Wow this is tough. My mother who is really nasty and my father with dementia live with us. They have been her 14 months seems like a lot longer. They don't want to move to assisted living but we want them to.. Mom is 90 and dad is 93. Help need advice
You will basically have to kick them out. Find a suitable place, get it set up, have the care folks do an assessment, pack their stuff and away they go. As Garden Artist said, that's easy for me to type, not so easy in real life.
My folks are still in their own home, shouldn't be, but won't move, so I'm just waiting for the crisis that forces the issue. But they are not in my house driving me crazy. Make it happen. There will be yelling, hate, God knows what but they will survive and get over it.
I'd likely visit several places, depending on what they need and see what is out there. Is your dad able to make it in a regular Assisted Living? When dementia is very progressed, the person may need Memory Care. I"d explore that and find a couple of places for your mom. Invite her to go with you to see which one she wants. Even though she may be saying she doesn't want to go, I'd explain it's for the best and is going to happen. I' d be nice, but firm.
The only other option is to bring in outside people to care for them in your home and then stay in your own space inside the house. That can be expensive and also deprive you from your own privacy inside your home.
Stop letting other family members who aren't contributing push your buttons. Only you can put a stop to that.
I learned from this forum to not live with my folks. We will all be better off if they go to assisted living when the time comes. Dad will likely be in memory care.
In a nutshell, it comes down to a choice between having a life or commiting the rest of you life to eldercare. No disrespect to those that pull it off but it ain't easy.
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