I’ve been (daughter) caregiver to my Dad who lives with me. He’s 99 and has mobility issues - toilets by himself changes his own depends and uses a rollator. I do all his meals - admin meds- eye drops - laundry etc. He has a medical alert and we have a Knox box in case fire dept has to get in house should he fall. I take him to all med appts in transport chair.
He sleeps in recliner in his room as he has difficulties getting in and out of bed.
He has nurse coming 3x per week taking care of bed sore. I take him to all appointment
He uses a small light throw blanket and he always says put it on me - the short end side - so this evening I place it in him and he says I’m giving him wide end and I say no it’s correct and he turns it around and is actually now placing wide end in lap so feet not covered. I say no that’s wrong and try to correct it - well he WENT OFF INTO A TANTRUM SAYING I WAS CRAZY REALLY REALLY CRAZY - and he was going to report me for abuse. I recorded it in my phone so my brother can hear it when I see him next. I tried to say what’s wrong and he started swearing and said you went to visit a your friend today and he named the town and yes I did visit a lady from a social group u used to belong to but it was only for 1/2 hour visit and I included stopping at grocery store also. He also said I talk incessantly - why would I want talk to someone who doesn’t even hear me or understand what I’m saying. I just took him for hearing test last week and made an appt for new hearing aids but ear doc said that they may not help only increase sound but his age is showing trouble with cognition of words.
i go to local senior center once a week in afternoon to play canasta and he says What are you going there for? I always do his meals first and make sure he is settled and comfortable when I leave.
i went into my kitchen and just cried my eyes out in disbelief because I do so much for him for a little over two years now. Hospital stays I am his advocate for everything. I told him if he acts like this he will go to rehab and he just said nothing and started at me like a deer in the headlights.
Please tell me I’m not alone in this. I retired just last December and wasn’t planning on spending it like this.
You deserve better. He won’t improve, this is a downward slide. Realize that and find a good place for dad where he will have activities, socialization and friends. You’d both be happier.
I have nursing coming in 3x a week to do wound care so I will mention his episode to them and to my brother and we will go from there.
Otherwise it may be time to be looking into plan B, which of course is placing him in the appropriate facility.
Your dad has had his life and you deserve to have yours and live it as you choose and with peace in your retirement years.
Also tour facilities and place him asap , the ear doc told you his understanding of words is diminishing . This will get more difficult to handle .
I hope my parents don't live into their nineties. It sounds like a nightmare. I am sure this isn't the first incident with your father and it won't be the last.
Just read your profile. Yes dad needs to be put into a facility. He sounds like a real jerk. Then maybe you can get to live your life in peace for once. It is just sad it has to be when you are in your seventies or eighties.
You have decisions now that only you can make for yourself. I can only wish you good luck in making them and tell you I feel you should not be putting yourself through this.
Given your father's age, you may want to hire caregivers for him in home from 8 am to 8 pm, or whatever, on his dime. That way, you can come and go as you please leaving the responsibility for dad to someone else. If he doesn't like it, he has the choice of moving to Assisted Living. I'm sure he'll understand THAT choice bc most elders dread the thought of AL, for some odd reason. Tell him you will not tolerate being mistreated anymore, you deserve better for all you've been doing. Dad sounds like a big fat bully, in reality. He needs a bit of his own medicine to fully grasp the impact it has on others. My mother always backed down when I gave it right back to her. Try it sometime.
Best of luck to you.