My 61 year old husband has dementia due to a head injury he sustained about 10 years ago. Our youngest daughter and I have been caring for him in our home (I work full time and she’s a full time student), but his behavior has gotten very difficult to manage. In October he got an infection, declined drastically, and after 10 days in the hospital, went to the nursing facility for rehab. He’s since been discharged from rehab and I plan to keep him there for long term care. He’s gotten better physically and can now feed himself and walk, but his mind did not recover. He thinks he’s at our home there, and is only oriented to person, not place or time. His behavior is often combative and aggressive, and he’s difficult to manage. The nursing facility has been trying to discharge him since he got there. I agreed for them to make referrals to other facilities in our town, but no one will accept him. I requested a psychiatric evaluation, and they just started adjusting his meds this week (after 4 weeks of this). They want us to come and sit with him and watch him. He goes into other resident’s rooms, and gets agitated when redirected. I’m afraid they will evict him. I am no longer able to care for him at home, but I am worried about what they plan to do. Does anyone have any experience with this? If no other local facilities will take him, how can they kick him out? This is incredibly stressful, as anyone who has cared for a loved one with dementia knows. I’m only 55, and can’t believe this is my life! Thanks for any ideas you might have.
Does the NH have a Memory Care unit?
I don't think they can unsafely discharge him, i.e. send him home.
Your poor husband! He can't help his behavior. His brain is broken. The poor facility! They must protect their staff and other residents from potential violence. And poor you! It is terrible enough to have to have your loved one in a facility, but this situation is a nightmare. Hugs to you.
My mother had a tough time adjusting to nh at first, especially at night. She wasn't combative but her hollering was disturbing other residents. I slept in her room for a couple of weeks and was able to reassure her each time she woke up wondering where she was and panicking. After I stopped visiting on the night shift, when she woke up she would ask where were her daughters and she would be told, "They are all sleeping. That is what they want you to do." After this rough transition Mom settled in well and was content there. But at the beginning the nh was talking about moving her to the memory care floor.
I know your situation is different. I'm just wondering if having family with him for a while, and waiting for the meds to take effect might help him through the beginning period.
(I know that sometimes the advice is for family not to visit until the new resident has a chance to adjust to his new environment. But one size does not fit all, and for some just the opposite can be true.)
See All Answers