As 24/7 caregiver to my 96-year-old mother and my 75-year-old husband, I am looking for reasonably priced respite care.
My mother is 96yo and in reasonably good health. However, she has lost most of her sight, and uses a walker most of the time when we leave our home. She is still pretty sharp though her short-term memory is getting worse.
My husband is 75yo and in reasonably good health especially considering he had a massive stroke 7 years ago. He was improving the first couple of years after the stroke, so we went ahead and moved almost 300 miles from my brother and our friends (We don't have children.) to the house we had purchased nearly 20 years earlier with the plans to retire to it. In recent years he had regressed. The stroke severely damaged his eyesight, (He has had several strabismus surgeries and lid surgeries.), affected his balance, and his right hand and arm. He (and my mother) can mostly take care of themselves (eating, bathing, dressing, etc.) but I take care of their medicine, do all the shopping and cooking, and the driving. My husband goes to the gym with me 2 to 3 times a week, and is currently getting PT to help with his balance and walking. His short-term memory is also getting bad and he gets confused sometimes about simple things.
Until almost a year ago, my mother stayed every third month with my brother and her DIL, so my husband and I had 4 months each year to ourselves and to visit with friends, and travel. Then at the end of Mar. 2023, when she was about to go to my brother's house for April, she had a minor stroke which she quickly totally recovered from after 4 days in the hospital. (She and my husband are both on blood thinners now.) My brother decided (and I agreed at the time) that she could no longer stay with them as they both still work and he didn't think she should be alone all day. He also was not comfortable having someone come in to stay with her while they were at work.
I really feel that now is the time for my husband and me to have some freedom before he possibly gets worse. I have tried all local AL facilities, but none offer respite care. Yesterday, I talked to an organization that offers short-term care in the home, but with their rates, we'd be paying almost $2,000 for 72 hours and I had hoped for more than 3 days as well as that amount would cost more than our trip.
I love my mother so much and also my husband (We've been married 51 years). I feel guilty that my mother knows that she is in the way though I constantly reassure her that she's not. I just feel trapped, and feel that I should be doing more for my husband (and my mother, too).
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