My cousin, her daughter, wants a graveside service, but has no money to pay for
it. I am in the midst of paying for my daughter's wedding by monthly payments. I do not have the money. My Aunt is the nursing home. My cousin can come down
from Colorado with a friend, but expects me to pay for the funeral. I also have another daughter in college and a 10 year old son. I am not made of money, and there is no money left in my budget. On top of the that her plot is 205 miles away from the funeral home that is in my town. The funeral director said we could manage a funeral and transportation for about $6000. everything included which is not bad, but I don't have the money...period. My cousin said she declared bankruptcy so she cannot borrow the money. I can't afford to take out a loan. My cousin wants me to send her all her jewelry. I don't think it is worth much, but my husband said to sell it to help with the cost of the funeral.
We have paid about $1675.00 out of our pocket to help my aunt. Even if I sold everything we have stored in our garage of her's it might add up to $500.00.
I am so overwhelmed. I just paid for my mother's funeral and other costs in December. Her funeral alone was $5298.00 Of course, my father, who is in credit card debt up to her nose didn't have the money.
I just want to sit here and cry. I don't have the money....what do I do now?
What part of this doesn't your cousin understand?
By the way, did she help you pay for your mother's funeral? Just curious.
The kindest thing you can do for your cousin is to convey this to her as soon as possible, in terms she can understand. You do not owe her any explanations as to why you can't/won't do this. Just be sure she understands that you are not going to do it. The sooner she knows, the more time she has to work out an answer.
Ask her if she'd prefer to pay to have her mother's things shipped to her, or if she would like to pick them up the next time she is in town.
You have had a very stressful time over the last few months. Your mother died. Now your aunt is dying. Please allow yourself the pleasure of focusing on the expansion of your family by a new son-in-law. This funeral is not your responsibility in any way.
her in a nursing home so she wouldn't be homeless. I guess I just feel bad, and without your advice probably would have tried to find a way. But taking a step back
and looking at what is going on...well I will do the best I can, but that may be cremation. Thank you all for your advice. I do appreciate it. I already checked and cremation down here would be about 795.00 to 1395.00. I could get that amount together and drive the 4 hours to sprinkle the ashes next to her husband.
Just to do a c.y.a. on this, I'd suggest that you send either an email or registered letter to your cousin with the details of what you & your darling hubby are willing to do and state that other than that, THERE IS NOTHING ELSE YOU WILL DO. If she wants to do the full burial routine, that is fine, but she will bear 100% of all costs. If you find you are just too nice to write this to her, then ask your DH to do it as you.
About auntie's stuff, I'd go to a Fed Ex KInko's office and get a bunch of the Fed Ex boxes & packaging (well as many as you can get without looking too obvious).
Nothing like getting nice, new boxes for free. Then ZipLoc jewelry, photos, whatever and place in the boxes and seal them. Send another note (email or registered) that everything is ready to be shipped and if she will just send you the filled out with payment info done Fed EX forms, you will send them to her.
If she does, terrific and you call Fed Ex to come to your house for pickup. But if she doesn't, well everything is boxed nice and together and easy to find 3 years from now when she finally does show up at 10:15 PM on a rainy night.
Thank you all!!Hugs to all for your advice.
I did not want this type of responsibility because I have a son who is mildly autistic, and my two older daughters who are in their twenties. I was also trying to take care of my Mother who was on hospice. We helped her to get into a retirement community, but she went through her money like there it was water. I thought I was doing the right thing to help her, but I guess you never know. I tried to get my
cousin to get her in a nursing home up in Colorado so that they could be together, but my cousin said she wouldn't be able to see her. So I don't know...everybody seems to turn to me for some reason. The social worker said I need to put the word "NO" into my vocabulary. I think she is right. Thanks to you all.