They are left in their room, Mom most days will not get out of bed, Dad sits and watches TV. Some days they don't get out of bed at all. Have gone in and their meal trays are pushed against the wall not touched at 2:30 in the afternoon.The room always smell of urine etc. I would like to know what I can do. I have been shut out because I have questioned some of my brother's decisions so now I'm not told anything. Found out be accident that dad had been in the hospital with an urinary track infection.
Your brother has POA, but that doesn't kick in until/unless your parents aren't able to make their own decisions. You didn't mention their cognitive abilities. Do either of them have dementia or other mental problems? Were they sick the day they didn't touch their lunch trays? How about mobility? Could they easily go to the dining room if they wanted to?
It is really unfortunate that you and your brother can't work together toward solutions for your parents. It would be great if the two of you could sit down with the DON or a social worker at the NH and brainstorm about what your parents need.
What you can do is limited by the fact that your brother has POA. But you can visit, you can send them cheery cards, you can tell them you're coming at lunch time tomorrow and keep them company while they eat, you can play gin rummy with your mother, you can continue to be a loving daughter. It sounds like they might be depressed. A cute greeting card isn't going to cure that, but it is good medicine to know that somebody is thinking of them and cares. Going out to lunch or even just to the NH dining room, walking around the premises, being encouraged to do things they've done together in the past, all would be helpful.
If it is at all possible to patch things up with your brother, that would be a help to your parents.
Even once your parents are in a care home, you have a role. Take them out for meals. Take them to church. Take them to the Elks meeting. Take them Christmas shopping. You are just off the hook for 3 meals, showering, administering medications and supervision at midnight. It can be a good decision for a family IF you all STAY INVOLVED. We visited my Grandmother and my father everyday, at random times. We were supportive of the staff. But it sure was a relief to be able to just grab the kids and go for a movie without worrying over who would get grandma dinner and watch all night.
Your brother in deciding your family can afford a care home for both your parents has done what few POA brothers do--- he has said "We CAN afford this". Now the question is what is the best placement and what are the best EXTRA things we can do to make it pleasant for everyone.
I used to pick up my grandma and take her out to swim at the YMCA. She loved it. My friend picks up her dad every week for his Rotary meeting and for church and out to lunch. Because they are seen by their friends , their friends are more up to date and more likely to stop by the home to play a little cards.