I feel a tremendous guilt about my mom going on Ativan. I told her to talk to her doctor about something for her anxiety because I believed she was having a mental health crisis. She kept going night after night without sleep and was suffering so much from panic attacks she told me she didn’t want live anymore. Nothing else was working. It kept going on for months and getting worse. Now I am being blamed for her condition by my older brother as if I am responsible for her healthcare. I simply told my mom to do what her doctor says because I do not want to give medical advice.
My brother’s war against Ativan came from a Facebook group called “Beating Benzos.” I am sure the Facebook group is not reliable because it selects for people who want to post there benzo drama on Facebook. You’re not going to get a balanced perspective because no one is going to log in a to benzo withdrawal group to tell everyone how benzos may have saved their life or improved their quality of life; You will just be bombarded with horror stories.
hH offered no other solution to mom’s distress, just became an anti benzo fanatic.
You and your brother need to stop playing doctor.
If your mom feels like she needs medical intervention, let her get it
Sorry but, someone with mental health issues themselves should not be intervening in anyone's mental health care. You will get poor results from any doctor by playing the games you guys have.
Is your mom still out of her head from the medication game?
I hate the outdated ideas about psychiatric meds. That they make you a zombie, they’re just meant to dope you into a stupor, that people who take them are just too weak to face their problems. This attitude keeps people from getting the help they need.
BS. All of it! In my case, meds saved my life. Depression and anxiety are in both sides of my family. My brain chemistry caused it, and I need meds to do what my brain cannot. Just like a diabetic needs insulin to live because their body can’t make the insulin they need. You would never fault a diabetic for needing insulin, but society still dismisses the need for psychiatric meds.
I will admit that psych meds can be trial and error. Maybe X dose was too sedating, maybe dose Y wasn’t enough, but dose Z is just right.
Tell him there are specialty Travel Agents on Facebook who can book him an all inclusive Guilt Trip anywhere, but your house!
Some of this is genuinely difficult. I take far more codeine than the opponents tolerate, and both I and my doctor know why it’s a good idea. My DH takes far more aspirin, similar story. My DH has real trouble with 25year-old pharmacists who want to interrogate him, blah blah blah until he loses his temper. I do most of the pharmacist visits because I cope better. My advice is to get him to the ‘head honcho’ and let the doctor sort him out.
People believing Facebook over doctors is how we got thousands of gullible/stupid people taking horse deworming medicine to cure/prevent Covid.
Listen to the doctor.
It all depends on circumstances. In an elderly patient who has severe agitation/panic, I can't see any reason not to try them and take them long term if there are no bad side effects like falling/dizziness. If your brother is completely against them, tell him to research other medications that can help your mom's panic -- because she needs something to help calm her and help her sleep regularly. There are some other types of meds that you could consider, in my humble non-expert opinion. Hydroxyzine, or possibly gabapentin/lamotrigine/anti-seizure meds. Seroquel/anti-psychotics have worked well for other elderly patients. All taken in conjunction with SSRIs, depending on the patient. Ask your mom's doctor about other options, if only for your own education in case a future doctor wants to change meds.
I'm definitely not giving expert advice, so take it with all the salt. :-)
I think understanding why your bro is concerned, and also why it could be overall beneficial for your mom to take them, will help you navigate your guilt. Long-term use would depend on how old your mom is and other health factors, and if you foresee a time where she may need to transition off of them. Withdrawing from benzos is very difficult, hence the support groups.
This is a bit of a "scare" article, but I think the points are valid. There are some things to consider when taking this kind of medication. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/16/health/elderly-drugs-addiction.html
If your mother is in your care, it is your responsibility to make the best informed choice available to you. Sometimes it works out, and other times it wont. You cannot simply say “I’m not giving medical advice” because frankly, that’s a cop out. It’s a way to claim no responsibility to whatever might happen. Except, looking after your mother is your responsibility. If your brother has a problem with a certain drug, then he should attend the doctor’s visits and voice his concerns to the physician so all his questions can be answered. But it looks like he isn’t claiming that responsibility either.
Put your squabbles aside, and just try and make the most informed decisions you can. Together.
For elders (age 60-65 and up is elderly, according to the physiology of aging) regular use of benzodiazepines does have elder specific risks - of falls (especially if not fully awake when getting up to bathroom, etc), increased risk of confusion/mental disturbances, excessive drowsiness (makes it easier to choke on food or drink if someone is coaxed to swallow), etc.
Benzos are similar to alcohol in the body - so a person may need a higher dose of time, to get the same effect. And a person who is taking benzos may need medical oversight to taper off of them. Do not stop them abruptly. Seizures can result.
There are other medications that can be more effective for long term use, such a trazodone, a mild dose of SSRI, mirtazapine, escitalopram, etc. I agree that she suffers greatly when she is so upset and cannot calm down. If her primary MD is not familiar with them, a neurologist might be more helpful, or a gerontologist. MDs often dont have a breadth of knowledge about specific geriatric issues/treatments. They do, however, know way more than FaceBook and Dr Google.
Brother may have his own issues related to benzos. Or feels guilty he has not been visiting and caring for mom, and is now 'showing his love' by blaming you for the fact that she is old and demented.
Hang in there, it's a hard job.
If a doctor prescribed it, how on earth are you responsible?
Stop owning his blame game. Your mom has Alzheimer/dementia, what exactly does he expect to happen?
I would direct him to do some research on her diagnosis and get educated on the journey, because it only gets worse from here and anything to help her have some peace should be used.
Read all of the posts by this poster to understand my change of opinion. Both need to bugger off and let the doctors manager her meds in a facility.
I have been on a benzo for 20 years. I am neither embarrassed nor ashamed of it. I have a limit for every month, I cannot have more. My DH was VERY judgy about this until he began experiencing anxiety attacks. We went to the ER about 6 times with what he thought was a heart attack and it was always a panic attack. For a short period of time he did have his own scrip for a benzo and he worked through the issues. When he DID have a heart attack---well, needless to say, the benzo didn't help.
And for the record: Nobody's obit read that 'Abigail Jones was drug free when she died, not addicted to morphine & ativan.' Good grief--have some compassion. If I live until 80 (not likely) I do hope to be on a bare minimum of drugs, but hey, life isn't playing fair with me.
LeaLonnie is spot on. Nobody cares if a elder is 'addicted' to pain meds or whatever they need to live comfortably.
My mother is 95 next month with advanced dementia and was Sundowning something fierce every day. Miserably angry and screaming curse words at me for no good reason when I called her. I asked her doctor to prescribe low dose Ativan and she did, once a day at dinnertime, and mom has calmed down tremendously, thank God. Drug addiction and withdrawal are the LEAST of anyone's concerns at this stage of the game. Comfort and freedom from debilitating anxiety is the only goal.
Ask your brother if perhaps he'd like to take over his mother's care and anxiety management personally? Then you can send HIM on an unnecessary guilt trip based on some sub Reddit you joined which gave you free advice on holistic ways to deal with elders and dementia. Maybe then he'll understand just how STUPID his whole rant was in the first place!
Everyone's a medical expert until they actually have to deal with a loved one who's in distress.
No doctors like benzos for elders. No doctors like benzos for ANYONE, and they have the side effects they have.
Many of us because of mental needs, dementia, anxiety disorders, need medications to help us through. It is never a simple or easy decision to turn to medication. They all have side effects. The side effects are worse and more dangerous as we age. I would simply tell your brother that you understand his concerns and his concerns are valid, but that being between the devil and the deep blue means just that. It means there is no longer a good or easy answer.
My mom was on Klonopin from the age of 88 until her death as age 94. She was also on two anti-depressants, Remeron and Lexapro. They helped her remain calm, happy and not agitated after a stroke.
I would ignore your brother's rants and block him if necessary.
He seems to be looking for someone to blame for your mom's decline and you are closest to hand. I hope he comes to his senses.