My BF takes care of his 96 yr old dad who has stage 5 or 6 alzheimer's. They live in a small house together. My 13 y.o. daughter and I live in a small house together. My BF and I want to get married and be able to have all of us live together in one home. But, his dad's house is too small for 4 people, and my house is too small, also. My BF has property that he plans on building a house on, but he doesn't have the funds at this time because he has had to cut working down to part time to take care of his dad. He doesn't get paid to take care of his dad, and does it by himself, but pretty-much lives with him for free. His name is on his dad's bank account and he is his dad's POA. He has no siblings, so all of his dad's assets willl go to my BF when his dad passes. Can he legally take money out of his dad's bank account to begin building a house on his property that is big enough to accomodate all 4 of us? His dad has convinced himself that he has no money, although he has plenty. His dad has lost most of his short term memory, and can't make rational decisions. To try and explain to him what we want to do would be pointless. He thinks he has no money to begin with. But to do it without his knowledge or approval seems almost like stealing....
I can fully understand that you want to have a life of your own with a new husband, but all of us here find life comes to a screeching halt when there are elders involved. My plans to retire and travel the world stopped 6 years ago and I don't foresee those plans ever getting off the ground now due to my own age decline.... but my parents had a fantastic retirement.
And, like I said before, I know perfectly well that what I have said sounds selfish. But if you had any idea what I have been through you would totally understand. And, I know...doesn't give me any right..... I just wish it would be my turn to be happy....in all of my 48 years I can't ever remember being truly happy....
That's my whole point, flyer, my BF has not even had a life yet and it's likely that he won't be free to have one until he also is older with age decline. My mother was so afraid that she was going to be a burden to her children in her old age that she bought NH insurance. Then she developed cancer we didn't find out until a month before she died because she didn't want anyone to be worried or burden anyone to have to care for her.
And even though this IS related to caring for an elder, I will now close this conversation. Thanks again for everyone's input. Take care!