Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Judie, this is so very painful. And unfortunately not uncommon in dementia (in either sex). I am SO glad I didn't have to deal with that particular delusion.
Generally with delusions the advice is to go along and to not argue. But this is a case where agreeing isn't going to make things better!
First, throw out any notion that something that Mom is doing is causing this. It is not a reaction to primping. It is caused by DEMENTIA. Start from that premise.
This is painful for your father. He believes it. He did not make this up to hurt your mother. It is the DEMENTIA.
I would talk to his dementia doctor about it. I don't think there is an anti-delusion-of-unfaithfulness pill, but something to help anxiety might be in order.
In talking to Dad I would not argue with his beliefs. But don't agree, either! "Oh Dad, that must hurt you so much. You and Mom have been through so much together and made things work through good times and bad. To think now she is betraying you must feel terrible! I can understand why you might think this way, but I am absolutely certain that Mother is being 100% faithful, regardless of what things look like. She is devastated that you don't trust her."
It certainly sounds like Dad is far enough into dementia to not be able to live alone. If your parents do separate, where will he go?
My MIL has some sort of dementia.. and as we look back has for years! She used to think FIL was haveing affairs with every one from the clerk at Highs to SILs aunt to finally SIL and Me!! Hubs (both sons) tried to put the skids to that...It is not easy.. so good luck with this
Certainly Jessie. Vanity has no age limits. Just though it was a little far fetched that his was a "Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town" situation.
I don't want to make light of the original posters dilema. It sounds like a terrible situation. I would be interested to hear more info on the living situation etc.
Windy, you don't think 87-yo women primp? Some can spend an hour or two getting ready. Of course, it used to take them 15 minutes to do the same thing, but that's beside the point. A woman's a woman no matter what age.
Judie, With dementia and alzheimers, changing ths subject, defusing the situation, medication for paranoia may help. I can understand that this is distressful thinking a separation of your parents is possible. As long as there is no abuse issues, let time pass. Your role would be to protect your parents in their later years, and not to get in the middle of their marriage. Talk to mom to make sure she is safe from any risky behaviors, you will both most likely end up having a good laugh. I hope it will be okay.
Made sense to me! I have been fixing myself up to go out because I have to feel better when I drive, now that I own a car. And, now that I am feeling better, my confidence is up, refusing to be brought down and controlled changes the dynamics of our relationship. Yay!
When the love of our life does extra preening & primping before leaving the house for a walk, it's not unusual to wonder what's up with her. Our mind starts playing tricks, and wild accusations usually follow. ... Add Alzheimer's/dementia to the equation, and "Houston, we have a problem."
I'm not saying this is the case. The only thing your mom might be guilty of is trying to look good and aging gracefully. He's probably sensing something's changed -- real or imaginary. ... And it's not another man.
Gather around your mother and give her the most support and help you can. Maybe papa needs to see Babalou's doctor suggested above and get an anti anxiety med. Men with dementia seem to love the drama of accusing others and laying big time blame on those who are closest. Sympathy for your Mom.
Paranoia is generally a symptom. He could have a uti, for example. Or this could be a new part of his overall decline. Check out his general physical health first. Call his doctor and twll her/him what's going on.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Generally with delusions the advice is to go along and to not argue. But this is a case where agreeing isn't going to make things better!
First, throw out any notion that something that Mom is doing is causing this. It is not a reaction to primping. It is caused by DEMENTIA. Start from that premise.
This is painful for your father. He believes it. He did not make this up to hurt your mother. It is the DEMENTIA.
I would talk to his dementia doctor about it. I don't think there is an anti-delusion-of-unfaithfulness pill, but something to help anxiety might be in order.
In talking to Dad I would not argue with his beliefs. But don't agree, either! "Oh Dad, that must hurt you so much. You and Mom have been through so much together and made things work through good times and bad. To think now she is betraying you must feel terrible! I can understand why you might think this way, but I am absolutely certain that Mother is being 100% faithful, regardless of what things look like. She is devastated that you don't trust her."
It certainly sounds like Dad is far enough into dementia to not be able to live alone. If your parents do separate, where will he go?
But I doubt it. :)
I don't want to make light of the original posters dilema. It sounds like a terrible situation. I would be interested to hear more info on the living situation etc.
As long as there is no abuse issues, let time pass.
Your role would be to protect your parents in their later years, and not to get in the middle of their marriage.
Talk to mom to make sure she is safe from any risky behaviors, you will both most likely end up having a good laugh. I hope it will be okay.
I'm not saying this is the case. The only thing your mom might be guilty of is trying to look good and aging gracefully. He's probably sensing something's changed -- real or imaginary. ... And it's not another man.
Paranoia is generally a symptom. He could have a uti, for example. Or this could be a new part of his overall decline. Check out his general physical health first. Call his doctor and twll her/him what's going on.