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Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I'm just going to explain my situation maybe will help
My brother is POA, so I have no power. He will not admit that moms health and mind are failing. He has some major health issues of his own, along with 2 jobs and some of his own travel.
I was trying to pick up the slack, but I have no power to do anything. So I'm just waiting till he is not around and mom has a major issue and I can take her to ER, and I can say unsafe discharge. And if my brother brings her home then I'm going to wash my hands of them all.
It's hard , so hard leaving mom alone, and waiting for a catastrophe.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
What I tell myself every day is , I didn't cause this. This is not my fault. She has a house to pay for AL, this is there problem I didn't make it. There is a way out but everyone refuses to take it.
I just do the best I can do and spend time with mom but try to leave there problem with them.
I probably already mentioned this but what happened with momma is that she fell again in her house and suffered two hemotamos. Went into rehab and then assisted living. The doctor said that she needed 24 hr care but I am blamed and have been paying for it ever since. Been five years now. I have tried to explain the reasons why she could not stay at home. Financial and other. She does not want to believe me. Does not understand. Whatever. I have explained to my siblings all of the reasons and they are the same as momma.
You havent given a lot of details. We know that you are POA, and that your parent has dementia.
One thing to keep in mind that is a very good point that I learned on the Forum: while there are things you cannot force or make happen as POA, you have power in being able to say NO to things that you cannot do, are not willing to do, and/or feel is ridiculous to do. Also look at your POA contract as far as what it says for you to do. But as others have said, this can be done most smoothly if she gets admitted to a hospital, then you could say she just cannot be managed at home. The hospital discharge planners and social workers can then make things happen
You mention that you have been designated main caregiver. If your parent is at home and has dementia, I'm guessing, but you are probably helping out a lot to make it all work in the house. So, no wonder she doesnt want to leave. What you could do, in a safe manner, is withdraw the amount of help you are giving, without becoming a safety risk. Tell her you just cannot support increasing needs at home, and its not feasible. Let her see a bit how things would be without help. She if she can do laundry by herself, clean the house etc etc. That could help change the decision on her part.
As for possible actions you COULD take? ITs true you cannot literally take her to AL kicking and screaming. Since she has dementia, can you get a doctor to write out a latter that she needs 24/7 supervision? Then you could say that its not feasible to provide that at home. IF your parent / family still dont agree to go to AL, you could even call APS and tell them your parent is unsafe at home, that the doctor has said she needs 24/7 supervision, and that you and family cannot provide that. It may get unpleasant, but APS can then push things through if they deem it an unsafe environment...
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My brother is POA, so I have no power. He will not admit that moms health and mind are failing. He has some major health issues of his own, along with 2 jobs and some of his own travel.
I was trying to pick up the slack, but I have no power to do anything.
So I'm just waiting till he is not around and mom has a major issue and I can take her to ER, and I can say unsafe discharge. And if my brother brings her home then I'm going to wash my hands of them all.
It's hard , so hard leaving mom alone, and waiting for a catastrophe.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
What I tell myself every day is , I didn't cause this. This is not my fault. She has a house to pay for AL, this is there problem I didn't make it. There is a way out but everyone refuses to take it.
I just do the best I can do and spend time with mom but try to leave there problem with them.
Best of luck to you
Your view (& possibly other family members) is Assisted Living is required.
Maybe you see an unsafe living situation, many risks, falls or lack of hygiene?
Yet your parent doesn't agree.
Maybe says Oh I'll manage, yet cannot plan or problem solve? Pleasant but vague.
Or maybe hostile, refuses all help & tells you to butt out? A new (or long standing) stubborn streak.
Has anything been diagnosed that would effect thinking/cognition?
At home or was it in rehab?
One thing to keep in mind that is a very good point that I learned on the Forum: while there are things you cannot force or make happen as POA, you have power in being able to say NO to things that you cannot do, are not willing to do, and/or feel is ridiculous to do. Also look at your POA contract as far as what it says for you to do.
But as others have said, this can be done most smoothly if she gets admitted to a hospital, then you could say she just cannot be managed at home. The hospital discharge planners and social workers can then make things happen
You mention that you have been designated main caregiver. If your parent is at home and has dementia, I'm guessing, but you are probably helping out a lot to make it all work in the house. So, no wonder she doesnt want to leave. What you could do, in a safe manner, is withdraw the amount of help you are giving, without becoming a safety risk. Tell her you just cannot support increasing needs at home, and its not feasible. Let her see a bit how things would be without help. She if she can do laundry by herself, clean the house etc etc. That could help change the decision on her part.
As for possible actions you COULD take? ITs true you cannot literally take her to AL kicking and screaming. Since she has dementia, can you get a doctor to write out a latter that she needs 24/7 supervision? Then you could say that its not feasible to provide that at home. IF your parent / family still dont agree to go to AL, you could even call APS and tell them your parent is unsafe at home, that the doctor has said she needs 24/7 supervision, and that you and family cannot provide that. It may get unpleasant, but APS can then push things through if they deem it an unsafe environment...