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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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This disease is horrible. My Mother acts out constantly. I hope you're not alone in this. Mother is delusional and accuses people of robbing her constantly. It's simply not true but hurts very badly. She wants ( and needs) someone to be around 24/7 then divides she ants to be left alone. I totally u deist and never pleasing mom - I've been trying to do so most of my life. This disease has just made her meaner and nastier. Try to hang on to the few positive moments and by all means try to arrange some help.
I think all of us who are caregivers feel entrapped at times. It makes me so sad to think how those we care for must feel.
I wish you all the best. This forum has been a welcome support to me. I hope you find some comfort in it as well.
Often I sit and try to think of some good advice, but feel like I'm the blind leading the blind. I can say that I know how you are feeling. We want so badly to help, but they have so much need and can be so unpleasant that we can start thinking about finding the nearest cliff to jump off of. Fortunately, there aren't any good cliffs around here. :) When my mother gets too irritating, I do walk away. I usually have work and chores that need to be done, so sticking around doesn't make sense. She might not like that I walk away, but it is something I do for me. I know that I am as important as she is. It took a while for me to figure that out. Your mother may not want you out of her sight, but it doesn't mean you have to stay in her sight. I take it you are staying with your mother. Just let her know you'll be in your room working if she needs you.
We really do have to be doing our own things to maintain some sense of privacy and normalcy. If you have time, let us know a bit more about you.
Patsyt, what you describe is not unusual in dementia. My suggestions are: 1) learn all you can about dementia, and if it is known, about her particular type of dementia. Knowing what to expect takes a little (not all) of the sting out of it. For example, accusing others of stealing is extremely common. Knowing that may help you take it less personally. 2) You say she's "become" nasty. Does that mean she was a reasonably pleasant person and nurturing mother in the past? If so, cherish those memories. Know that how she is now is not something she would have chosen! 3) If, instead, she has always been demanding and impossible to please, then think through what coping devices helped you through this far, and polish them up to use again! 4) Join a support group. This is a great online group -- come here often. But if at all possible find a local in-person group you can belong to. 5) A book that helped me a lot is "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by Pauline Boss. Not everyone likes to read, but if you do this is a very helpful choice.
In addition to Jeanne's excellent suggestions, you might consider having her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. Sometimes, medication for depresion and anxity can help with the anger and agitation.
Jessebelle, One benefit to "the blind leading the blind" is that at the very least, one has traveled that path before. Your experiences, and your willingness to share them has, no doubt, helped so many!
There's not much I could add to the sage advice above, but I do hope you are finding some time for yourself during the day, even if it's just to take a 5 minute walk to clear your head. You have every right to keep yourself emotionally and physically healthy, and you must do so or you'll not be any good to anyone else. If you have access to counseling that would be wonderful, but I find I get a ton of support just from the wonderful folks on here...I don't feel so alone or so trapped, knowing that others know what I'm going through. I wish you the best...try to remember to breathe :)
Patsyt- can you tell us a little bit more? Are you living with your mom or she with you? Are you your mothers primary caregiver? Are the medical or mobility issues beyond dementia? There are a whole lot of smart, kind folk here - some who are going through or have gone through the same struggles that you are I know they'd like to try to help you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think all of us who are caregivers feel entrapped at times. It makes me so sad to think how those we care for must feel.
I wish you all the best. This forum has been a welcome support to me. I hope you find some comfort in it as well.
We really do have to be doing our own things to maintain some sense of privacy and normalcy. If you have time, let us know a bit more about you.
1) learn all you can about dementia, and if it is known, about her particular type of dementia. Knowing what to expect takes a little (not all) of the sting out of it. For example, accusing others of stealing is extremely common. Knowing that may help you take it less personally.
2) You say she's "become" nasty. Does that mean she was a reasonably pleasant person and nurturing mother in the past? If so, cherish those memories. Know that how she is now is not something she would have chosen!
3) If, instead, she has always been demanding and impossible to please, then think through what coping devices helped you through this far, and polish them up to use again!
4) Join a support group. This is a great online group -- come here often. But if at all possible find a local in-person group you can belong to.
5) A book that helped me a lot is "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by Pauline Boss. Not everyone likes to read, but if you do this is a very helpful choice.