My mother is an alcoholic and prescription drugs abuser. She has been an alcoholic for years, too long ago to remember. Me and my dad have offered rehab countless times. I have helped her become sober for so long, but it's becoming too much to handle with school, and the fact that she always starts up again regardless of what I do. I have become extremely angry and frustrated. I don't speak to her anymore and when I do I never say anything nice because she calls me every swear word in the book. She is threatening to kick me out which would jeopardize my entire future. I don't have anywhere to go, I don't have a job because I am at home cleaning and taking care of my younger siblings, and working on my school work because I'm trying to make honour roll. As much as I want to leave, I can't without throwing everything away. I don't have many friends to go to and even if I could, their parents would probably say no and my siblings would be left to fend for themselves. My father is a hard working man and has multiple jobs providing for our family, he can't do what needs to be done at home. If I left everything would fall apart. Can I really be kicked out since I'm 18?
And BTW, you can't be thrown out unless your father is complicit, IMO he needs to man up and protect his children.
It’s going to be “ugly”. It already is ugly, isn’t it? And it will get worse until your mother totally implodes and does something more awful than she already has. There is no “nice and clean” way to handle this. You and your father need to make up your minds, put your heads down and bull it through until your Mom is where she needs to be and the kids, including you, are safe.
You need help. You need to get the authorities involved. Although you have the best intentions, you cannot handle this alone.
Take the steps now to get help for your family. If that means having to contact CPS or APS, then do it. 20 years from now, what will you regret most - having suffered through a little embarassment, a little gossip and come out on the other side of it as a free, healthy adult with all of your life ahead of you - or having not done anything and continued to live in that situation, suffering the abuse and knowing your younger siblings and your dad are suffering too?
If your dad won't take steps to make the change, then you need to.
Having your abusive, alcoholic, addicted mother out of your lives so you can move on in peace - and *possibly* having her become a healthy, whole person so that *maybe* you can have a decent relationship down the road, and you, Dad and sibs all get to live in relative peace in the meantime
- OR -
Staying and living in misery until your mother physically harms someone - the police, APS and CPS get involved - the younger sibs get taken away and put in foster care because Dad stood by and did nothing to prevent the situation or to fix it?
You and Dad have a choice to make here. If he won't make it, you need to. I know it's hard. But someone has to be the "adult" here, and if your Dad won't do it, then you need to.
I bet you a dollar to donuts that your dad's dad had never really gotten sober. That's why he continued to resent dad.
I am around recovery almost daily. The people who are sober and in recovery (12 step program) always look at the bad ending of their active addiction as a blessing! She will not hate you. And believe me, she does NOT hate you now.
You represent everything she is not. You ARE everything she can not be. She feel like a piece of crap. She thinks she is dirt. Whatever we have on the inside, is what we spew out. And sadly it's her family who gets it.
She's also feeling very judged by you and Dad. That's also why she's so mean.
She has a disease that will kill her. But first it will drag you all threw hell with her until she dies.
I pray your dad is really going to call for help. His kids need to feel they matter, that they are important and most of all loved. By dad getting her out of the house, the kids will feel they are so important that dad would even get rid of mom for them. I'm not saying he will or should abandon her, but do something that stops this torment.
The cycle will not be broken unless the family gets help, now. Addiction is a family disease. Everyone will need some sort of treatment. There is Al Anon, Al Teen, family and individual therapy for this situation.
The cycle is not broken yet. Your dad married exactly what he grew up with. I will guarantee, one or more of you kids will become addicts and/or marry one. Marrying an abuser is just as likely.
Do you want your little sister to hook up with some monster, just to get out of the house? How would you feel then, when she comes to you after being gang raped? All because she chose a druggie boyfriend with out of control junkie friends, cause she didn't have enough self esteem to think she deserved better. Or your brother killed in a car crash at 18 because he was drinking and driving.
If you were feeling pressured by us, on this site, and just said dad's getting help, think about the kids. Step up and do something. Your mom is choosing to continue like this. The kids however, don't have a choice!
Yes Spinkles, this "WILL" get ugly,very ugly. But not for your mom....for the rest of the kids.
Everyone's protecting mom, no one's protecting the kids.
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