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Yesterday was a particularly crazy day! I was trying to cook, make a snack for my father, take care of my sick dog, doing laundry etc and all of a sudden, I felt light headed, the Ketchup bottle falls from my hand. Than I try to fix a light bulb, that falls out of my hand. I started to have some sort of a panic attack...I started to feel guilty that I was not strong enough...I felt like this is it, I do not deserve anything else. O, I have to mention that I have been looking for work since 2010. I sleep less and less, and am unable to 'enjoy' myself when I meet up with my new girlfriend.... :(

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I have been caring for my 101-year-old dad for 17 years now. (That's not a typo. He's been living with us since he was 84.) I am his sole caregiver. I have just started getting help at home for three days a week, 2 hours a day. I have two teenage children (my dad was in his 50s when I was born so I'm kind of young to have such an old dad). My once strong faith has waned to a mere flicker. The only thing that helps me at this moment is to take a vigorous walk every day before my dad gets up. I walk about 3 miles, in under an hour. It's the only time of day I have exclusively to myself, and I love it. In the winter months I use a SAD light every morning for about 30 minutes too. It's hard to pack all this into the morning hours but I think of it as medicine: I'd take my pills religiously every day if I had to, so if these strategies are like "pills" for me, I'd better do them. Exercise helps us to release stress and it generates endorphins, which helps us to calm down and elevate our mood. Even with my dad being 101, I cannot see the end of this tunnel. But I take a walk every day anyway. Winters are terrible because I can't always get out for a walk. This may not go on forever, but after 17 years it sure feels like it. Just keep on keepin on. The biggest challenge is to remain hopeful . . . .
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When I started having severe dizzy spells and sky-high blood pressure soon after taking on the care of my 94-year-old aunt, who has vascular dementia, I panicked. Especially the day I tried to stand up, and fell down instead. Massages helped, but temporarily. That's when I made some major changes. One is I take total care of myself - not just because my aunt has no one else but me to depend on, but because one day she will be gone and I will be left with nothing but all these physical problems. So I do zumba, general exercise, walk my dogs, yoga, pray. But most importantly, I choose my battles with her. She doesn't want to bathe? Ok, I got wet washcloths. Wants to wear the same clothes for a week? Fine. Doesn't want to go to day care? No speeches about how she needs it, or I need to be someplace. I lie and tell her she's going to bingo (sometimes it's true). It's a tough job, what we do. People who don't know what it's like say oh, you're a saint. We're saints with wings missing a few feathers and who can't remember where we left our halos. Try not to sweat it. What you're doing is huge.
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You are so lucky to have the support of your sister! You were alone for a bit while she was away and just got overloaded. My two sisters not only hate and criticize me, but they rarely even visit my father. If I ask for a simple thing, which is almost never, I am met with a resounding "No I can't". I am doing ALL of it on my own. I am also disabled, and in constant pain. There have been times when I actually feel so sick that I've convinced myself I have a disease or something! Stress can really do a number on you. Take time for yourself, and do NOT feel guilty for doing so. If you aren't well there's no way you can do this unbearable job. Talk and laugh with your sister, and know how lucky you are to not be alone. Even dad has turned on me many times making it a tousand times worse. I have learned to put my blinders on, and my earplugs in. All I can do is the best I can do. I am now taking a lot more time for myself, and not holding myself to an unreasonable high quality of life. If I don't feel like cleaning some days, I don't! If I don't feel like cooking, I'll heat a can of soup; it won't kill him. Giving myself permission to live my life along with caring for him has freed me a lot. Luckily he does not have any dementia, and is able to get around. I know how to tell the times he is really bad, and I am always there at those times. I've been at this for 4 yrs now all lone, and am absolutely EXHAUSTED! I never knew a person could be this tired. I also get very depressed, and extremely lonely a lot. That goes with the territory unfortunately. I have no husband, children or boyfriend. Thank God for my wonderful friends because my family has completely screwed me. You will feel very rewarded when it's over. My therapist always says "You need to remember that this is not forever", something I forget!!!! It seems like it will never end, but it will. There are times I just want him to go and be out of his world of pain. He is 82, and very sick with total kidney failure (dialysis 3x a week), congestive heart and vascular disease and arrhythmia. He could go at any time. When I see him sleeping on his bed my heart just breaks, and I fear losing him. Then, there are those days that I just want it over. Torn, and guilty but it's normal and we're all feeling the same way. Be proud of yourself for being there for them. You are an angel, and do not forget it! Hang in there, we're all here together. LOVE and LIGHT!
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I try and remember that I am the one doing this, and I do my best, so whatever happens, it's okay. Your best doesn't have to be someone else's idea of best, or what you've read in books or seen on tv. If you are in the middle of it, and everyone makes it to the end of the day safely, you have done your best for that day. Maybe tomorrow you'll do it differently, and that will be the best you can do for that day. I'm pretty sure when the heroes break down, drop things, and cry, that's when the tv show goes to a commercial. I'm being light hearted, but truly sending you hugs and support.
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My mother is now in a wonderful nursing home. It is a family run faith based home. It is so unique and I am so grateful.I could not even handle having my mom in assisted living. She recently had a couple of falls and now has dementia. She is peaceful where she is. There is nothing wrong with having your parent in an excellent facility. I can feel myself coming out of the pit of dispair and depression I was in trying to take care of her needs and she really needs more care than I or asst. living can give her. She has many health issues and is in a wheel chair now.I see her as much as I can and she has many compassionate people around her. In fact, when I go to this home,the residents tell me how long they have been there and how much they love being there!
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Hi All~ I had my mother with me for almost four years. (Alzheimer's) We lost her in 2009. And I want to acknowledge all of you for the wonderful job you are doing. Caregiving is a difficult job and usually you do not get much credit for all your selfless giving and love....but You really need to take care of you, too! This I know is dfficult because there just never seems to be enough hours in the day. A couple of things that helped me was...I started an herb garden right outside the kitchen window and involved my mother, meditated and prayed a lot, I journaled my experience and wrote a book about it. These are all things that are pretty easy to do. What are you interests?...perhaps you will want to consider spending those precious free moments doing something that makes your own heart sing...that energizes you and gives you hope for your own future. There is a life after caregiving!! But when we are going through it is hard see your future. God bless you and I wish you all the very best!!!

Learn to meditate and you will sleep like a baby....I promise!!!
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Dear Notlike mom, your post was a very good one. There are many days when I can't wait to get into bed at night and say to myself, thank goodness this day is over, but we got through it, and that's enough for the moment.
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I have been down this road for a year now. Trying to "do it all". I found going outside taking a deep breath and just talking to God or "whoever" whether it be praying, begging, crying or just venting for a few minutes calmed me and put me back on track. My mom who I had been caregiving for the last 2.5 years was "my life". She passed yesterday of the effects of Alzheirmers at home with me in her own bed. I can say now (which I could not see during the storm) that it was so worth the effort. I am at peace that I gave her the best care I could and she did not have to leave in a stark hospital room with tubes and machines and strangers. She (and I) did it OUR WAY as Frank Sinatra would say.
I pray you take care of your self (and don't just yes everyone and not do it). I know where you are coming from. I am now trying to rebuild my tank of energy which was running on fumes. Stay strong!
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Ohhhhh..... I really feel for you Lily. You are such an angel for doing this. Do your children help you? I hope so. You have an excellent attitude about it all, and are taking care of yourself. Brava! I've been doing it for 4 years, and cannot even imagine 17! I promise you will be greatly rewarded for this. Karma is a funny old thing, and your sacrifice will bring you something wonderful! Keep the faith, and keep walking!! XOXO
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I wish I had the support of a sister. I pay somebody to watch my parent while I'm at work. I had a job interview and Dad had a docs appointment. I rescheduled his ENT appointment since sister couldn't take dad to the docs because her cat had surgery that week.
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