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Dad died in June, he and Mom left me general POA and full authority over advance health care directive. Dad knew that I would have these issues and he tried to protect us the best he could. I am caretaker to mom who has Alzheimer's dementia, is on oxygen 24/7 . I am youngest of siblings. Mom and I both received papers in the mail stating we are being summoned to a hearing on Aug. 14 to determine guardianship of mom. Mom is happy with me at her house. Siblings are unhappy as I am to inherit the family home after mom passes. They are greedy and want house sold. All of their previous lies and rants to APS, and sheriff office has been unfounded. Sister even went so far as to post pics of my messy house (I had pneumonia and teen son had gallbladder surgery the week before.) She marched into my house... taking photos of my chaos of the moment. Not once has she or my brother ever offered help... only criticize. They turned me into APS COUNTLESS TIMES. CPS, was called the day before my dad died (hospice in my living room.) They told CPS that there was a meth lab in our HOME! And I was forced to take an immediate drug test which I passed... They said I was abusing mom's medications. She needs shoulder surgery, both hips and knees redone. Her heart cannot tolerate surgery. I take the best care if my mom that I possibly can. It's not easy... it's downright exhausting most days. I have the support of a very repidudable home health agency, APS has found no reasons for concern. And law enforcement stands behind me. And still I get this letter today. Just to upset me. My mom is happy with me and my care. She can't stop crying thinking she will lose her home and our new level of normal since losing Dad June 20. He passes at 2:30 am. Family didn't leave until 6 am. My siblings came by at 8am to take mom to breakfast. I had to wake her so she could go. They skipped breakfast and instead took her to her bank. She sat down at a desk where she couldn't hear and my sister cleaned out her savings accounts, had her credit and debit cards declared lost and unusable. They didn't bring her back home until after 9pm that same night. Friends came to offer her their condolences and she was no where to be found.
Can my siblings actually take her from her home of 60+ years and away from my care when I have done nothing but give her all of my loving care and time? Does she have any say in this at all? Will judge listen to what SHE ACTUALLY WANTS?
Thanks in advance to all who respond and give me advice. I am disabled myself and our financial situation is not good... so I appreciate any and all help full suggestions. We live in Utah.

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Since your MIA sister is trying to get guardianship for your mother, I would get a lawyer to fight it and to present your case for why you are the better pick for guardian. I hope this works out in your favor.
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kpitts0949, first my heartfelt sympathy for the passing of your Dad.

Run don't walk to your phone and make an appointment to see an Elder Law Attorney. The Attorney can advise you of what to do regarding all these situations that are going on.

As for inheriting the family home, please note that with Alzheimer's/dementia there will come a time when Mom will need skilled nursing care. Otherwise you would be caring for your Mom 168 hours per week with hardly any sleep. Note that 40% of caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring.

Usually what most people do if they are unable to budget cost of bringing into the home skilled caregivers or to self-pay for a skilled nursing facility is for Mom to apply for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare].

Medicaid will put a lien on the house. Once Mom passes on, then Medicaid will ask that the house be sold, and the equity from the house will go to Medicaid to reimburse the money they paid for her care. Any money left over then will be split among the siblings or however the Will is written.

Oh by the way, the same thing will happen even if your sister gets guardianship. If the house is sold, the equity belongs to Mom for the next 5 years, as Medicaid has a 5 year look back. Any money taken from Mom will be deducted from her care, and your sister would need to pay the difference.
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Thank you for replying to me. I haven't slept a wink...up all night worrying. I have been the caretaker of my parents for many years. Losing my Dad was so traumatic for me..he was our rock .....until he just couldn't be anymore. He left me in charge as he knew I would see that their wishes were carried out to the best of my ability. I feel so bad for my mom....she didn't ask for Alzheimer's dementia. She is aware of what is going on....how her kids are fighting over her ...and how my siblings only want her for her money, home, property,etc. There isn't any money in all actuality. The house is old, needing repair and I am putting what little we both have extra into our home. I am to inherit this....or this is what my parents both wanted in their wills. I am disabled myself and receive SSI. Being a full time caretaker is hard...there aren't enough hours in the day. But when I look my mom in the eye, I can't help recalling how my dad and I both promised her that she wouldn't ever have go to a nursing home. I realize that Alzheimer's isn't going to get better. It's going to get worse and worse until the only choice I have is to seek help . She's already at least a stage 5. Im trying my best to honor my parents and give my mom the security and dignity she so richly deserves.
Im going to consult with an elder law attorney. The hearing is coming up very soon. Im off to the courthouse in a matter of hours to contest her petition to take over my mother's care. She doesn't even know our mom....not the person she is now. Mom doesn't want to go with her or my brother. The family ties that once bound us dutifully to each other are gone now. These are people that I wouldn't trust with my worst enemy...let alone my precious mother!!
Thanks again for the condolences for my Dad. He was cremated and wanted absolutely no services of any kind. I haven't been able to grieve for dad since the barrage of accusations and basically b.s. that my older siblings have inflicted. They fight in dirty ways and I dont want to ever stoop to their level.
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If you are on SSI you will probably have a tough time fighting this with a lawyer because of the costs involved. If you can't afford the lawyer you see ask for info on where you can get free legal aid services or for someone who might work this case for you pro bono.
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It sounds like it's time to turn to an eldercare lawyer on this one and see what they have to say. If someone is trying to take away the house your parents already arranged for you to inherit, hopefully they made out there will or at least some other alternate arrangement such as a TOD or transfer on death or whatever it may be called in your state. It sounds to me like you're being bullied and you need to take legal action to bring this to a screeching halt because it sounds to me like there may also be some level of harassment involved, and if so, it needs to be nipped in the bud right now before it gets out of hand and everything gets screwed up. A nursing home bullied my friend into signing over his mom's check to them and giving up his POA for his mom. They wanted the money sooner than it was available, I think she was paid on the third if I recall right. He cashed in an annuity and helped with her nursing home cost. He did this until he ran out of money and could no longer pay the bill. They kept sending letters and she eventually had to be put on Medicaid because there was no more money from the annuity. I don't know if a guardian since took over her, but I pity her if they have because she's at their mercy. I must also mention that had that been me they tried to bully, I've got my parents tamper and I can fight back pretty hard myself because no one believes me and gets away with it. I was born with fighter genes that  came from most likely both sides of my family. Don't let anyone bully you either because it sounds to me like you're being bullied and you need to fight back hard

In your case, you definitely need legal help on this one if you don't already have it. Trying to handle this matter on your own without the right help is definitely not smart on your part

One thing to remember is that your mom has rights despite her condition. What she says matters because she matters
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Sorry to hear you are going through this. Can you take your mother to the hearing to testify as to her wishes and the money theft? Bank statements showing the withdrawals will help along with all other documentation about being turned in to APS without just cause. The judge will see the good dynamics between you and your mom and the evil on the faces of the siblings. This getting old stuff is tough...
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There are now legal penalties for false reports to APS. Mention those to the judge as well. Medicaid rule in many states is that the family caregiver can remain in the house until death then will take the house as a result of liens over the years. Get the home care agency to testify regarding the care that you provide and neighbors and anyone else you can think of. Someone from the bank should also testify and they probably have video that can be used to help you. Get mom's doctor to write a letter or testify about mom's care needs and how you meet that.

And find an attorney.
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The judge will listen to what your mother wants, yes, and will also pay attention to evidence of your father's and your mother's consistent and formally stated wishes as laid down in their directives.

So that will be one important factor. But there are others; and what the judge will primarily be concentrating on is your mother's best interests now and going forward.

Your siblings are going to point to a household where a disabled person with a teenage son and scant financial resources of her own is attempting to provide 24/7 care for an elderly widow who has Alzheimers Disease and requires oxygen (so she has other health difficulties as well, yes?). Whereas were the house to be sold, the resources could be directed into high quality professional care in an appropriate setting for your mother's needs, which would also free you to get your life back on track and concentrate on your son.

Please note, I'm not against you. I just think it is important for you to see clearly what the argument is going to be, and especially to understand that when it comes to the pros and cons your siblings have a good case.

How are you going to rebut it? Well, there's your mother's wishes, and your parents' clear plan for your mother to stay in her home with your support and for you to inherit the home on her passing. But even the best-laid plans still have to adapt to present realities.

You're exhausted, broke and overstretched. You have a son. You have disabilities. So why DO you think the best possible plan is for you to carry on in the teeth of your family's opposition? Have you considered alternatives?

Go into court with a closed mind, tell the judge how hard your life is, accuse your siblings of being callous greedy bastards with no merit to their application at all; and your siblings will come out with guardianship before you can say "WHAT meth lab?" You need constructive, forward-thinking advice from an experienced lawyer. Why not ask around among your contacts at APS and the care agency and see if they can recommend one. The bill goes to your mother, by the way: she's the client.
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Countrymouse, I support your input and hope the OP will get the most out of it.  The lawyer and courts can be of assistance to you vs. just a forum for this dispute.  You may be better served by more assistance, which Mom can qualify for and you all deserve.  Good luck and god bless.
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That's sad that they took your Mother to the bank instead of taking her out to lunch. The vultures are circling.
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Utah has a couple of legal aid locations, within and outside of SL County. Toll free phone is 800-662-4245(outside Salt Lake County) and 801-328-8891 (inside Salt Lake county). Call them. They do a general screening, and if you qualify, they have multiple attorney's that cover everything from family law to criminal law. Make sure to document every incident that has taken place. Dates, times, what happened to the best of your knowledge. Also ask for written statements from all in your corner..Sheriffs Dept, APC, DCFS, anyone else who knows you and the positive things you have been doing to take care of your mom. If you are a member of the church, call your Bishop...maybe he will have resources for you as well. As one person said, you will want to hire an attorney quickly. This situation is stressful, and gathering info for a legal battle may seem daunting. However, you will want to protect yourself from the false reports and accusations. Once you have an attorney they will be able to give you the best legal advice in order to properly protect your mom, her finances, and your living situation. Good luck with everything, and good job for hanging in there...it isn't easy.
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Sorry for what you're going through. Very frightening and
frustrating for you and your mother! Your relatives sound
like vultures. I can only reiterate what the other posters
have said, in particularly countrymouse. Good luck!
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Countrymouse always gives fantastic advice. I chime in to give you both perspective and emotional support. There are many wonderful nursing homes and caring caregivers out there. As your mother declines she will need 24-hour help. Only very wealthy people can afford to have around the clock caregivers in their homes. The rest of us will have to place our parents in care. If you and your siblings could come to an agreement about what is best for your mother (an astute judge may be able to negotiate that in the upcoming hearing) she could be placed in a good home. You could step from the role of exhausted caregiver (note: Alzheimer's patients often get very angry and take it out on their caregivers) and be a loving daughter, visiting often with renewed energy and good cheer. A good judge (fingers crossed) can show your siblings how relationships can be destroyed (if they haven't been already) over what may work out to be very little money. Take a deep breath. Be kind to yourself. When your regular caregiver comes, use that time to talk to a lawyer from legal aid, but sure to have any legal documents (wills, POA, etc.) in hand. Maybe one of your siblings is sympathetic to doing what's best for mom. Maybe that sibling would visit memory care homes with you.
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If Mom can no longer make decisions, then what siblings did was illegal. It's theft. If Mom ever needs Medicaid what they did would be count against her. Yes, you need a lawyer.
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Country mouse has good points. You seem to be able to get reports showing that families claims are unfounded.
Now about siblings being able to just walk in. Change the locks. I wouldn't trust them not to steal from you. If my Mom was asleep I would not have waken her. They awake in a confused state. We're u on Mom's accounts? Then I think out of courtesy the bank should have called you. Then u could have informed them Mom was not able to make those kind of decisions. Laws need to change when it comes to bank accounts when it comes to joint accts. No one should be able to clean the other out. Let a lawyer deal with this.
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#1.) Your sister can't "march into your home", take photos & think she's going to use them against you. The inside of your home is private property & she did not have your permission to photograph anything inside your home. The judge will throw them out.

#2.) If you are POA, how did your sister go to the bank with your mother, clean out her savings accounts & cancel her credit/bank cards? Even with your mother, a bank employee would be very suspicious of your mother showing up with

#3.) You are being bullied by your siblings. You have to start standing up for yourself, stop allowing them into your home & obstruct their access to your mother. The day after your father died, you shouldn't have let them in the house, you shouldn't have woken your mother up at 8am to go to "breakfast", you shouldn't have allowed them to take your mother anywhere.

#4.) You can try to get a restraining order against your siblings. First, you'd have to file some type of charges against them---grand larceny might be a good place to start. Go to the police department & tell them that your siblings stole all the money your mother had in savings accounts---the bank has videos of it, which they will produce upon request of the police. If there is a legitimate will, you can produce that as well.

#5.) You should go to the court to file a complaint for harassment & all the associated complaints. Repeatedly calling APS for no reason is definitely harassment. Your siblings are trying to wear you down. You can also file a lawsuit against them for defamation & slander for reporting a meth lab in your house. (The issue of being "forced" into a drug test on the spot is something different altogether---nobody has the authority to order you to take a drug test without supporting evidence. Even CPS can't do something like that----they'd have to open a case against you first. Martial law does not exist.)
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Definitely get a lawyer. Then dig up all your financial records to prove what you did or did not do with mom's money while she lived with you. Most of these cases are lost when the defendant (you) cannot account for the money.
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One of the posters mentioned that there may be some level of harassment involved---well, that's inaccurate. YOU ARE BEING COMPLETELY HARASSED!!! That is a legal issue. It is against the law to harass another, to intimidate and bully them. I hope you are keeping documentation on all their behaviors and accusations. If so, and you can find a lawyer to represent you and your mom then launch a counter suit against them for the mental anguish they are causing both of you, especially your mom. What they are doing is just plain cruel. If they are LDS, then talk with their bishop about their behavior. It sounds like you are going to have to get ruthless to a certain extent.

Also, if your mom has dementia/Alzheimer's, what legal right did they have to clean your mom's savings account out? That money is meant for her care and I think it is theft to take the money/assets of a senior citizen and rob them of what they need for their care. Talk with someone at the bank or APS about that. Actually, I think you could turn them into APS for what they are doing to your mom.

Good luck!
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I sent you a PM with the contact info for an elder Law attorney I recommend here in Utah. In any guardianship process your mom by law should have her own counsel.
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Be very careful about taking cyber referrals from anyone to anyone. It could be a scam. You are always better off to look up resources yourself to make sure you have legit contact information. And never give out personal information or credit card information on a call unless you are absolutely certain whom you are speaking with! This is always the best way to handle anything, especially on a site like this and especially when the poster is new to the site!
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I agree wholeheartedly with both previous posts - that the mother must have her own counsel, and that cyber referrals are to be handled with extreme caution - and am happy to say that in this instance I don't believe these are mutually exclusive :)
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I absolutely agree that the poster should do her own due diligence in finding an attorney. I am a dementia specialist Social worker here in Utah and unfortunately good elder law attorneys that understand complicated family dynamics can be difficult to find in our state. I provided her with the name of a professional that has helped several of my patients with complicated situations. Another good resource for finding a elder law specialist is https://www.naela.org/ (national academy of elder law attorneys).
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You are doing the right thing meeting with an attorney. Even though the costs are hard to manage sometimes the only recourse is to involve the courts to protect the rights of you and your mom. They can also sometimes take steps to have your mom's money returned to her control so she can continue to use it to pay for her care. Utah medicaid does have a 5 year look back for services so if your siblings have cleared out the account that can have very serious implications for her care. Adult protective services can also be a good resource in helping take legal action to protect your mom. Working through adult protective services they may have legal low cost (or pro-bono) resources available other than legal aid. I have not had patients who have had much luck getting guardianship help through legal aid especially in cases like this where you are in the middle of a crisis and time is of an essence. I would bring any financial Power of attorney documents to your bank and confront them about allowing your sister to clean out mom's account. They can flag the account so it cannot happen again.
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My mind keeps going back to the sibs taking her to the bank & clearing out her accounts...I'd call APS & "ask" what they think about that - then maybe that should come out in the guardianship hearing? As POA - I'd believe you have a duty to do that, so exercise that?
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