I'm the only caregiver for my beautiful ailing 86 yo mother. She has dementia, chf, anemia, hypotension, and a host of other ailments that are not curable. I am HCP AND POA. Older estranged sibling can't assist for multiple troubling reasons :-(. Docs are suggesting hospice. There is a lovely freestanding hospice near my home out of state not that far frim here. Up til now, and since dad died, I've been living in my parents' home, surrounded by their lives. It's been deeply depressing. Mom is in a local sub acute rehab, which I don't like, also a downer. It'd be a big move, but my life has been completely sucked away here. Literally. Going back to my home would still be lonely & hard, but at least I'd be in familiar territory and have the support of a very caring hospice team to do the bulk if caregiving. I'm not married. No kids. Very small support system.
Anyone have similar experience that can help guide me? Is this realistic or me just imagining the grass is greener? Hardest decision of my life.
I would suggest this is the best move; I simply cannot imagine how you could do it logistically and realistically.
Can you? How far would this move be from where your mother currently resides?
If the answer to this question is that you have made solid arrangements that this can be done, I cannot imagine why you would hesitate.
I cannot, however, imagine that this can be done over any distance at all safely with a woman in your Mom's condition. In that case the answer would have to be no.
Hospice is a boon and a blessing. The question about where it should be isn't such a big one. You seem to be a good thinker - you've managed great so far - so what is the big deal? Go with your best instincts. Do what doctors suggest. Get the best help you can in transporting her around the corner or near you or the closest planet. And don't second guess yourself because that gets you nowhere.
One thing you need to know about hospice at home is that they don't provide the bulk of the caring. That's still up to you. And that is why I'd choose the freestanding hospice if it were me.
I sympathize with your lack of support system, but please understand that even people who have a support system feel lonely in making decisions. Also, support systems aren't always what they're cracked up to be. These loving helpful family members and friends are sometimes no help at all. In fact, they can gum up the works in ways you've never thought of. I had Rude Aunt. Among other things, she insisted that if I'd feed dad mashed potatoes, it would cure his cancer because her friend got well that way. Dad hated mashed potatoes and wouldn't eat them. Dealing with her was a more than miserable aspect of helping my dad die.
Please come back and let us know how you and mom are doing.
If your mother is well enough to make the trip, I would say that this is the best thing for everyone.
Have you spoken with her doctor or nurse about it??
Just wondering if there's a freestanding hospice center near your parents' home, somewhere Mom could be transferred to with minimal risk/distress. She'd be in safe hands which will free you to prep the house for sale (to HUD or an individual) or generate passive income by renting it out (maybe use a property management company?). And perhaps you could take a short-term lease nearby or a night or two at a nice hotel to escape the downer effect of being in your parents' house.
If the doctors are encouraging hospice, they feel Mom's reaching her conclusion. So you're not going to be away from your home for an extended period of time. Don't wait to go back home for support; join an in-person support group where you are for hugs, commiseration, and practical advice on settling your parents' affairs and moving on to the next chapter of your life.
And there's always us for the same. : )
if you understand fully the details and trust the hospice facility then having her near you would be very nice. It cost me almost 6,000 to relocate her but she was well cared for by me (that part went extremely well thankfully) and felt safe.
If she is crossing state lines and she is on Medicare advantage, she will need to be re enrolled in a new plan. This is not a problem with regular Medicare. The extra costs on the patient will be the transportation and 90 minutes is feasable