My husband and I are currently living with her, for going on 7 years as her 24/7 caregiver. She has so much stuff, and we have some things here and we are over crowded. She is on a waiting list for a nursing home. Just need to start moving some of her things at a slow pace. What is the easiest and fairest way to do all this?
The other antiques, guns, furniture and such went onto a list that was sent to each of us. We numbered from 1 to 27 what we would want most. The lawyer went from oldest to youngest working down the list. The rest of the knick knacks and what not were all set out in a room. We got together and starting again with the oldest, chose one by one until it was all spoken for. Then we traded amongst ourselves too. It was smooth and easy, with lots of memories remembered and shared stories. Grandad was a smart one. I miss him still.
This week my sig other is finally going through moving boxes he brought with him almost 15 years ago when he had moved in. He was surprised what were in the boxes. Thankfully he has donated or trashed 95% of the things. His two children are in their 40's and have no interest in family heirlooms. And I need to have a family meeting with my cats :P
If anyone has boxes in the basement, attic, garage, or outside storage shed, please note that mice are pretty clever about getting into those boxes. For the first time I saw and held a mice nest, and was so amazed at how wonderfully soft it was, and perfectly round shape. The mouse used packing paper, old photos, cotton stuffing, and whatever they could find. Boxes were sprinkled with bird seed hulls. Thus, some of the items in those packing boxes were damaged. Best to store things in locked-top plastic bins.
Plus I need to have a family meeting with our cats :P
Being executor of your mother's will has no legal effect until she is dead. Your right to do it depends on whether you are POA and whether she is still legally competent to make her own decisions.
More facts, please!
If fairness is important then the simplest way to ensure that is to sell everything, cash is easiest to disperse. Of course she may use up every penny for her own care so there will be nothing left over to worry about any way. If there are special heirlooms that should stay in the family my great aunt used a lottery system to divvy them up.
Do you have POA for money and health?
Who owns the house? It appears from you post that you and your husband moved in with you Mum 7 years ago. If it is her house, then no you cannot dispose of her belongings without her permission in order to make room for your own things.
If Mum is in agreement to start clearing things out it will have to be at her pace. I am faced with this with my Dad. He hoards, not to the extent of the TV shows, but there is far too much stuff, old food, old newspapers, a couple thousand books, etc in his home. He tends to hoard durable food, but buys far more than he can ever eat. I find food that is over a decade old, rancid, infested etc.
Last June, he allowed me to clear out one kitchen cabinet. He sat at the table and watched me as I went through it shelf by shelf. There is pantry that is full of old food that needs to be gone through, but he is not willing to let me clear it out yet.
So my suggestion if Mum is willing to work at this is to sit her comfortably and involve her in the process. Have boxes and bags for donations. I know with Dad he finds it easier to let go if the things are being donated (not the old food).
2 years ago when I was helping Dad, I used clear garbage bags. He did not trust me to not throw out things he 'needed' and the clear trash bag reassured him. That year he let me take down old curtains that where shredded and a tripping hazard.
Please do not ask her to get rid of something then replace it with something of yours in her home. That could make her feel you are erasing her from her home.
When it came time to clean out the mounds of stuff that didn't get claimed that way, it was a mix of my mom's my GM, my GA, my GGM stuff, my brothers, my husband and son all spent a few weekends at the house with my mom organizing and tossing which made it easier for her in many ways. We had talked about having my DH and my SIL (brothers wife) go through one of the really sentimental stuff because we had such an attachment and would keep more than was practical, we trusted them to not toss things they weren't sure about but my mom actually got much better at throwing stuff out once we all got going together.
As for the auction - my grandmother's things were sold at an estate auction with the idea that we could bid on what we wanted but unfortunately those of us just starting out in life did not have the cash to buy anything but trinkets - still feeling a little bitter about that. I think it would be good the have people get items that they really would like, keeping an eye to making sure everybody gets at least one item they find meaningful and of reasonably equal value.
At this stage, by the way, your being executor is neither here nor there. It gives you no special status until after your mother has passed away, so it is important to be clear that you are handling her property with her permission, at least her tacit permission.
My thinking is to have the ten of us list two or three things that are sentimental and label them with our names. Then move on to her brother and sister, if they are still living, and have them do the same. Then sort through what is left and come back around and ask who might be interested. Then donate or junk. Mother has a lot of "stuff", so it feels overwhelming.
Meanwhile, I have been trying to organize and store things to make this easier when the time comes.
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