Am I looking at this all wrong?????

I have been able to visit my mom 3 times a week at the memory care facility my bro put my mom into about 6-7 months ago.In the beginning of Feb. he told me where she was and that I could begin seeing her. I used to have Medical POA but now my bro and sis have it over my mom. I visit her on Tues., Weds. and Saturdays. I take my mom out on almost every visit to just get her out and about from the facility. They have activities now and then at the facility but my mom really doesn't like to join in, really never has been that type of person. She likes to get out and go places or watch other people participating in activities. My bro called me this week and asked me if I'm taking my mom out every time I see her. I told him for most part yes. Not for more than an hour or two. Then I bring her back. He told me that "Judy" some administrator person told him that it was a bad idea for me to do that because she will get confused that the facility is her home. Especially when she gets worse. She has ALZ yet is physically mobile and lucid most of the times. Her speech is affected by not having the words to say things but I am pretty good at knowing what she's saying. She doesn't do it all the time with talking. Her short term memory on several things is still decent although there is decline. She has problems with her long term memory as well but is still fairly high functioning, yet there is decline. I'm the one that got my mom to go to the doc to get a diagnosis whereas my bro or sis did nothing to help out.

Am I looking at this in the wrong way????? Why would taking her out now, while she can enjoy it, make for her to not realize that the facility is her home when I bring her back each time? Why should she be cooped up in the facility and rarely go out? When she lived with me, we used to go out ALL the time. Almost every day. Does this not stimulate her mind/brain and physically keep her active? If I don't take her out we sit and talk at the facility. That works too but it isn't as much fun or as stimulating for her, and I guess for me as well. I just want my mom to be happy for as long as she can be. When I visit her, she's sitting on the porch. Sometimes waiting for me and other times, not knowing what time I'll be there, just looking at the trees, sky and birds. Am I looking at it wrong or does this administrator not understand mental stimulation as being important as I feel it is? My bro doesn't ask questions just wants to go along with what Judy says. I want to question it. My mom has told me more than once to not listen to my bro and we can go out if I chose to take her. When I visit, I am there 3-4 hours, sometimes a little more. She refuses to take a shower with any of the caregivers, so I give her the shower. She has no problem with her doing what I ask of her. I don't tell her to do anything, I ask her. What am I missing here?????

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I understand what you mean and could argue it either way. I wish I knew the answer myself. We are caring for my mother in law with dementia. She lives next door to us. Sometimes we take her places and her caregiver likes to take her to the movies or out to lunch occasionally. I like the fact that she can get out, but 9 times out of 10 it results in several hours or sometimes a day or two of of her being upset. Seems to bring on the "I want to go home" syndrome and in general she just gets pretty confused and agitated because we are taking her back to a home she doesn't remember. She has lived next to us for 3 years, but thinks she lives in her old house when we are out and doesn't understand why we arn't going there when we are going home from an outing. Her DR told us that routine is very comforting for dementia patients. What we might consider a simple outing might be way too much stimulation for them. We have noticed that when we scale back outings she seems to be more adjusted and happy on a consistent basis. We are struggling with the same issue you are. We feel bad if we don't get her out occasionally, but when we take her out it often causes more stress after and she never remembers the outing anyhow.

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So your brother says not outside visits b/c the adm said so. I would talk to "Judy" the adm myself and ask her why she thinks this. Does the POA object to this? it seems to me that an outing would be good for her. But plz visit with Judy.

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Am I looking at this all wrong?????

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