I am 24/7 in mother's tiny 2/2 house in a 55 and over community. My own empty home with 4 bedrooms and a pool sits empty 30 mins away. Asked my brother to come visit with his mother so I could get a break and change of scenery ( I am working on long range plans)... he told me I can just go in the other room ( guest bedroom with a hi- riser bed and her beanie baby collection) and close the door any time I need a break..that I could still hear mom call if she needs to go to the bathroom !!!
Anyone else have an absurd sibling comment to share ???
You just have to laugh laugh at their stupidity. My daughter was my dad’s world(he passed in January or this year with her and myself by his side) he would have done anything for her. My opinion it was his life and he was determined to do whatever he wanted to do. If he wanted to pay half for my daughters class ring that was his choice. My daughter had his initials placed on the inside of her ring as well.
One sibling told told me I was using him and I should be ashamed of myself. I took care of him, he lived with me. One of his other children never showed up and the other 7 came to see him maybe once.
Her "sisters" could still make an effort and call , visit or ..even send a letter or a card..that would mean a lot more... then this "say hi for me" BS.
Another pet peeve of mine... I just got a text from one of my Mom's in town sisters to "say Hi for them" to my mom (with dementia).. that does my mom no good at all.... what is the purpose of this gesture? One more thing for me to do for them.. and they can put out zero effort.
(this is really just a rant post)
Wow... I don't have any children.. but if I did no way would I want them to be in a similar situation as i have been (or many on this board).. I wouldn't wish this on anyone... not even an enemy.. much less someone I love. I told her how very hard caregiving would be on a child.. and i cant imagine that is even a reason for having more children.
(I have heard others say this as well).. sheesh..
And, there was one particular occasion where I'd inadvertently left out part of the story as I was relaying it to a family member and... WELL... the wrath and embarrassment I endured for my omission was so over the top. It was a detail that unless someone was going to HELP me provide care, it was basically irrelevant & I wasn't trying to hide any juicy information. But the audience expects certain things I guess.
thats annoying just like ill pray for you if you dedperately need help and support.
i got the "keep me posted" every time..which basically is just something else for me to do..afte a while i caught on and did not keep anyone "posted" if they werent here ... and they werent...ever.
It was one of my favorites during my divorce.
"I pray your brakes go out goin' down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a windowsill
and knocks you in the head like I'd like to....
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true....
Wherever you are honey, I pray for you...."
LOL
imply my mental health was the real problem. Of course they finally listened when people went to jail, when there were formal complaints filed, when attorneys got involved. Basically they listened when it got ugly, but until that time it was...."I'll pray for you." Nice :/
"I'll pray for you".
Now let me clarify that: it was not annoying or grating because they said they'd pray for me. I'm not an atheist or anything. I welcomed the prayers. If it had been said in parting after a day where they came and helped clean house, cook meals, gave me a breather so I could get away for a bit, or took Mom out for a ride or just spent time with her so I could take a break - sure, I'd be thrilled to hear, "I'll pray for you." But that's not how it went.
What I NEEDED was HELP. Prayers - great, fine - pray for me - but HELP ME care for OUR mother. Not just MY mother - she was their mother too. There were no stepchildren or half-children in our family - we were all immediate blood relatives. I received no financial help, physical help, or assistance with respite so I could take a vacation. I had to HIRE (and pay for) help for that, and worried the whole time that I was away for 4 days, so it wasn't much of a vacation.
I can count on one hand the number of times that any of my siblings stepped up to the plate to do anything for Mom that was of any help to me:
1 ride where they took Mom out of the house for a couple of hours so I could repaint the living room. (Not exactly respite for me - more for Mom's safety)
1 doctor's appointment when I had to work and couldn't get away (which was not a good idea, because the sibling didn't know how to answer the doc's questions and called me 5 times for answers - so I should have just gone myself)
1 day trip with Mom where a sibling came along (and ended up cleaning up Mom's BM mess - I *did* feel bad about that)
1 time when a sibling took Mom to see a parade because I had to work.
Not a dime of financial help - ever.
Those were the 4 times when I had "help" during 3.5 years of caregiving. So if I seem a little bitter about the "I'll pray for you" thing - I hope you understand. I believe in God and have faith - but using that statement about praying for me to brush off responsibilities doesn't set well with me.
crying out loud. Several months later, after I'd heard all the ugly gossip being circulated,
I set the record straight: no, he did not just have a pacemaker op, no we were not lounging around on vacation.
After all the back breaking labor of moving him out of his home, downsizing his hoarded stuff, taking care of sick child, dealing with rehab, several serious hospital errors, a couple of 48 hour days where I almost collapsed, hurt my back transferring him when no one came to help, yadda yadda. Whelp that's when they sent me sickeningly sweet offers to help. Gag me. People like this should just jet off and start their own space colony!!
The same family member said to me" "I can't help you, but just look at all the ideas and insight I've given you."
IDEAS and INSIGHT? More like criticism and complaints - the majority of which were made via lengthy emails which were both cumbersome and confusing to read. Took longer to figure them out than it would have taken to comply with the demands the messages contained.
Family member left a message for them to call ME. Wow, I hope that wasn't too much trouble to do. Needless to say, in the amount of time that had elapsed, I could have done it myself. Calling and leaving a message is a far cry from what I'd asked to be done. I'd rather have been told NO from the beginning rather than thinking some real helping was going on.
as we left graveside while her casket was still above ground, and my cousin called
to rant about her inheritance!!! $10,000 split four ways. What the serious.....??
I told her we're all tired, why don't you call back later today or tomorrow and she
began cursing and calling me names. Unreal :(
One of them blamed me for his death.
Ummm... who decided it was MY role?????? I don't recall being given an option.
'I confirm that I am unable to offer any cover'
'When I have said I can't do something I don't need to say why!'
last days without caring to connect. Especially after your mom gave of herself so much.
It seems as if people think that caregiving mainly involves occasional trip to doctor and
watching TV and eating bonbons. I don't know how they have that impression, maybe
so they can live with themselves for not pitching in.
Don't let anyone pressure you one way or another. Caregiver's syndrome is real. It can
take awhile to bounce back from exhaustion.
Praying that the passing of time will ease your sorrow and surround you with comforting memories.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.....” 2 Corinthians 1:3-7