We seem to be heading slowly downhill in the sleep department. DH levels off for a few nights at a time. His days are better then too, but it doesn’t last for long. I’m not sure if the excess daytime sleep is causing him to be more disoriented and confused or the confusion is causing the excess daytime sleep.
I do know that on the days I can’t get him out of bed and he finally gets up on his own, usually early afternoon, it’s like another tablespoon of brain matter has evaporated while he slept and he is more befuddled than ever.
He is usually up 3 or 4 times a night to use the bathroom and I have been doing my best to keep him awake during the day and also to limit liquid intake after 4:00 so he doesn’t wake up already wet.
I continue to go in his room around 8:00 am, open the shades, prop open his door and announce the time. I stick around until I get some kind of response, often a not very cheerful one. Then remind him it’s breakfast time and go about my day.He is finally in getting breakfast now and it’s after 2:00.
I’m already far beyond being angry about it like I was at first when I thought he was just be obstinate, but I really don’t know if it would be healthier to let him keep his own schedule. It’s often difficult for me to schedule doctor appointments or get any business done. Advice?
It also can be a sign that the end of his life is drawing nearer as well. My late husband slept about 16 hours per day the last year or so of his life and about 20 hours per day the last few months.
And perhaps instead of trying to keep your husband awake to work around your appointments or any business you have to attend to, you may want to consider hiring an aide to come sit with him while he sleeps or does whatever, so you can get things taken care of and not have to worry about him.
You can even have some friends or volunteers from your church come sit with him while you're out and about.
And it also may be time to bring hospice on board so you don't have to worry about anymore doctors appointments for your husband, as they will have their own doctors/PA's that will come to your house if needed.
Take advantage of him sleeping and get things done around your home that need to be done before your focus has to be on him.
I was all ready to go with a day-care if I could find one but that won’t work either if he sleeps all day. Oh well. Nobody promised me a rose garden!
You have probably said but how long has your hubby had dementia?
Every night he wants to negotiate a wake-up time which is usually earlier than I know will work, but I go with the time he has chosen.
Funky is probably right that I should let him sleep and figure out a way to get a decent night’s sleep for myself. It helps that he has been quieter in the middle of the night lately, although he does still get dressed, make his bed and go back to sleep on top. Not a huge problem anymore since we’ve switched to 24/7 pull-ups.
I did learn the hard way not to insist even though I am following his direction from the night before. So I may not have a choice anyway.
As far as daytime, I guess I would keep a bit of a diary. I would try to work it so that I allow an a.m. and an afternoon nap. They "say" that sleep for a 20 minute nap will rest and refreshen us whereas going into a deeper sleep of 45 minutes to an hour makes us groggy. Whether true of not I cannot say.
Whether there is dementia or not, the norm is to sleep more easily and more often with aging for most of us.
I guess I would try to work a schedule where we get up, are a bit active, have a rest and lunch and a walk and another rest. Cut the fluids after 6 p m and bedtime at 8-10 somewhere.
Assess how it goes for a week.
Then try just releasing three sheets to the wind and let him do it his way.
Assess after a week again which works best.
I think overall you are looking at the future I always mention where there are a few shifts of several caregivers each for our loved ones who can no longer regulate and manage sleep patterns at all, because it isn't tenable or fair to us to live this way (and with worse coming).
I am so sorry you're going through this.
That is, until a day when her Memory Care makes her stay awake in the Community Room. She sits with the other people (kinda crabby about it) and looks in the direction of the tv.
So, for her, there is no rhyme or reason.
I'm not sure which is "healthier" - awake or asleep.
Maybe one is more healthy for you? If one or the other helps you keep your sanity, I'd go with that one, and try to make it happen.
How does your mom fit in food and drink, meds and hygiene, bedding changes?
A lot of my concern is getting all those things done at home if our schedules only overlap between 2 and 10.
Yesterday we had out of town guests coming before noon. If I had had a choice I would have asked them to come for dinner instead but they were on a tight travel schedule. I had to almost scoop DH up and into the shower to get him ready in time. He was very happy to see them but he wasn't able to completely engage and he actually drifted off as we sat visiting after lunch. I don’t know why I had expected him to rally like he did the last time we had people over. I guess it was more a hope than an expectation.
This morning I found him sleeping on the bottom corner of his bed as the rest of the bed was damp and cold. I guess it’s time to find him some more absorbent nightwear even though he still gets up and uses the bathroom several times at night.
I know this is tiny in the big scheme of dementia but it feels like a crossed milestone. I’m getting worried about getting him to his upcoming cardiology and neuro-psyche evaluation and even more worried about what they’re going to find. Thank you all for your support.
Keep trying to find happiness in the little things you do. You are amazing at that, and vent anytime,
You have had a hard road, that just keeps getting harder. When hubby is sleeping, take rest, eat journal, take care of you!
Keep the Faith over more positive images you can conjure up and Believe that to become Truth.
My spouse had some "accidents" previously, not so much recently. HE would clean Himself up . He, himself, would manage prevention-over medications , planning on wearing a diaper in challenging situations. He is in a phase of recovery now , while still going to appts., -(X-Rays , Check Ups, & Treatments )., while still needing care over what he can no longer do.
Of course-we are fortunate , not having Dementia . I know it's like night and day. I believe, however, that how I managed ourselves Now may also take us fairly nicely down the road in a fairly good direction.
My husband also likes to sleep late , or at least rest in bed & favors his activities for afternoons. A majority of his appts, are Afternoon appts.. We don't follow a schedule like working people do , or in Institutions. Basically-I can use the rest too and become more capable of meeting our everyday needs , but also including some really fun outdoor activities for ourselves that we enjoy .
I don;t know How you manage still entertaining people what with all you are doing 24/7. In order to prevent finally end up actually resenting your guests, you may have to figure out reasonable alternatives as to opposing schedules , and when you are most active over being good hosts . You were right-Dinner time IS a much better time to have guests over. Try not to blame your husband, over falling asleep -even we both can get drowsy after a nice lunch & staying awake around 2p,m.. , and my husband, especially longs for a nap.
It seems your husband may also be losing track of time, especially following being Up all Night long. Forget "Schedules", which only allow for struggles between you.
The best you can do , is schedule appts. for after he's been up again a few hours and you may be able to see that he's dressed, and out the door. YOU know your lifestyle now, better than anyone. Think about all the alternatives-could your guests have dropped in on a return trip instead , more towards evening? Could you have just let him go on sleeping and entertain them out on a patio ? Perhaps it wouldn't hurt anybody to see at least a little bit as to what your lives are really like.
Guests may become more cooperative., even helpful. (If THEY offer to bring lunch -Grab It ! -Grab every chance you get over getting some help.)