I understand I could become a felon through abandonment (senior abuse/abandonment (FL law)).
This applies to leaving a person at the ER. Moving, and leaving the person to move on their own. Etc.
She is a free agent. I have no rights over her. But I become the criminal.
Well, *technically*, yes, if the circumstances were extreme and depending on your mother's mental condition, a prosecution case could be made to charge you with neglect or abandonment, which are forms of abuse. But actually that isn't the point and isn't really worth much time in debate. It isn't anybody's goal. It's a paper tiger, put up to deter you from acting rashly or in haste, and there's no real need for it because you don't want to act rashly or in haste or against your mother's best interests anyway, tigers or no tigers.
The goal that matters is: adequate support for your mother. You say she's a free agent, but given that you're posting under Alzheimer's & Dementia - is she a free agent? Is she capable of making decisions and acting on them for herself?
I understand why you feel, and I agree, that you "have no rights over her." You can't bodily move her into a Medicaid place in a facility, even if you can find one, and you can't make money from thin air to pay for one and even if you could you still couldn't pick her up kicking and screaming and carry her there. You must feel powerless and trapped.
Does she have a social worker? Have you been in touch with any actual people about her Medicaid application?
Free agent? Yes. She has a medical condition that is effecting this whole situation, which for her may at times be frustrating, scary, a feeling on not knowing or understanding, angry and everything else I could list here. However, she has had a lifetime message she has pounded in my ears - you will never have a POA or have that kind of control over me. I heard this message first as a teenager.
So with no control over any of this...I cannot change this place, this circumstance, this life I have because my doing something to help her move away and somewhere else or the ER or whatever...I am the criminal.
AND, I wouldn't want a POA. I've heard horror stories of people's problems with HAVING to take responsibility for the person, for the persons financial obligations, and other things. I would like to be able to take a step and not feel the weight I've had for my life - from my "mother".
Oh, I went as a walk-in to the doctor about a week and a half ago now...my whole body was shaking, after what I'll just call another one of her relentless "events". My ears were pounding. I was in the midst of having a heart attack. They put me in a room, attached the EKG, took my blood pressure and began trying to get my heart fluttering down. Gave me 2 new scripts (nothing like this before mind you). So NOW...I also have a heart condition.
I was to go home, do nothing for 2 to 3 weeks. Rest. She would not let me be. Still won't...like that phone call to wake me up. Just to wake me so she could tell me...nothing.
Bring in a third person as a witness, any way you can.
A friend overnight.
Her friend overnight.
A relative to visit for a week.
Do less and less for her, just the basics.
As you plan your escape.
See a cardiologist to document and recommend your needs.
You are also a free agent. Any solution for you may not be amenable to your Mom's care. Any solution for her may not be amenable to your care.
Call 911 when she is screaming. Your neighbors will be accusing you of neglect. You are damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
Who would there be if you were hospitalized with a heart attack, or a breakdown? Look to aunts, uncles, cousins if any. imo.
Does she qualify for hospice? It may be good to have another set of eyes on the situation.
I knew someone who went through this caring for their Mom.
Talking this out with someone, daily, may help you.
You do not have to take my advice.
https://nelf.org/search/custom.asp?id=5427
In your shoes, I would call the local Area Agency on Aging and get your mother a needs assessment and Case Management services.
A social worker can help set up the care your mother needs.
elf.org
I thought, hm, how interesting. :)
An elf.
Care to share more details?
I understand your need and desire to get out of this situation. But getting your mother the care she needs might make living with her bearable enough in the short term so it doesn't destroy your mental and physical health.
As I said in my other post, please call your local AAA; start there to get some advice on what her needs are.
Title XLVI
CRIMES
Chapter 825
ABUSE, NEGLECT, AND EXPLOITATION OF ELDERLY PERSONS AND DISABLED ADULTS
Since no attorney wants to consult, I had to try and research things for my self.
I already can't continue caring for her. I can't lift her walker into the back of my car. But I do have to listen to her scream that she doesn't get to get out of the house. (she does by the way, get out...goes to the grocery store, the mall, see family, the beach...).
" leave your Mom at home without setting up any caregivers, that’s also abandoning, cruel, illegal" Yeah. This I know. But who is going to pay for outside help? [I have a caregiver contract with her. I don't get paid]
If you're worried about the criminality of your decision to leave, consult with a criminal attorney. They will be able to explain the ins and outs of the statute you quoted further down the thread. They should be able to explain what YOUR rights would be under this statute, and how to *legally* extricate yourself from this situation.
Good luck!