My mother and my husband have not gotten along for a very long time, but now, my mom cannot be left alone and 3 of us are in charge of watching her. I watch her 2 days a week, my brother another 2 days and her grandson 3 days. When she is at our house, my husband complains to me that he doesn't want her there and says mean things about her, hoping she will hear them. She sometimes does and wants to leave, but I try to make her think he is talking about something else, and not her.
I know she has made some mistakes in her life, one of them being that she will leave everything only to her grandson, (another reason my husband does not want to have her at home). He says if he is leaving everything to him, he should take care of her and not ask for any help. She also has supported her grandson for years. He does not work.
I understand my husband's anger, but she is still my mother and if she wants to spend some time with me, I have to let her.
I just don't think I can take the nagging anymore. My husband gets really mad at me for having her, so he argues with me and then doesn't talk to me for days. The situation is very tense.
To add to this, her grandson is mad at the whole family, doesn't talk to me, is always upset at his own father, my brother. He tries to find things we did wrong to call my brother and scream at him, because she forgot her glasses at my house or her clothes, or whatever insignificant thing. He also has a say in everything. My brother and I wanted to hire someone to watch her sometimes and he will not allow us to.
I don't think I can live like this very long. I feel that the stress is going to make me ill. I sometimes have a pain in my chest.
I am almost ready to rent an apartment and stay there the two days and nights that my mother has to be with me.
I know that can sound hard, but it really is that simple.
It sounds like both of these ladies have husbands with control issues and could use a bit of therapy on their own. I am all about open conversation, why don't you suggest talking to your minister or doctor.
I know having a parent living in your home is difficult on many different levels. Some husbands are still little boys and there is jealously and resentment when the wife is taking of someone else. The attention meant for husband, as far as the husband sees it, is focused elsewhere and it just doesn't sit well.
Sadly, if it is causing too much stress in the home; then you do have to make another decision for the care of the parent. If you and your husband had a great relationship before this new responsibility, then there is only one decision. If this caregiving has brought previous issues and concerns back into the picture then the decision can be very difficult and will probably require professional help.
Best of luck to you both!
I'm not going to comment on your husband's attitude partly 'cos I don't know him and partly because I might forget my manners. Just don't get browbeaten into anything you aren't completely comfortable with, please.