I care for my mother and I still live at home with her. Do I have to pay rent?

Oh, boy. I SO relate to your story. I did pay Mom rent except for the last two months of caring for her. Here is what you must do: provide a schedule and task list of what you do for your Mother. Research other caregiving providers in your area (Home Instead) and get their hourly rate and figure out the cost for a caregiver for your Mom. They will soon realize that you are working for almost nothing!!!

They have ZERO clue what it means to be a caregiver.

Simply tell your siblings that you will gladly pack your bags and move out if they want to move in and do what you do, in addition to paying rent!! What you are doing and how much you pay or don't pay is between YOU and YOUR MOTHER - it is none of their business! You should tell them to do some research on the cost of hiring someone to do what you do - maybe then they will shut up. My siblings didn't help me care for our mother either, the difference is that our mother moved into MY house, so I didn't hear any of that garbage from them. My mom insisted on paying me "rent" when she was here, but that money went right back out and into my gas tank and groceries for her, so I didn't hear any crap about me charging her rent (she insisted on paying her way...I didn't "charge her") Sometimes siblings need a huge reality check - time you give them one! Hang in there!

This was actually a good question to ask. I answered it yesterday, but I have thought about it all day long today. As POA and full time caregiver our duties are not always just to the patient, as least mine are not. I care for my mother and I have to deal with the house and property, upkeep and maintenance, I have performed work myself, dealt with contractors and fired them, as well as sued one all on behalf of my mother. I pay all bills and coordinate insurance, I handle her finances and banking, then make sure she makes it to doctor appointments, procure prescriptions and make sure she never runs out of them or her vitamins, I do laundry, I cook, I clean, not just for her but everyone in the house. I use my vehicle for everything and yet I pay the insurance and gas. I purchase groceries bring them home, and put them away. Now I am testing her blood coagulation at home as well as doing med checks on blood pressure, heart rhythm, temperature and weight, plus a whole lot more!!!

Wow, If you do what I do, then my answer is NO YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT BE PAYING RENT, IN FACT YOU SHOULD BE PAID A SALARY!

Momscare 1929: I hear where you are coming from on this question and it can be a touchy situation with your siblings.

Personally I was brought into my parents home because I was sick, along with my daughter. My parents cared for me and therefore I promised them I would care for them.

My father has passed but I am caring for my Mother and I do not pay rent per se, but what I do pay is 1/3 of all household expenses. My mother and sister pay the other 2/3 of household expenses. I take all reoccurring expenses, Water and Power, Gas, Cable which includes TV, Internet and Phone, and I keep a log book and I figured it out for an entire year and we just pay a set amount each month that goes into an account.

As far as "should you be required to pay," that is honestly a different story and only one that you and your siblings can work out. Is it fair for them to be angry with you for not paying rent? My answer would be "No not really." First of all I would hope that you are a very good and conscience care giver to your Mom who wants to do the very best for her that you can. If this is the case, I would call around to agencies and find out just how much it would cost to hire someone to come in and do the work you do. In California the cost is $25 per hour for someone good, although you might be able to find someone for about $12, but they may not be exactly what you would have wished for. The next thing I would do would be to call some Nursing Homes or Live in Facilities and ask for their costs. I would also keep meticulous records about everything I did for Mom each and every day. Next I would present it to my siblings and tell them that this is what they are looking at paying for someone to care for Mom if they don't want you doing it. I would show them all the receipts of items or bills you have been paying so they can see that you are helping to pay for household expenses. You are basically going to have to "prove" to them that you are actually working to care for Mom and not just plopped on the couch watching soap operas all day.

You need to have a calm conversation with your siblings or write them a letter being kind and explain the situation, lay out the facts and tell them that your labor in caring for Mom is worth something and therefore anything that you may not pay in rent is more than paid for in the labor, love and care, you provide to Mom.

Our siblings never seem to see the value in the services we perform and it makes me crazy! I have two siblings and one lives with us, but I am basically the sole care giver. They work and bring in a weekly paycheck, they pay into social security and pensions, that I do not have nor will I have when I become of age to make use of it. This never phases them, in a way if I sat and thought about it, I am not much more than a slave who basically works for room and board although I PAY for 1/3 of that!

You need to have this difficult conversation with your siblings, start with one who you think will side with you and then go on to the others. In the meantime, be the best care giver you can be to your Mom, no one else offered to do it, did they?

Everything about your question/situation makes my blood boil!

Useless siblings, looking for a piece of the pie without buying the ingredients or cooking it are leeches. You are paying rent via utilities, groceries, caregiver.

I recommend you listen to Perseverance & Raven and list all that you do down. I'm sure if they were in your shoes for 24hrs they wouldn't last!

Agree, no you shouldn't pay rent! The going rate in No. Va is $20/hr for CNA, skilled nursing is more. Chipping in on expenses such as food might be warranted but if you are preparing all the meals, well that would be another catering expense your sibs should understand. Sounds like greediness and unappreciation for what you do and the responsibility and commitment involved caring for an elder. If they want to try it they should step up or at the very least educate themselves. Let them face having to manage a stranger as a hired caregiver and them being the go to contact for every little thing and they'll be begging you to come back and resume care.

I guess along the same line we should expect a stay-at-home mom to pay her husband rent so she can stay home and take care of their children. I mean, isn't she just mooching off of him? Those kids aren't really any work.

I look through all the work I do here at my mother's house. I do everything except watch TV for her. My bills each month are about $1.5K, while hers are about $1K. There is no mortgage, only house upkeep. She has her phone, I have mine. She has her TV, I have my computer. She pays the house utilities. I pay the car expenses. We both buy groceries. It would cost me about $700 more a month to live elsewhere, so one might say she is paying me about $700 a month. This gets her a cook, maid, yardman, chauffeur, grocery shopper, accountant, plumber, nursing assistant, and companion. It keeps her from having to go into a nursing home -- priceless to her.

A year ago, I gave up my job, locked up my condo and moved in with my mum to care for her full time. Because I gave up my job I DO take a salary from my mum, she can afford it and why shouldn't I? My 2 sisters never volunteered to give up their lives and care for mum so I did. If I didn't take a salary then that money would be sitting in the bank and when my mum dies it would be divided amongst the siblings when I did all the work caring for mum..NO WAY. If you allow your siblings to try to control you with their words .. they will. Even though you have kept your job, you still come home to a second job which is caring for your mum. You absolutely should NOT pay rent and if your siblings don't like the fact that you don't.. then offer them the job.YOU call the shots , not them !!

Caregivers are often seen by family as mooches. It seems like they would have a clue. First of all, if they aren't involved, it is none of their business. It is between your mother and you. Second, you could tell them you would be glad to move and you could hire a live-in caregiver for room, board, and salary. Maybe they would get some appreciation for what you do for free. Personally I think it would be nice if your mother paid all the living expenses, because you donate your time and work so freely to her. I have a feeling you would never leave her, but letting your dummy siblings know how much your services are worth may make them get a bit more respect.

Just reading your comment makes me mad at your siblings!

You are NOT abusing your mom and you are NOT taking advantage of her. At the very least your presence lends itself to your mother's personal safety. You are caring for your mom and making it possible for her to stay in her own home, which is priceless.

Tell your siblings they are welcomed to move in with and take care of her (do all the things you do), and if they aren't willing to do that then they need to shut the hell up.