I care for my dad with dementia in my home. We have a video monitor which we use at night, and have his sleep habits pretty much under control. I fall asleep fine. I can wake up on my own in the middle of the night, like to use the bathroom, and go back to sleep just fine. However, when Dad calls for me in the middle of the night (this week was BAD, it was four nights in a row because of gas issues with his colostomy, and then last night it was my daughter not feeling well, I need SLEEP, lol!) I wake on high alert/with high anxiety and I CANNOT go back to sleep. I’ve tried oils, breathing & relaxation techniques, and melatonin. I’m just so amped up after I take care of that situation, that nothing works. Any suggestions?
It might also be a good idea to hire somebody to "take a night shift" a couple of times per week so you can just relax and sleep. Hire a sitter for minimum wage, or ask a family member to help, so you can just sleep and know that somebody else will attend to your father at night.
Without enough sleep, I am a zombie.
It’s good that your dad is normally able to sleep through the night and that this week was unusual.
I have two ideas. Increase the Magnesium in your diet. Here is an interesting article and you can find many suggesting magnesium is important for sleep, even depression and anxiety.
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/magnesium-and-sleep
My second thought is that you need a plan for backup. No matter how good a sleep aid is, you have to be able to spend some time in bed. After one sleepless night, you need to find someone to come in and manage things so that you can get sleep. Your reserves are depleted.
And since dad is normally sleeping during the night, I’ll assume he’s needing attention during the day.
See if you can find a friend, relative or agency who can come in for those second nights to allow you to refresh.
Last year a cousin with Covid was taking care of both elderly parents with Covid and two other family members. She needed sleep. She couldn’t get anyone to come into “Covid house”. She asked her sister to monitor her dad on the cameras so she could get sleep. She did this for a few nights and it allowed her the ability to feel things were ok enough for her to sleep awhile. At its worse her dad had to be taken to the hospital twice where he was kept for several days each time, which allowed her to sleep. Not wishing your dad to need to be taken to the hospital but for the long haul you need backup.
Respite care for your dad might also be an idea. How long has it been since you have had a few days away from caregiving?
I hope you sleep well tonight and awake refreshed.
I will try the magnesium, definitely. I can’t get an agency to come out for respite care because he can’t handle his colostomy independently, so even if I hired someone for one overnight so I could sleep in peace, they would still wake me if he had a colostomy issue. That’s been a little frustrating and something I didn’t understand when I took on this task! If I as an untrained caregiver can change his colostomy, I don’t understand why trained aides can’t, but I guess I don’t make the rules. Oh well, hopefully tonight will be better!
In the days of cassette players - I guess we all remember those on here although younger people don't -one could get a tape of being talked through relaxation. I know that in the UK we can get the same on CD (almost as hard to play as a tape these days but personal players with headphones are still around). There is a man Paul McKenna who has made a series of CDs - I don't know if they are available in USA, but they probably are on ebay uk if not USA. Playing something quietly that you have to concentrate on to "force" relaxation, can be very effective - I have used it for panic attacks - and in time one becomes able to achieve the end result without the "tape". Not an instant solution but very helpful and building to a long term effect which can be life changing. If you can find such a thing then give it a go. Good luck.
Our brains will fulfill our thoughts. If we lie there and think I can't sleep, then I won't sleep. If I think I'll never be able to go back to.sleep, then I won't.
I worked shift works for 8 years, two weeks per shift. The easiest shifts were the repetitive 8 hours (8-4, 10-6, 4-12, 12 mid -8a) The worst shifts were 8-4 one day, 4-12, the next, 10-6, the next, 3-11, etc. One of the other Inspectors told me this trick and I've used it for 30+ years. It took one of my friends about 10 days to master it, but she did.
Having said that, I would love to sleep an uninterrupted 8 hours. But I'm afraid that day will be here sooner than I want.😔
very calming. Works like a charm. No feeling of “being high”. Benzodiazepines can cause memory problems. No known side effects with the cannabis. I live in California where it’s legal and readily available.
See All Answers