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Hi. I have a 93-year-old mother who has a cat that doesn't like to be touched other than on her head. My Mom cannot remember this of course, so the cat has bitten her more than once. This has resulted in infections in the past. This morning she has a couple of bites on her hand. She is quite attached to this cat and would be very upset if we give her away. On most occasions the cat sits on her lap and sleeps with her and has been quite comforting. Would love some feedback on this issue. Thanks in advance.

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If it were me at 93, that would be my wish to my concerned adult daughter:

Don’t take away my cat. Don’t take away my friend. I’ve had a long life. I’ll die eventually of something anyway. Let me have my friend.
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Fawnby Jul 2023
I totally understand your point of view, and if I were the cat owner, I’d want my cat too. But if I were the caregiver for an elderly mom who got an infection and was hospitalized for a cat bite, then died or experienced decline in cognition as a result, I’d be under a lot of stress and that wouldn’t be good for any caregiver. So often we try to give our patients what THEY want, and we caregivers suffer rather than them.
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OP, I hope your mom’s happily continuing to enjoy her cat’s company. Remember, at 93 she’ll eventually die of something. But let her keep her friend till the end.

That cat probably saved your mom’s life many times. Times your mom was sad, depressed…but that cat was always by her side.
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We had a similar issue: my then 103-yr old Aunt had to be taken to the ER by ambulance because she developed sepsis from her cat's bite on her leg in a spot we didn't see and she never told us about. She had to be hospitalized and she developed neurological symptoms. It took over a month for her to return to "normal". But she will not give up the cat and we're not going to make her because at her age she has few things that give her happiness. We are just resigned to watching out for symptoms. We do make her wear zip-up compression socks as a precaution.

How old is the cat? Animals can get dementia. My 16-yr old dog had it. Their behaviors change, too.
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I have to say it again, like others:
don’t take away the cat!

Your mom is 93. The goal isn’t to live as long as possible. Your mom loves her cat. The cat loves her. How many people have that in their lives? Very, very few.

Her cat has been loyal to her for years.
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AlvaDeer Jul 2023
You do definitely have a point if you look at it that way, Venting.
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Good suggestions here. I've had cats almost all of my 86 years, and I would be a CaTvocate for that reason. (We're down to one shy senior girl now but have usually had at least 2, if not 3, cats in the past.) Your mom's cat is probably a senior, too, and it's not always easy for senior kitties to find new homes, although it is possible. We have adopted several over the years.

I'd recommend a vet visit for kitty if there hasn't been one. There may be medical or dental health problems that need treatment. I would describe your mom's home situation to the vet and ask for advice. Low dose Prozac could be helpful, as could gabapentin if kitty tolerates it (it can cause diarrhea in some cats). I've never tried CBD oil for cats. As others have mentioned, Feliway may help. Biting behavior also can be addressed by training. It seems unlikely that your mom will remember to wear gloves, but it may be worth a try.

I would explore ALL possibilities before you consider rehoming your mom's cat. They are truly attached, and separation would be SO difficult for your mom and for her cat. If your mom remains in actual danger from bites/infections despite remediation efforts, there might be a compromise situation if it can be done and is absolutely necessary. Could a relative or neighbor who lives reasonably close possibly take the cat in and bring kitty to see your mom regularly?

Mom is 93. Something will go amiss probably in the not-too-distant future. I vote to allow her to keep her companion kitty if there is any way at all to do so.
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Don’t take her cat. That will break her heart.
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How about gloves on your mom, to protect her hands.

Don’t take away her life-long friend. They’ve been friends for a long time.
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Hopeforhelp22 Jul 2023
HI venting - that is great advice! In fact, even the disposable latex gloves that are light to wear may help!
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If you haven’t already, please take the cat for a vet checkup. Cats, like people, can get grouchy when they are in pain. Also Kitty Cupcake needs to be current on shots, esp rabies. The vet might also have suggestions.

My mom’s cat is skin sensitive, plus has old man pain in his hips and back feet. I worked on it daily with him. He is still a bit twitchy, but no longer so reactive. He tolerates petting, and when it’s too much, stops himself from chomping down.

Cats are prey-driven animals, so perhaps her cat needs more daily interactive play away from hands (for example, I avoid nose boops or finger chase, which associates fingers with biting.) I throw one or two of his toys he likes to kick and bite and make a big deal out of what a gooooood boy he is. If he gets excited and goes for my hand when I pick up a toy, I calmly say “no hand,” distract him in another direction, then toss a toy. In the beginning, he got a small treat, but now 5 min a day and no treat other my admiration of his awesomeness does it. I don’t punish, always praise when he’s done it correctly. I’ve found saying “no” 100% fails, but saying “no” and immediately redirecting to something acceptable to me that he likes works. No hands, here’s your toy, what a good boy.

I did play time only for awhile, before I touched him anywhere other than his head. I wanted him to associate me with nice things before working on the stuff potentially painful to either of us.

If you don’t have the time, patience or consistency (no judgement from me because not everyone does), you might see if there’s a trainer, nearby vet tech on the side, or pet sitter who can come out for awhile. Our cat was senior when I started working with him. Right now, he’s stretched out against me, enjoying pets on his floofy tummy, whereas before I would have been bloody.

I took my mom’s cat and dog for care reasons, but I was wrong. The animals were the only things left that Mom truly cared about and for and the only ones who loved her just for her. All the people around her were paid to be, and she was alone.

Also someone mentioned trusting her to care for the cat, you might need to watch over the care or get an automatic feeder, auto water-er and maybe auto-litter box that you (or someone) can monitor.

Finally I don’t have have this, but some in-home security cameras have pet detection and there are pet cameras. Maybe you could be high tech and monitor for kitty and see what your mom is doing when he bites her, then you’d know more what prompted the bite if otherwise the cat is good.

Just like when a human acts up and can’t tell why, I start with the basics first: physical and mental health, stimulation levels (too high or low), appropriate socialization, &c.

Hope any of this is helpful. Thank you for caring about the situation and trying to see if there are any good solutions for both human and cat.
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Animallovers Jul 2023
HappyRobin is right. First the check up with the vet to rule out any problems, the cat may even have arthritis herself or many other possibilities. I would definitely have them run bloodwork as well since that is one way to catch many of the problems older cats develop. You may also want to either learn to trim the cats nails at home or bring it in for frequent nail trims at the vets since cat scratches can be serious as well. Filing the tips down after the trimming would even be better since nail clippers can leave rough edges.

I will admit that I tried getting my mother to spend time playing with the kitten that she got during covid but she wasn’t great with follow through even though I sent her a ton of different toys. Of course that’s just my mother but a lot of people do have problems with keeping up with play time. Now that my mother lives closer to me since the covid restrictions have been lifted I have the cat.

It is difficult to re-home older animals, especially cats. One thing you could do, if any family members are able, is place the cat with someone who is able to bring the cat by for long visits but that is still not the same as having the cat with you.

Having a pet has so many positive effects on their owners that I would try to find a way even if your mother has to wear gloves. Latex gloves are not enough to stop cat claws or many times the teeth, take it from a vet tech who knows from experience! You may also want to ask her doctor if it would be possible to have some antibiotics at home to prevent an infection in the event that she does get a bite. I’ve worked with young healthy vets who have taken that approach when they’ve been bitten.

I wish you luck!
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“That will break her heart.”

Both cat’s heart and mom’s heart. OP, do you really want to break TWO hearts?

And by the way OP, your heart will be broken by breaking their hearts. So that’s THREE broken hearts.

And then all of us on the forum will also have broken hearts. That’s like 1,500 broken hearts.

Do you really want that?
:)
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I am a real animal lover, and I would certainly mourn my cat being taken from me. However, in the case of a cat that is causing actual physical damage and infection, it is no longer safe. Animal (and human) bites can be very dangerous, leading the resistant bacteria, sepsis, and even death.

Not everything can be fixed. Not everything can proceed without mourning.

I would rehome this animal where it can be loved and cared for by someone with capacity. I would get a gentle cat to replace it for my mother.

This is an individual decision you must make, knowing all that is involved. Our elders are fragile and frail and without the ability to heal as once they did.

I am so sorry.
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