My mother is living in my home after being released from rehab. She is no longer able to live by herself. She has many medical issues. I am dealing with nurses, medications, PT and OT. My entire day is devoted to her care. My brother is staying here as well, and although one would appreciate the help, he is an alcoholic and is virtually useless after morning. He cannot get thru the day without getting hammered and he can become belligerent. Last week we had a blow out and my mother was so upset. He feels he must be here and truthfully; I don’t want him here but only to visit our mother. I don’t know what to do. My husband had been a saint through all of this, but his sainthood won’t last. I’m so anxious about this.
2) Preserve your marriage. Start looking for a new residence for your mother where she can get 24/7 care from an entire staff. If your "entire day is devoted to her care ", this is too much for one person .
3) Thank your husband .
4) when Mom gets placed, you and hubby go on a trip, get your life back.
He needs to go like yesterday.
You and hubby need to have a united front when you approach your brother about the fact that he has to be out by the end of the month, and that he is only allowed to come visit when he is sober(which means he won't ever be coming). Period. End of sentence.
And once you get that problem out of your house, you probably will want to start looking into assisted living facilities for your mom, where she will get the help she requires and be around people her own age, and you and hubby can get on with living and enjoying your life without all this undo stress.
That will solve both your problems in short order.
Best wishes.
I had my mom living with us. Mom wanted me to invite him to move into our guest bedroom.
I told Mom that he was her son, not mine and that he couldn’t live with us.
My brother was mad. My mom got upset. I told her that I was not going to expose our children to my brother’s behavior. I loved him as my brother but I couldn’t allow him to disrupt our lives.
Mom hated that he became homeless but understood how I felt and never asked me to allow him to move in again.
He was a great guy when he was clean but for various reasons he struggled to live in recovery.
I had to distance myself from my brother for my own sanity. I didn’t see him again until he was dying. I took my mother to see him to say goodbye to him.
I was no longer angry. Most of all, I felt sad about him losing everything meaningful in his life, his family, his wife, his children, his business, friends and finally his own life.
Take back your home. It belongs to you. Your brother doesn’t belong there.
Wishing you peace as you plan your next step to restore balance in your life.
B) I am very sorry that you didn't recognize while your mother was in rehab and had social workers and discharge planners available to arrange in facility care, that this was necessary.
Now you do realize it.
Let mother know that she will have to be moved into care.
Assess assets and choose a facility and place your mother.
Basically I believe you know what has to be done.
It is simply a matter of doing it.
Also if he stays long enough to get his mail at your address then your home becomes his legal residence. Same for your Mom. Maybe consider getting her a PO Box until she is placed, or have all her mail come addressed to you, not her.
I agree with all other advice about placing your Mom, thanking your long-suffering husband and then taking a vacation.
Give brother 1 month notice to move out. Change the locks after 1 month.