This is very hard and i am so proud of all who can do this.I myself am disabled with mental illness and my partner is disabled also.I feel horrible but we just got back together after a divorce a few years ago and we have not been able to work on our own relationship. Now , we have this huge task /challenge in front of us and I want to run. It is so stressful and overwhelming and I do not want to do it. My health is important and in just a month it has been bad. My partner also has been having to take extra meds to just get by and I am afraid for him. His father can pass at any time but it is not to say it will be longer. Our home now is being taken over we have no time for anything because someone needs to be with him 24 hours a day. I go to school and work pt. I feel horrible that I do not want this stress and responsibility but I am a nervous wreck constantly because of the stress. Yes, his ex wife is here but not well herself she is 72 and his father is 78. My life is hard enough with the mental illness this is making it even harder. I feel I will have to leave and walk away from the man I love. Because he will not hung up the towel because his dad does not want to be in an assisted living facility and is upset about even paying for home healthcare help. His sister has been taking care of their father till Dec. and he was not in hospice and lived and could be on his own. They live in CA. Please help me.
This dream is another casuality of living so much longer than past generations. We now live decades beyond our last paycheck. Maybe we can manage on a fixed income all those years, unless an expensive illness strikes. And our chances of developing an illness increase greatly as we age. Many, many middle class people will be lucky to pay their own way, pay for medical needs, and perhaps some kind of assisted living arrangements, let alone have funds left over to leave to family. It is sad, and I feel sorry for those who are facing this reality in their old age.
Your partner's father would like to die knowing that he left behind an inheritance for his descendents. What he isn't seeing is that he is expecting one child to sacrifice greatly to make this happen. As sorry as I feel for dad in this situation, I think fairness has to prevail. It isn't that Dad is doing without care in order to keep the legacies intact, he is depending on one son to provide 24/7 care at no cost, with no help.
I sincerely hope the counselling you are getting will help set things on a more fair and more managable basis.
Best of luck to you and your partner, to have the opportunity to work on your relationship.
The obstacle here is probably your partner's attitude. If he will not consider placement for Dad, it doesn't matter whether it is the best choice, and it certainly doesn't matter what I think. Does he understand what this is doing to you? To his own health?
If your partner's father is going to remain in your home, some in-home care help is definitely called for. A disabled man and his mentally ill partner should not be shouldering the full responsibility of caring for a many dying of cancer and his ill wife.
Have you and your partner talked to the hospice counsellors about your situation?
I just want you to know that people care. We are all struggling in our own situations but compassion allows us to reach out to others and in this case, virtually (((hug))) one another.
I beleive that we must use all of our faculties to make decisions, not just our heart. If if comes to a point that one cannot bear the load or just need a break, if no one is giving it to us, we must help ourselves.
It is highly admirable of the Dad to want to leave a legacy after he is gone,but if in the present time, those around him are suffering...I'm not sure who's gaining what here if anything. He sounds like a caring man, I hope someone can drive the in home care giving point home to him. Your health depends on it.
I hope you all find and make the decisions that will be best for all!
let us know how you are progressing.
Luckily, he has realized at this point he needs to do things for himself as far as he can. He wants too also. However, he has taken over the home. The family great room seems to be all his TV and all. We do not watch the same shows so we my partner and I are spending a lot of time in the bedroom. My partner goes out sometimes during the day to spend some time together and sometimes not very much I go out to sit and read a magazine or the paper. I am slowly getting our room in order to make a sitting area and an extra bedroom a tv room area for me and Barry to go also a place I can listen to music , read, and do my assignments for school. It is slow going especially when my partner and I both do not feel good. But we are muddling through and trying our best to make it better for all.We know the garage could be a great storage area for his supplies but that is a mess also so we need to work on that too. Too much on our plate so I know I must chunck it down. Thank You