were the next in line should I be unable to fulfill my responsibilities. I always put down names of immediate and trustworthy family members on HIPPA forms. That allowed more than one of us to listen in on medical conversations with doctors and nurses. For myself, I always make sure my husband and both my daughters are on my HIPPA forms--just in case I need their input.
I would do a conference call and find out how they feel about it and get agreement between them that no matter who has the authority that they will decide together, it really is about honoring your wishes so it is easy to fulfill when we have all of our paperwork done. I would think that would put any concern of favoritism to bed and make them feel respected. Just my opinion.
I sure wish that there was a national standard for all this paperwork.
I had a friend that had to have her husband on life support for a week while they battled about a DNR from Idaho being accepted in AZ.
I can't imagine that there isn't a place for a back up, what happens if your MPOA is knocked in the head and ends in a coma the day before you need help? Yikes.
If it is a form, she may be able to have an attorney draw one up that accommodates successor or even joint MPOA.
I'm in AZ and all of our forms through the state attorney general's website have a place for multiple POA. It confuses me why NY wouldn't think about the named being unavailable or ?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Neither POAs can come into effect unless the person who assigned them cannot make an informed decision.
I plan on having #2 daughter as financial (her strongsuit) with #1 backup and for Medical #1 as primary (she's an RN) and #2 as backup.
As stated, both should be asked if they are comfortable with being assigned.
These POA s are for future of well parent. Financial is in effect with daughter in finance. I suggested other daughter for medical although she is not in that field. Will continue to discuss it. Spouse had major stroke almost 2 years ago. Fortunately a very good elder care lawyer worked to get POA for the well spouse with gentle conversations.
My daughter now is the acting medical POA for her father, my ex who is in a nursing home. My Ex did not appoint any POA's for medical or financial POA in event of incapacity, a state in which he now is. He did put our daughter on his bank account, and she pays his expenses from that. However, that account is almost exhausted after 2 1/2 years in nursing home (he has Lewy Body dementia). He does have substantial stock holdings, but I presume both my son and my daughter will have to go to an attorney to get permission to sell those. If he dies, they go 50/50 which is why neither has wanted to sell them.
I would prefer to leave everything to my son as he has a family, but I don't want my daughter to hate me and him forever, as my sister hates me because my mother left everything to me as I was the one who took care of her and my sister never came to visit her. I did give my sister half of the money from the sale of my mom's house even though I didn't have to. Sometimes I wish I didn't have any assets!
Close sisters are going to work together to ensure that their parents wishes and best interests are first and foremost.
I would do a conference call and find out how they feel about it and get agreement between them that no matter who has the authority that they will decide together, it really is about honoring your wishes so it is easy to fulfill when we have all of our paperwork done. I would think that would put any concern of favoritism to bed and make them feel respected. Just my opinion.
I sure wish that there was a national standard for all this paperwork.
I had a friend that had to have her husband on life support for a week while they battled about a DNR from Idaho being accepted in AZ.
If it is a form, she may be able to have an attorney draw one up that accommodates successor or even joint MPOA.
I'm in AZ and all of our forms through the state attorney general's website have a place for multiple POA. It confuses me why NY wouldn't think about the named being unavailable or ?
Let me know how it works out.
You are a good friend. Hugs for helping!
Coin toss?
If both daughters are really equally capable, if there are no differences in terms of
alignment with parent's own views
understanding of likely issues
ability to be on site when needed
willingness to undertake the responsibility
and if both agree to this solution, then... why not?
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