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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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He's 80, bad shoulders and back. Darn power wheelchair has made him lose muscle tone. I'm his caregiver and feel at his age, don't nag him, be understanding of his wishes, but is this best for his needs?
Here’s what I learned from my dad on this front. He didn’t want to do it, felt he should be able to just enjoy his final years and no amount of telling him he will lose leg strength and fall would change his mind. I just decided it was a losing battle. They just either don’t care or understand. So therefore my dad kept getting weaker and has had lots of falls. The last one put him in a nursing home in a wheelchair. All due to his decision to sit all day. So sad but really nothing you can do.
He can do his PT at home. No need to go anywhere. Great app my orthopedist gave me called “Mehab”.... 8 weeks, in 2-week increments. Do what you can... all you need to do is register for 9.99 a month. You put the diagnosis code in (from a list) then start at your own pace. Might be worth a try if he doesn’t want to “go” anywhere, or if he has a large co-pay.
When you say your father 'gave up', do you mean he refused the appointment or that he tried it and didn't like it?
Either way, I'd suggest discussing this with the therapist and your father together, and seeing if you can't between you encourage him to give it a(nother) go.
You are completely correct not to nag him, and to be understanding of his wishes. But you can encourage, you can praise, you can incentivise (a.k.a. bribe!) - all worth a try if there's a chance to improve his quality of life.
It's each elder's ability. My late mother did some PT just before she died at 94 years of age. And the Physical Therapy was tailored to someone of her age and if she couldn't do it, the therapist didn't push it.
My dad as well. He did GREAT in Rehab, but as soon as they sent him home, he didn't want to move anymore. Now he is lying in bed, motionless pumped up on Morphine and Valium...it's sad..we did the best we could to encourage him but he gave up as well...sometimes there is no getting through....
That seems to be a pattern. My MIL has gone the same route and my husband did so well when hospitalized, he walked and did all of his PT and speech therapy. Here at home he wants to sit and watch TV. His mom is doing the same thing in her apartment and I am watching the both of them decline. They don't have any initiative unless being prodded by a nurse or doctor.
Consider enabling on your part as to why your dad has given up. Are you compensating for his physical limitations? Is he expecting you or others to put your own lives on hold and care for him instead of doing the best he can for himself? If he’s in pain, make sure he has pain relief medication in order to do the therapy. If he’s depressed, there is medication for that. He may be afraid of falling. Whatever the reason that he won’t cooperate, try to address it. Therapy helps so very much. It’s inportant that you acknowledge that you are allowing him to run both your lives. If he is able to make good decisions that’s one thing. If not, then you have to take yourself to task. Do make sure you thoroughly understand his physical condition and limitations so your goals and expectations are realistic. Therapy is hard work but it’s amazing how just a few weeks of work can enable a much more comfortable life for all concerned. Have a straight forward talk with dad. Be sure to read “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande.
I’m my moms caregiver. Sounds like what she does a lot of times. I try to put the ball back in her court. Sometimes I think it’s the fear of no control of their life anymore. Mom is very moody and can be a stubborn woman. But I’m her daughter and we are a lot alike. I don’t argue nor nag but I am firm. Is on her and that’s exactly what I tell her. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn’t. In the end, it is up to her.
I agree with one of the earlier answers - have the PT over and the three of you have a conversation. My husband is 78 and in a similar situation. But, amazingly, he is seeing both the PT and OT on a regular basis at home.
How did it happen? I talked with his doctor, who set up the home health OT and PT. They came over, one at a time, along with an evaluating nurse, and we talked about his abilities and goals. My husband found motivation when sitting with these ladies and decided to try. He asked questions like, it is possible to regain his strength, and they answered absolutely. Thus, it began.
It is often a struggle to keep it going. My husband doesn’t sleep well or feel well the whole day and tries to make me cancel the appointments. we’ve been down that route in the past. This time, I don’t tell him when they are coming. They just arrive shortly after breakfast a few times a week. “Oh! Look who’s at the door!” For some reason that seems to work, but not always. If he’s exhausted from not sleeping and still refuses to see them, I ask him if the therapist can come and take his blood pressure. He always says yes. Then, the PT or OT can decide how to proceed, but there’s always been something they can work on, even if he’s laying in bed.
I highly recommend getting for both OT and PT. They work with different muscle groups, and seeing 2 therapists adds diversity to the week. OT can teach him how to do things around the house and his hobbies, but she also works with muscles. For example, she massages my husband’s shoulder to increase range of motion, and he loves this, especially if he’s having a bad morning.
My husband (80) has Parkinson's, as does another close family member (73). Husband has always liked exercise and sports, and has been getting PT for over 18 months. Had OT and speech for a while too. He takes everything to heart, and is very dutiful about his home exerse regimen. He's actually doing better than when he was first diagnosed. Family member, on the other hand, has always been rather lazy and unmotivated, didn't exercise, and liked being taken care of and waited on. He's now wheel-chair bound and in a nursing home, though can walk with a walker if prodded. He won't even wheel himself around--says it gets him too tired. I suggested he just set himself small, manageable goals, e.g., wheel myself 5 feet today, then increase as he gets stronger. People keep trying to tell him that with Parkinson's exercise is essential, and it's really a "use it or lose it " scenario. He wants to go back to getting PT, but they have told him he can have it when he's able to wheel himself down the hall to the therapy room. Sadly, apathy is often a side-effect of Parkinson's, so that combined with his existing personality is causing him to deteriorate more rapidly than he might otherwise.
Last year my father took a bad fall and ended up in assisted living and then in a nursing care facility. He refused physical therapy even though I was encouraging him to do it. Now, a year later, he seldom gets out of bed. He occasionally allows himself to be put in a wheelchair, but his quality of life has really gone down hill. But I have to remember that he did this to himself as it was his choice not to refuse the physical therapy. It is very sad.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
all you need to do is register for 9.99 a month. You put the diagnosis code in (from a list) then start at your own pace.
Might be worth a try if he doesn’t want to “go” anywhere, or if he has a large co-pay.
Either way, I'd suggest discussing this with the therapist and your father together, and seeing if you can't between you encourage him to give it a(nother) go.
You are completely correct not to nag him, and to be understanding of his wishes. But you can encourage, you can praise, you can incentivise (a.k.a. bribe!) - all worth a try if there's a chance to improve his quality of life.
His mom is doing the same thing in her apartment and I am watching the both of them decline.
They don't have any initiative unless being prodded by a nurse or doctor.
Are you compensating for his physical limitations? Is he expecting you or others to put your own lives on hold and care for him instead of doing the best he can for himself?
If he’s in pain, make sure he has pain relief medication in order to do the therapy.
If he’s depressed, there is medication for that. He may be afraid of falling. Whatever the reason that he won’t cooperate, try to address it. Therapy helps so very much. It’s inportant that you acknowledge that you are allowing him to run both your lives. If he is able to make good decisions that’s one thing. If not, then you have to take yourself to task.
Do make sure you thoroughly understand his physical condition and limitations so your goals and expectations are realistic. Therapy is hard work but it’s amazing how just a few weeks of work can enable a much more comfortable life for all concerned.
Have a straight forward talk with dad.
Be sure to read “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande.
How did it happen? I talked with his doctor, who set up the home health OT and PT. They came over, one at a time, along with an evaluating nurse, and we talked about his abilities and goals. My husband found motivation when sitting with these ladies and decided to try. He asked questions like, it is possible to regain his strength, and they answered absolutely. Thus, it began.
It is often a struggle to keep it going. My husband doesn’t sleep well or feel well the whole day and tries to make me cancel the appointments. we’ve been down that route in the past. This time, I don’t tell him when they are coming. They just arrive shortly after breakfast a few times a week. “Oh! Look who’s at the door!” For some reason that seems to work, but not always. If he’s exhausted from not sleeping and still refuses to see them, I ask him if the therapist can come and take his blood pressure. He always says yes. Then, the PT or OT can decide how to proceed, but there’s always been something they can work on, even if he’s laying in bed.
I highly recommend getting for both OT and PT. They work with different muscle groups, and seeing 2 therapists adds diversity to the week. OT can teach him how to do things around the house and his hobbies, but she also works with muscles. For example, she massages my husband’s shoulder to increase range of motion, and he loves this, especially if he’s having a bad morning.
Good luck!
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