Cremation Ashes. Any suggestions?

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Cremation Ashes. Any suggestions?

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I have my LO’s ashes. This person never wanted to discuss or make plans about death. It was like if we do not talk about, it will not happen. I have some ideas how I will handle the situation, but would like to hear from others on this forum what they did with the ashes; other than placing or burial in a cemetery.

Cremation End of Life Funeral Planning

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My mother purchased this ridiculous, flowered , designer toilet for her bathroom. She spent $1200 for it. That toilet is the perfect representation of my mom. We’re going to seal it up, add the simple wooden box that currently hold her cremains and put her outside in the middle of her beloved rose garden!

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I have an urn just where I told him I would place it. I don't know what I will do with it in the future, but I had a beautiful wood urn made that I truly love, and I am comfortable with it in a room where I spend a lot of time. I sleep very well on the couch in that room for some reason. I sometimes think because he is near.

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i had a cousin who wanted their ashes spread up near a camp that they worked at every year, his sister did that. Another relative had a person that wanted to be spread into the ocean. they got something like a biodegradable turtle (box thing), put the ashes in there and then went to the ocean and placed in the water. it will drift out and will degrade and the ashes will be in the ocean. I guess whatever you want, make sure someone knows what it is. some want buried or some want to be placed into an urn and set on a shelf, others into a necklace type charm.

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Bury them, scatter them. If they didn't care, why would you?

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In January, 2020, a36 yr old nephew had a one car accident and died. He was the father of four. They had a service one evening and then the next day, a fish fry at a park where he loved to camp with his family.
It was a cold sunny day. I was from out of town but stayed over to go to the fish fry. His widow was holding a blue urn filled with his ashes. She never put it down. It was hard to reconcile his body from the night before in his casket to now being in this urn. I tried to imagine how the children could grasp this idea.
People mingled. Children played. Then everyone went down to the dock and got on pontoons or in their own boats. The wife, father, the children and best friend were in two boats. They led a group of about 15 additional boats around the lake to favorite spots. They stopped, pulled the two boats close and then the other boats drew near. Each of the family took a handful of ashes and dropped them in the lake. Then the boat parade headed back to the dock. The sun was brilliant on the water. It was a quiet reverent event with hushed voices and the low throttle of the boat motors the only sound. An occasional bird was flying overhead. I was amazed at how touching it was. I was happy I had decided to stay over. Some of the gathered who didn’t go on the boats were on the banks to watch the procession and were fully engaged as well.
I thought it was especially hard on the children. So raw and real but perhaps no more so than any other setting.
Their lives are forever changed.
It was the last time I saw any of my extended family to this day due to COVID. I am often sent photos of events so I know life goes on. A few months ago, one of nephews daughters graduated high school. There in the photos was the blue urn. Somehow it didn’t seem as bizarre as I would have thought. Dad was at the graduation. Dad was at the lake. Not sure where else he might be. I had heard things hadn’t been easy for them. No surprise there. This night they looked happier than when I saw them last. Seeing it there made me wonder where else the blue urn has been or where it’s going next.

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I think it's nice to take him around the lake.
Traveling around seems very fitting and it lets the kids work through the death.

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As weird as it sounds, I traveled around with some ashes. The guy never went anywhere or really left his home town, so I 'took' him places. Then a final burial at his mother's grave. Some ideas I've read about were planting a tree over the ashes and there's a place you can send some of it to have made into a fireworks. You don't have to put all the ashes in a single place. Bury some if you will have a headstone and scatter the rest at any place you know that person enjoyed when alive.

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Ricky6: Two of my maternal aunts chose cremation. However, my parents and my maternal grandparents were not cremated (actually my father had no idea that he would pass away at the young age of 50, leaving my mother to make a decision regarding his burial). My grandparents' grave was opened to include my aunts' ashes. I am so very sorry for your loss and send condolences to you.

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It took awhile to figure the best alternative to sending husband's ashes to his old family cemetery in another state. In the Will and at the end of life he said to do what I wanted with the ashes. I didn't have to send them to his assigned space. I was very glad to keep him out of there.
Since he really enjoyed the wild horses at Cumberland Island maybe his ashes can be scattered in the area. So far I've not seen any information about the area's laws or businesses that handle the scattering of the ashes. IF I can't do that, I'll include him in my landscaping activities right outside my place.

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Many cemeteries have a "Columbarium", which is a mausoleum for urns instead of caskets. They are usually constructed of marble and are classy and dignified. That way, you can have a marker and memorial, versus scattering the ashes in the wild.

If you hire someone to drop them from a small airplane window, make sure the pilot has experience with that, because more than once I've heard of all the ashes being sucked back inside the airplane like a vacuum, creating a large and sad mess.

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I have known people to scatter ashes in the wind or woods or ocean, etc. Others keep them in an urn in their home. There is no set answer. In this case, think what would make YOU feel good as to why happens with the ashes and then go that route.

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My MIL's and SIL's ashes were scattered, with family participating, in places that were special to them in life. Both times by bodies of water. One practical suggestion: be sure you're upwind, and not downwind if you scatter. I don't know if it's dangerous to inhale in a cloud of ashes, but it's off-putting.

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We spread my sweet MIL's ashes around all her favorite places -- the gardens at her two former homes and with the three husbands she outlived. I'm sure we didn't follow rules but it just seemed right. If you choose to bury ashes, most cemeteries will allow two sets of cremains in a single plot.

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My husband's ashes were divided into several containers so some could go to family members who wanted them and some to his best friend and favorite place on earth and some to a family farm he also loved. Some of his ashes are here with me in the house so he "can be in on" whatever I am doing. I also take some of him with me when I go on road trips, b/c we both loved road trips.

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That is so sweet about his ashes going on road trips and being in on things at home! Love that!

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My cremains will go to Eternal Reefs. As a life long lover of the ocean, I will be made into a reef bell and taken out to a location in the ocean. Within several months, marine life will begin to grow replacing the loss of so much of our sea life.
At my family cemetery, I'm asking my name be added on the headstone with the GPS marker of my ocean resting place.

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Wow..never heard of that. Lovely idea.

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My neighbor buried her husband under the front yard tree, and put white lights on it… shines every night…

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hit save 2 times, sorry.

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I buried my mother's in her backyard. She loved the place, so she can stay there. We scattered my friend's parents in the woods. One of my best friend's husband loved his Dozer (dog). When Dozer died he had him cremated and never did anything with the ashes. When Bill died, she mixed his ashes with Dozer's ashes and scattered them on trails where they used to run. That way they would always be together. I was at a memorial service where the gal requested to be scattered on her beloved 2 acre desert property.

Back when God was a child, I worked for the Forest Service and I used to write permits for scattering ashes. The permit system was so all the ashes wouldn't be in one place. For instance, if a particular place wasn't requested, I would issue a permit for Black Mountain, next time it would be Thomas Mountain, then Indian Truck Trail and so on.

Many many years ago a friend's grandma wanted to be scattered over the Sierra Nevada Mountains. They rolled her ashes up in a long scarf, flew a small plane over the mountains, and dumped her out. The problem was, the scarf was too short and the wind blew a lot of grandma back in the plane. He said they probably vacuumed as much of Grandma up as got dumped over the Sierras.

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Many people choose to keep the Ashes.

you cam even have jewelry made from Ashes.

Lots of people spread them somewhere special that meant something to the person.

LIike if the person enjoyed hiking in the Mountains, then spread them at the top of a mountain.

If the person loved the Beach then spread the Ashes on the sand or in the ocen.

If you don't know of a place, spread the Ashes someplace that makes you happy.

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You can scatter ashes in almost any national park. https://www.chicagotribune.com/travel/sc-spreading-ashes-park-travel-1124-20151118-story.html
When my brother died we cremated him and scattered his ashes in a national park in our home state. This was a few years ago and all we did was to talk to the park rangers and they gave us the guideline etc. We picked a nice spot and we scattered them in a very nice scenic area.

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Also, under "you gotta laugh" we've found several small 'caskets" of cat cremains. So...

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We have a little pet cemetery under our avocado tree. When we and the tree are gone, someone will have a surprise.

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We were scrambling...My dad died of COVID in September and my mom was hospitalized with it for 3 weeks. They'd refused to make plans, everything was shutdown, and we were fully prepared for 2 deaths. (Mom never really got sick.) We went with cremation and he now sits in the living room in a nice box I bought bext to some photos. We didn't do a service. I'm wondering though if eventually we want him/them buried...I love old cemeteries and the history there and wonder if we should have a physical place where they can be remembered. No decisions yet...

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I am the same. I have the ashes in my LO’s closet. No decisions yet. I do feel better that the LO is home though.

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Papa was a life-long Appalachian Trail hiker and volunteer to clean trails so wanted to be scattered somewhere near the Smoky Mountains (we've lived in East TN for past 30 years). Scattered ashes off Foothills Pkwy. near the Park. Not allowed to do it in Park so this was as close as could get.

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We put my Mom in an inlet near a lighthouse. We did it sneakily but she now is floating around the ocean. Every year on her birthday, we put flowers from our gardens into the ocean from whatever beach we may be near at the time. My sis and I are within 30 minutes of beaches so it may be our homes. This year, my DD put some in from a beach in the Outer Banks and we had her children do it so now the tradition will carry on.
So much better than a grave that may or may not be visited. I don't think I've visited my Dad's grave in 45 years as it is far away yet Mom's is fluid, literally.

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My dad has requested that he be cremated with no service of any kind.

He is a lover of lighthouses ,so since I have been instructed to do as I wish with his remains.

My plan is to scatter his ashes near a lighthouse.

I have to of course inquire on the legality of scattering his ashes but that is the plan.

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I am requesting to be cremated when the time comes. Since I love the Beach, my ashes can be dumped in the ocean and I'll swim free with the fishes. I also do not want a funeral but a celebration of life. Run up, tap the drums, and sing and dance. Funerals are for dead; I prefer to celebrate the life

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Listen to your own heart about how to dispose of the ashes. A friend of mine scattered her LO's ashes in many places around the world that they loved.

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Very little discussion here on the legal aspects of disposing of cremains. Every State has regulations. Basically, it is illegal to dispose of ashes anywhere on property that you do not own. “At sea” also specifies how far out from land and the type of container used.

I have dealt with the ashes of two relatives. The first is now in the possession of the third “caretaker”. The second was buried in a conventional cemetery with just the sexton and myself present.

If you choose to dispose of the ashes in an other than approved method, be careful you don’t get caught.

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I held a ceremony of scattering of my dad’s ashes and rose petals at a park in my dad’s hometown. It actually turned out to be a lovely event. Simple, but unique. I would definitely do this again.

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Plant a tree/bush in their memory. Mix the ashes with the soil. Simple yet respectful.

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I like your idea, however, we live in the city high rise and cannot do.

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Do people understand that the next generation who inherits kept ashes will be burdened with them (and subsequent generations!) so they might get discarded anyway? I told my sons to either scatter mine at our favorite beach (into the water, far out where they can't accidentally land on anyone - ew!) or to add them into a small concrete mold of a sea creature and put them far out off the beach into the water so that it eventually functions as a reef (which is what the DNR there does so I already know this is beneficial and not harmful). If you keep the remains please provide the funds and directions for what to do with them when YOU pass on.

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There is no next generation with me; I never married nor had children

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I thank everyone that has answered my post. It is very helpful and interesting. (See my response to Taarma below on what I am planning now.)

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Cremation Ashes. Any suggestions?

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