My dad moved in with me, then I got married. Dad had a stroke, # 4 and third heart attack, while on his job. He lost his job, due to endangering others on the road. So he moved in with me.
He did not raise me, so I thought we could get to know one another.
He has been with me for two years. He does not take his meds, he sleeps all day, and he does not make it to the bathroom in time and blames the dog for urinating on the floor. I set up appointments for him, he does not go. I pay for his meds, does not take them. He refuses to clean up after himself nor cares for himself, like showering.
My husband is great with him, but he cares for his mother also. She lives at her own home. I have two brothers who refuse to help.
I have talked to him about assistant living. He does not want to hear it.
He is 61 years old. I teach special needs kids and I worry about him being alone.
I do not know if alot of his issues are manipulation or he does have medical concerns.
I have repeatly told him... I can not help you if you are not willing to help yourself.
Losing his job, losing his health and with the exception of your love and kindness, he doesn't have many friends or relatives who care about him. It sounds as if he has lost hope. If he is suffering depression and loss of hope you may be able to help him with little steps. Did he ever have a hobby like fishing. Even a family cookout, or just sitting down with a game of cards. He sounds like he needs counseling but He may not even be willing to seek counseling, but perhaps you can and on his behalf get some help to counsel with him.
It would be good for him to have his own place but at 61 he's still too young for Social Security. Perhaps he is eligible for disability. Depending on finances, there are many government options for independent living. You would still be able to check on him, have dinner, take him out from time to time.
My dad behaved much the same way (except no dog to blame it on) and my mom mistakenly thought it was willful to, but it was in fact frontotemporal dementia. She'd yell at him all the time which did not make ANYTHING better...after he fell a few times and she could not help him up, he went into skilled nursing. I began to find out about my Mom having her own problems when I had to work on his Medicaid case getting denied because she would just get mad and not send them the papers they were asking for...I did not realize what was happening though when I look back now I feel like I should have known.
1. He agrees to complete medical work up with a dr who specializes in geriatric care. Get some referrals from elders in your neighborhood, fellow teachers or your own dr.
2. He agrees to take meds.
3. He agrees to pitch in on some tasks including personal hygiene.
4. Violation of any of the above will result in you hiring in home care a few hrs a week and he will have to foot the bill.
5. You will hire housecleaning help and you both will split the bill.
6. Insist he go to senior center at least 3 days per wk. you drop him off on way to school and you either pick him up after or maybe he can ride bus back to your house. Most senior centers have a bus service where they can bring person home after lunch or end of day.
Lastly, have a sit down with him and just be honest and tell him you can no longer meet his care needs. That his care requires more skilled care, time, and supervision than you have to give with a new family and teaching job and that you will help him find a new living arrangement within the next 60 days or before school starts.
Reassure him that you tried, you'll visit and have a regular dinner night, whatever.