My mom is 91 and living in an assisted living facility since October 2020. She has a home. I am on her checking account (as is one of my brothers). I have been paying all of her home related bills as well as assisted living bills, medical bills and whatever else she needs mostly with her checking account. Money is not unlimited, but she will be okay for quite awhile since she has a Long Term Care policy which reimburses her $100/day for her living expenses. I have caught my brother actually pilfering money from her account, and I have no clue what he has taken from her house. Therefore, I handle all her bills.
I pay her utility bills, her taxes, lawn care and whatever else is required for the home (with her checking account). I purchase incontinence products for use at the ALF. I tried to cancel her phone and tv service, but was unable to because I don't have POA. However, I was able to put her service(s) on seasonal hold.
Since I have been handling everything for her, can I get in trouble?
I do not have POA, guardianship or conservatorship, and neither do either of my two brothers.
In her will, I am listed as first executor of her estate and one of my brothers as second, which I know means nothing right now.
Right now mom needs to do her annual minimum distribution from one of her investment companies. Because mom can't hear well at all, and her vision is getting really bad, it's difficult to get her to understand what she needs to do. She doesn't understand that she has been taking out the distribution for at least 20 years. A couple months ago I broached the subject and talked at length about it (about 30 minutes) how important it was for her to sign the paperwork. After the 30 minutes, she said, "should I sign it." WHAT THE HECK WAS I JUST TALKING ABOUT? Turns out it was not a good time because I realized we needed a notary to witness the paperwork. She definitely has some dementia going on, but has not been diagnosed.
Mom lived in her house for 50+ years. I have been the one who has pretty much been cleaning it out. She had food that was over 20 years old. Trust me, mom never threw anything out!!!!! I have not been keeping track of the number of hours I spend there, but just realized I should be. There is very little communication between myself and my two brothers which makes it tough. I leave notes or text messages for them as to what I accomplished at the house and never get a response from them, or even what has transpired with visits with mom. Mom rarely gets a visitor besides myself. Mom has episodes of sundowners and calls me at all hours of the night. My brother said he was sorry that was happening to me. THANKS.
So, back to the reason for this post. I am already handling her financial matters as much as I can. She set up a lot of her accounts where I am the person who can handle her business. I can write checks. I transferred money from her checking to her savings account to keep a better eye on transactions if there are any.
What would be my best option for handling mom's affairs? I think having her sign a POA would be difficult (partly because of the mental status, the hearing and vision issues). My husband and I have Guardianship over my sister-in-law. Is that the best option for me to handle my mom's affairs, or would Conservatorship be better? For reasons mentioned above, I do not want my brothers involved in this process. What is the legality of that? Do they have to be involved?
What is my best option?
Thank you to anyone that can help!
"Mom, we need you to sign some papers so that Franh52 can keep doing your business, are you OK with that?".
And "If something happens (like a stroke) and you're too sick to talk is it OK to have Franh52 be the person they talk to?".
People are going to tell you that doing it this way leaves you open to having your authority challenged but that is unlikely to ever happen unless you have a family member who likes to stir up trouble.
In your situation I would consider a lawyer A MUST, because “legally” cognitively intact, at least where I am, is slightly different from other definitions of the term.
I never had to go farther. If you have any legal, verifiable information regarding theft by other family members, I’d keep it handy. Just take my word for that.
If you have been added to accounts by your mom, it shows that she trusted you and that is on your side.
Document the money stolen from your mom, this is illegal and will give you some leverage for cooperation.
I would become representative payee for her SS and close all accounts, open one new one that only you and maybe your husband has access to, put all of her money in this account. Do not do cash withdrawals, get a credit card to use and keep detailed notes about all money spent, CC statement with example Walmart: 35.00 depends, socks. You will need to do an annually report to the SSA but, I understand it is pretty simple, if you do the above.
If nobody including yourself has a POA or any legal document, then it is totally illegal for any of you to be drawing money on her accounts and paying any bills out of her money.
Unless your name is on her accounts you cannot write out checks and sign her name even to pay her bills. That's forgery.
You have to petition for conservatorship/guardianship before someone gets in trouble.
Getting POA may be a challenge if your mom's memory is short. An ethical Lawyer will likely speak with your mom first to determine IF she's able to comprehend the transaction. If they believe she's cognitively impaired in some way, they might suggest guardianship or conservatorship instead.
Was in a similar situation where the lawyer felt my mom's fear of my yb's retaliation prevented her from signing a POA at the time.
Blessings to you.
Now that I have read your responses, I have some more things to think about.