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About 2 weeks ago my dad had a major heart attack, when taken to emergency we were also told his kidneys were failing, his congestive heart failure was worse and he had pneumonia. He'd been borderline on a lot of this but the heart attack caused everything to go downhill fast. We did treatments for 5 days. He was barely conscious, needed a bipap and feeding tube. When we heard he was getting worse he was able to communicate that he didn't want to live like this. I always knew he didn't want any artificial support like feeding tubes. When we stopped treatment the hospital recommended we set up hospice and we did. He's in a facility now. No meds other than comfort, no food in over a week by choice and only small amounts of water. He perked up in hospice. Seemed brighter and our assumption was he was relieved we were following his wishes. No one thought (especially professionals) he'd last 3 days but it's been 2 weeks. He's having some confusion which the nurse attributes to the toxins from the kidney failure but he keeps saying "I should be gone by now" he's frustrated he's not dead and everyone is surprised he's hung on. He's seen all family he wants to see, says there is nothing he needs and when we ask how he feels he says "just waiting" it's a bizarre situation, any thoughts? He has not changed his mind by the way. These last few days he has been sleeping more.

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Wow, that must be frustrating for him and of course the family too. I don’t know the answer to this. I have heard nurses say that some who should die quickly have hung on and those who shouldn’t die as quickly have gone suddenly. Interesting, isn’t it?

I would be interested in hearing from the nurses who participate in this forum, especially hospice nurses. They are more qualified to answer this particular question.

I just wanted to offer support to you. I know my brother lasted longer than hospice anticipated he would last, different medical situation than your dad. He had diabetes and liver issues. It was hard for him because he was ready to go as well. I believe for my brother he was waiting for his children to arrive from out of town.

Also, he and I had a complicated relationship and I decided to forgive him. He was unconscious at the end but I spoke to him anyway. He died shortly afterwards.

He was a believer and the family prayed at his bedside. The chaplain, social worker and nurses were all wonderful.
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My GF was on a dialysis that was the last resort. When she chose Hospice it didn't go with her. She passed 2 weeks later. And the toxins will make him loony.
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AlvaDeer Oct 2019
Hopefully they will medicate him below feeling this. It should be the goal.
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Small amounts of fluid can make it last much longer, but I suspect you are nearing the end. Comfort him, tell him he is doing well, and do not offer fluids unless asked for. They can prolong it a lot more than you would think. I am so sorry. This is very tough. Especially when he is so anxious to go.
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Dear Mamie, I'm so glad that things went well tonight. It won't be long. Have courage. Love, Margaret
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MamieM Oct 2019
Thank you.
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I am so sorry that you are facing this. Such a difficult situation and then to have a tough ole body.

May your dad pass peacefully and may God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this time.
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