My Mother in Law has dementia and I am the daily care giver. She wears pull ups but I always know when she has to go #2. Sometimes we sit in the bathroom for half hour waiting for her to go. Trying to avoid her going in a Depends. It's hard to explain to her how to go to the bathroom when she doesn't know or understand what I'm saying. Am I expecting too much? She has had dementia 4 years. It has worsened quite a bit. Advice?
If you always know when she needs a BM and need to take her to the bathroom, her brain probably has a disconnect. She feels the need to go but doesn't have the connection left to head for the toilet and do her business. I'm not sure if there's anything you can really do to help with that. Maybe someone else on the forum will have some ideas. There are fiber additives or foods you could use to get a more reliable timing on her needs.
Like you, I tried to avoid #2 Depends cleanups, but there were times those couldn't be avoided and after the first few dozen or so, even those became routine, certainly so after the first few hundred.
Kudos to you for being your mother-in-law's primary caregiver. I hope your husband and all other family members fully appreciate and support your efforts while providing you with a lot of time off and are actively planning for the future when you are likely to become exhausted. Best wishes.
Just thinking about things that might trigger the body to respond when the brain isn't.