My husband's 94 year old mother lives with us and thinks the Feds are following her. She thinks "they" are withholding mailing her bank statement and threatens to hire a "big lawyer to fix it". We try not to engage her in this delusion, but she knows we don't believe her and this surfaces every so often. "There's nothing wrong with my mind! I know!" she screams at her son, "and they are watching you too!" My husband asks where are we supposed to go for help dealing with her? We can't have any outside help as she trusts no one, and of course my husband is an only child so we are stuck with her. It has been 5 years with no end in sight. Her doctors keep telling her she's strong and in great health, but they never see the delusions!
You don't ask her to go to these appointments, you simply taker her out to lunch or shopping, and then to the doctor. If she refuses, she goes to the ER for a comprehensive evaluation. And you tell them there that you are no longer able to deal with this level of paranoia.
Meanwhile, I wonder if it would help calm her down if you went along with her a bit. "I've talked to the bank and we've reached an understanding that someone will personally see to it your statements will be mailed on time from now on." Or even, "I'm talking to a guy I know at work about finding the right kind of lawyer."
Good luck.. It's not easy dealing with resistance..
If she's not, I would say that you are going to have to watch out for the day when she accuses you both of stealing from her.
She needs a geriatric psyche evaluation, if you can find one in your area. Regular doctors are just not good at diagnosis psychiatric problems. Don't just pick any psychiatrist if you can help it. Once I moved her down to my home, I went to a psychiatrist who told me this particular drug had been given for her appetite, not her paranoia. Ha, was he wrong. He lowered the dose and five weeks later, she was back to the 'bathroom' stuff, i.e., I have to pee, poop, someone was dead, etc. When I took her to the doctor to make sure she didn't have a UTI, she fell which landed her in the hospital, which landed her in rehab, which eventually landed her in the 'skilled nursing home'.
Oh, and one time she opened my son's mail by mistake. She told me, Don't tell him because he'll call the postman and I'll be arrested. It's illegal to open someone else's mail". She was genuinely concerned about this. The brain is complicated.
She was really great for the better part of the year after the diagnosis and medication until this one lowered the dose. After that, it was all downhill.
And this is why I have no guilt about having placed my mother in this nursing home after her rehab was over. I just couldn't take it anymore. A very reputable, good doctor convinced me that people with these conditions just don't really 'know' where they are. Even today, she'll ask me when she's going home and I can just turn the conversation to another subject and she forgets she asked.
I couldn't.
I believe people with untreated delusions are dangerous to both themselves and people around them, whether they be young or older. Much is being done and if drugs solve the problem (especially in what is called now the 'very old') then it's a win win. I was trying to impress upon her she needs to see a person who knows what they are doing because many doctors have no idea how to treat the very elderly. I'm a huge believer in geriatric medicine. Unfortunately, it's not widely available. I found one actual 'board certified' geriatric doctor in my county in Florida (if you want to believe that one). The joke was "They're all geriatric in FL)...well, no, they aren't.
In Boston, she was being cared for within a practice of geriatrics that included a few geriatric psychiatrists. They know how to assess, they know how to prescribe, and they know how to talk to the elderly. They understand the elderly body.
I'm saddened that not many are going into this field having studied fifteen years ago that it was up and coming. Apparently, it doesn't pay enough. :(
:)