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I don't understand why you feel she needs a Chaplain. I can see if she was Catholic, last rights and all but Protestants aren't usually that way. Maybe if its "her"minister but she may feel she and Christ have a personal relationship and she doesnn't need a go between.
Chaplains can be of any religion but deal with all Denominations.
If she is happy and feels she is at peace with God her way then why does she need to see the chaplain - sounds like this is something you want not that she wants or needs.
No. It is not your business to go against her wishes She has the right to decide what she wants, who are YOU to decide what she wants and doesn’t want She says what she wants, no chaplain go with her decision
Yes my Aunt is a Reverend but ....in her past she was almost a recluse my aunt never barely reached out to any of the family although I went to visit and called often ,I also wrote numerous letters she never really reached out back to us so I did not know her at this time in her life,I always felt a connection but My Aunt. But she was and is a VERY VERY PRIVATE PERSON she told her friends that I have met that she had NO FAMILY ...she even went so far as to hide all our family pictures in case someone were to visit her.So I am conflicted and did not know any answer .SORRY FOR ALL THE EXCLAMATION POINTS .I am so scared to make wrong choices since it is for another persons life I THANK GOD FOR ALL OF YOU! AND YOUR WISDOM and ADVICE! I really feel a bit better I think I may go to another church and ask for somebody to visit her just to visit not for anything like last rights but it would be nice for her to have more company anyhow I think that would be okay? I just don't know...THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND THE HUGS THE PRAYERS EVERYTHING THANK YOU THANK GOD FOR THIS SITE
You are imposing your wishes on her - please don't, let her choose who she sees. Were I to be her I would be very upset and distressed that someone else thought I should do as they wanted.
If she does NOT want to see the chaplain, then you should not force this upon her. Why would you ask to send for the chaplain when she has expressed her desire NOT to have one?
Your Aunt might not (1) share your belief system or (2) feel no need for the chaplain. Both of those are her choices.
I learned as a child, that in an emergency....case of imminent death, anyone can perform the rite of baptism. Your LO has been baptized. God knows their heart & soul vs their disease. Trust that and be at peace
If she doesn’t want it, I’d let it go. It’s not really going to change her situation as far as her health is concerned. Maybe you could see the chaplain separately and pray for her? You are honoring her wishes.
If she is still able to express her wishes, I would just ask her if there is anyone she would like to talk from her old church or any church. Let her decide what she wants and then do your best to accommodate. If she is at the point where she can no longer express herself, let it be.
Lorraine: you don't sound dumb at all. We understand your point now. Sounds to me like you needed some comfort for yourself in that you did the right thing for her during a difficult time. Be good to yourself. *hug*
I do not think you should go against her wishes. People have a right to practice religion or not to, and that is an individual choice. It is part of Freedom of Religion. They have a right to believe what they want even if you disagree or even if what they believe is illogical to others. Even if the person is a family member.
There are subtle differences between churches and denominations that someone trained as clergy would understand.
...and some differences are NOT very subtle. It's possible this hospice chaplain is of a religious group that is very different from that of the aunt, and she recognizes this.
Not sure why sub comments under responses aren't available here so I'm just commenting generally but more in response to your last elaboration on the big picture Lorraine12; as a reverend herself she obviously has a very personal relationship with her faith and feels secure in that. I think your instinct about her lack of connection or affinity to the Hospice Chaplin is probably right on point and good for her for not tainting her own peace with her beliefs by putting up with someone she didn't feel connected to in that way, the simplest way to protect her bond with faith in this case is to refuse to see this person. If I were in your position I think I would ask her if there is anyone she would like to see, offer to contact someone for her and if she doesn't ask for a Reverend or faith based representative leave it be. Your attentiveness to this part of her life and desire to understand what might be helpful given your own life experience with faith is so special and so tremendously loving that there is no question in my mind that your aunt feels surrounded by love and that is all connected to her sense of faith. "Last rights" is not a part of every faith and often a persons need to see a priest, Chaplin, pastor just before they pass has more to do with their need to reconnect or feel connected and sometimes "unload" but it sounds to me as though your aunt feels right with her faith and feels her spirit connected to her God she doesn't need someone's help with that and what a perfect place to be, she sounds at peace with her passing. You should take great solace in that and be happy basking in her energy right now and your connection, love, with her. It's a very special thing, both your concern and awareness and her seeming peace, your family is very fortunate.
Sweetie, you have done the best you can. Don't let any comments said upset you. You have offered. She declined and has probably talked to God in her own way. I suggest that you do as she asked And find peace in that you have done the best that you can.
Lorraine dear, honestly no one is attacking you , just asking why you are asking this.... so calm down with the explanation marks. We are naturally curious why you asked since it was obvious she didn’t want to see one. Now you’ve explained the situation it makes more sense. What was striking to me as my dad's dementia developed and his natural cynicism and pessimism became worse, he claimed he didn’t believe anymore. Ok fine...whatever he thought was his to think. Once I brought communion to him on a Sunday (not Eucharist) and he didn’t even understand or know what communion was anymore. Surprised me since his past memories are the strong ones. So I said ok. I just let him be. i would ask her if there is someone from her past she wants to talk to. Even though she is a reverend, her thoughts on death and God don’t always need to be discussed with a person of "the cloth" so to speak. She may be fine with what she knows and feels in her relationship with God.
You could ask her if she's like to see someone of her faith - can you contact people from her old community to see if there is anyone affiliated with her church that may live in your area?
She is a reverend herself but lives thousand miles away from any churches she was involved with ....before she got Alzheimer's she also taught in a religious college, also thousand miles away ....so you see I just thought maybe at this time of decline a nice chaplin would give her some comfort she was immediately turned off by the hospice Chaplin...so maybe I worded my 1st comment wrong I think she may like a chaplin visiting but not that one in particular
That’s different then. Maybe it is just that one. Find one if you like and tell them about your aunt. See if you think they will gel with her. In other words, check them out first for her. Hugs!
Wow that's a tough one. For me I wouldn't go against her wishes, She's comfortable with herself to walk with god on her own. May god bless you and your family at this time.
My FIL declined a 'chaplain' assigned to the hospital over and over. He was a member of a church with a very organized hierarchy, and the people 'in charge' visited him regularly and it really probably didn't occur to him that's who they were. (He was by no means active in the faith)
He passed quietly and with no drama in the hospital. DH, BIL, SIL and I were all there. We had a few quiet private moments with him after his passing, DH gave a short prayer and we were done. Dad always fell bad he never got to visit Spain, so before he died, I whispered in his ear "dad, ask whomever comes to get you to see if you can take a quick 'flyover' Spain".
We were all at peace. If your aunt does not want any religious fuss made, respect that. She might be mighty surprised to see what lies on the other side of this door we call Earth. I think we all will be,
Pray for yourself for strength and courage. God makes all things right.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Chaplains can be of any religion but deal with all Denominations.
She, of all people, knows what she wants to do to prepare to meet her maker.
If she is happy and feels she is at peace with God her way then why does she need to see the chaplain - sounds like this is something you want not that she wants or needs.
She has the right to decide what she wants, who are YOU to decide what she wants and doesn’t want
She says what she wants, no chaplain go with her decision
Your Aunt might not (1) share your belief system or (2) feel no need for the chaplain. Both of those are her choices.
Maybe you could see the chaplain separately and pray for her? You are honoring her wishes.
There are subtle differences between churches and denominations that someone trained as clergy would understand.
What was striking to me as my dad's dementia developed and his natural cynicism and pessimism became worse, he claimed he didn’t believe anymore. Ok fine...whatever he thought was his to think. Once I brought communion to him on a Sunday (not Eucharist) and he didn’t even understand or know what communion was anymore. Surprised me since his past memories are the strong ones. So I said ok. I just let him be.
i would ask her if there is someone from her past she wants to talk to. Even though she is a reverend, her thoughts on death and God don’t always need to be discussed with a person of "the cloth" so to speak. She may be fine with what she knows and feels in her relationship with God.
He passed quietly and with no drama in the hospital. DH, BIL, SIL and I were all there. We had a few quiet private moments with him after his passing, DH gave a short prayer and we were done. Dad always fell bad he never got to visit Spain, so before he died, I whispered in his ear "dad, ask whomever comes to get you to see if you can take a quick 'flyover' Spain".
We were all at peace. If your aunt does not want any religious fuss made, respect that. She might be mighty surprised to see what lies on the other side of this door we call Earth. I think we all will be,
Pray for yourself for strength and courage. God makes all things right.