My 82 year old mother was recently diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia. She's been on the decline for the last few years and exhibits all of the classic symptoms, extreme mood swings, hallucinations, confusion, balance issues, and delusions. She also had a series of mini strokes about 10 years ago that effected her as well. I have two siblings that live near her and I live about an hour away. One of my siblings has been diagnosed as being bi-polar, can't work, and is on government assistance. That said, my other sibling and I have major concerns that my mentally ill sibling is taking money out of my mother's bank account. We fear that there won't be enough left for my mom when we have to put her into a nursing home or assisted living facility, a move that will have to be made soon. Does anyone have any suggestions?
If Mom needs Medicaid in the next 5 years, any large amounts of money withdrawn will be questioned.
Does that sibling live with mom? Does anyone have POA?
You mention that mom has delusions. Is she telling you that sibling is taking her money?
I recently filed a petition for judicial relief on behalf of my Mother against my ex-siblings.
Don't give up on your Mother!
One thing you could do is file for Guardianship. That way you can file the complaint, you can contact police about theft.
This may come back to bite if at some point you have to file for Medicaid on her behalf. Any money "missing" that can not be accounted for would be considered a "gift" or it has been "hidden".
I do hope you are planning a move soon for Mom. Many places have waiting lists so get her name on a few of them. If they call and you are not ready (or she is not ready) they can put her back on the list and will call you again. Also ask if they take Medicaid. Many places will but it is best if you are there for a year or more before Medicaid has to be implemented.
I have done such a thing to care for my mother in-law 81 years old and works well. Need to be honest and transparent. Managing finance and health care POA needs to be separate if need be. Make sure get durable POA and advance health directives done and are in place
Without knowing details of the situation I would definitely say contact an elder care attorney in your area for a consultation. This will give you an understanding of how to move forward in situations like this if he is in fact spending her money.
moms LBD is only going to result in more challenges in the future, and having an outside person calling the shots might prove to be worthwhile.
I would also put a freeze on my mother's credit. It's easy to do and now it's free, too.
Best of luck.
Check what you need for mother. Try not to accuse sis who also needs help!
Hugs 🤗
Mental illness can be successfully treated, so it isn't really an excuse to give him a pass for theft.
Each day he is making choices to comply with doctors orders or not, bi-polar is difficult because they long for the highs and they don't get them on meds, they don't want to live a flatline existence, it's not nearly as exciting. Also, alcohol and bi-polar meds are a really bad combination.
POA does not give free access to the persons money. Please protect your mom and file a police report, you have the proof and maybe that jail time is what is needed to get your brothers attention and get him off the alcohol so his meds will work.
I don't mean to sound harsh but when we know something is happening and we do nothing, we are complicit and just as guilty as the person doing the act. You have said your mom cannot protect her self, she trusted her brother and you 1st to take care of her, third person is usually a peace keeping move. She was believing that she had 2 layers between her and your brother. Honor her in this awful situation.
Look up the Power of Attorney statutes in your state and file a petition ASAP.
blessings
hgn
Report fraudulent activity to the bank and/or police. Put sibling on notice, preferably in writing.
Consider consulting an Elder Care attorney (if mom has enough funds, it should be used to pay for this and/or any court costs.) Rules vary by state for these issues and for Medicaid. As others have noted, Medicaid, if she needs it, will do a 5 year look-back, and any funds that cannot be accounted for will count against mom (aka THAT amount of money will have to be paid out of pocket first before Medicaid kicks in.)
Work with uncle, if possible, to close ALL current accounts and open new ones, using POA.
Have all mail for these new accounts diverted to one of you.
If uncle does not want responsibility, have him decline IN WRITING, notarized.
Since sibling still has POA assignment, make sure bank is aware of this and take steps to try to prevent him/her using it (if you change banks and don't allow him/her to know which one, it can deter the withdrawals, at least for a while.) There appears to be a hierarchy (uncle, then you, then the others), so make them aware that while uncle and you are working together on this, the other siblings POA should not be "active". If you are all listed as joint, you will need to override all POA with stewardship via the courts.
For SS, apply to be representative payee (it IS the only legitimate way to use someone else's SS income, per SS, although many just leave the money going to regular account and use POA to handle finances. SS and other federal entities do NOT honor any kind of POA) It will require a special account set up, yearly accounting of how money is used (must be for mom's needs) and only one person can be on the account - not even the principal can have access to it. Only SS funds can be in this account. Keep records of how money is spent.
For any other income, have it diverted to the new account (non SS.)
After or while protecting what remains/future income, work on getting sibling off POA - most likely this will require going to court and getting guardianship and stewardship (medical and financial) - these will override ANY and ALL POA. Unless mom is competent (doesn't sound like she is), she cannot revoke the POAs or change the will. Also note that all POA end at time of death.