Although my father has been showing signs of dementia for years, he is and has always been a complex personality. There has been no official diagnosis as to whether he has dementia, Alzheimer’s, autism or just narcissism mixed with dementia. Since my parents divorced when I was very young, I only saw dad on weekends. As I grew up, I used to think he was eccentric and similar to someone you froze in 1970 and just thawed out today. He never wanted to change and never wanted to accept new ideas, new inventions, or just anything new. He’s lived in a long-term care facility for the past 2 1/2 years and despite the anxiety this has caused him (and me), the biggest challenge has been getting him to do things a little differently - now that he is faced with physical challenges as well as mental challenges. He is in a wheelchair and has extreme balance issues but he still insists on urinating standing up. Since balance issues are a major problem for him, he rarely can “hold his p***s” (because both hands are holding onto grab bars), let alone aim his urine into the toilet. The Pee trickles out (show me an 80 year old man whose pee doesn’t) and as a result, it saturates the front of his pants and pull ups. Now he’s furious. I have done everything from assisting, begging, and using reinforcement tactics to get dad to sit when urinating. He just won’t do it. I want to be supportive but sitting while urinating is just one of the list of things he refuses to change. Granted his dementia could contribute to this line of thought, but even in his younger days - this was him (everything was someone else’s fault). I visit my father at least five days a week for 3 to 4 hours a day. I feel like I’ve given up my entire life and I’m constantly trying to think of ways to make “his life” easier and more pleasant for him, but he can’t change the way he pees??? I feel so exhausted. If my dad Peed all over his pants and didn’t care about it that would be one thing (I would have to resort to just letting him be who he is), but he does care. It infuriates him and he won’t let anyone help him change. He’ll just sit with wet pants. He must say God dammit 25 times during my visits, and it seems like everything gets him angry. I don’t know what to do or how to deal with this behavior. I have talked to the people at the facility and asked for their assistance with this, but if you haven’t noticed already, my father is very difficult and he refuses any kind of help. I don’t wanna make him more stressed out and angry by forcing the aids to follow him around and bring attention to the things he now needs help with. If I’m nervous dealing with him, and I’m his daughter, I can only imagine what the staff feels like. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Think its time to realize that you cannot change Dad. And aides are not going to follow him around. They don't have that kind of time on their hands. I had asked that Mom not be left in her room alone. It upset her. She was kept in the Common area where she could see what was going on and be involved as much as possible in the activities. She had a special chair that was hard to get out of. It reclined so she could take a nap in it.
His Dementia probably causes him to repeat the same thing. The anger too. You may want to ask if there is something that can be given him to help with the agitation. Since these visits seem to causing you some anxiety, then cut back. Maybe 2-3x a week and only an hour or two. Believe me the staff know how to handle Dad. They are used to different kinds of people. They know how to ignore. You just need to except that this is Dad and the Dementia tends to make things worse.
A few things might help though. If he follows through.
Placing an absorbent pad in front of him, tucked appropriately would absorb any drippage.
Switching to the Polar Fleece type material for the pants would help. That material does not easily absorb moisture so it can be wiped off more easily.
Condom catheter would resolve the problem as well.,. no need to stand to pee.
As he declines a bit more there will be no option but to sit to pee. One day he will stand up to pee and he will fall. There is noting that you can do to prevent it from happening, it is not a IF it happens but a WHEN it will happen.