Follow
Share

My mother married 5 times, collected a fortune from them, as they are all passed away, I had to raise my brother because, she never wanted us around her husband's. Needless to say, my brother overdosed at the age of 36. Now, my mom wants me back in her life and come see her every day, she is always mad at me and I'm scared if her. She believes people live in a attic that are trying to steal her money, and has accused us of stealing anything she misplaced. I do not go into her apartment, because if she moves anything, then i stold it ..I'm trying..I'm going to therapy, but after all these years, it's hard to spend time with her. I feel guilty...anyone have ideas?

Find Care & Housing
Annie, first of all, don't get back into her life, trust me it never goes well. You left your mom for a reason, and those reasons are still there x100, now that it sounds like there is cognitive decline going on.

It sounds like your mom has plenty of money to take care of herself. She can hire a caregiver to be her company, if that's what she needs

You need to do what's best for you! And I don't see you going back into this situation is best for you at all.

I regret every day getting back involved with my family, after spending very limited time with them for 15 years. So I know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't make my mistakes!!

So sorry about the loss of your brother and everything you're going through .
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Anxietynacy
Report

Your Mom chose not to care for you. Her jen were more important. Stay away if you get involved it will be a living hell. Sounds like there is some Dementia going on or mental illness. If she is not caring for herself, call Adult Protection services and report a vulnerable adult. You don't need to tell them who you are. If its found Mom needs 24/7 care, the State can step in.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Annie, Annie, Annie...I will once again say it on this forum, that any child that was abused in any way from a parent, SHOULD NEVER be part of any care for them and in your case should probably not even be a part of their life.
Your mother obviously has some form of dementia, but that is not your problem.
You need to just report her to APS and let them open a file on her, and if need be the state can take over her care when the time comes.
You have been damaged enough by this woman who gave you birth(she honestly doesn't deserve the title of mother)and you don't deserve to be damaged any more.
So PLEASE for God's sake, step as far away as possible, and start looking out for yourself and your mental health. You deserve so much better!
The woman who birthed you made her bed and now she gets to lie in it.
Carma's a b**ch isn't it?
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

You don’t owe Mom any visits .
She owes you for raising her son.
You’ve done more than enough already .
She is now a needy elderly trying to set you up to be her caregiver.

Don’t succumb to the …..she’s my mother and she’s old guilt .
You can call APS to check on Mom.

You need to take care of you . It’s up to you whether or not you want to be involved in making sure she gets care . She has the money to pay for it . It sounds like she needs 24 hour supervision in a facility . Do not live with Mom or take Mom in your home .
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

So sorry about your Brother.
Please don't sacrifice yourself to your horrible Mom another day.

She has the money to pay for her healthcare. It's not your fault she got old with Alzheimers. It will never be easy to be around such an abuser. You owe her NOTHING.

You obviously have a kind heart. Don't feel guilty. You did what was right in your life, not your Mom.
Don't answer her calls, go visit or feel sorry for her. She was not a true Mother to you. Try hard to keep her out of your mind, she doesn't deserve to be there. Find things you love to do instead, and go do them.
Do this for your Brother, I bet he would tell you to avoid your Mom too.
Do kind things for good people. Make that your mission in life. Your Brother will watch over you from above,
DO NOT LIVE WITH MOM or TAKE HER INTO YOUR HOME.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Dawn88
Report

Report your mother’s living situation to your local Adult Protective Services as she’s likely unsafe living on her own. You’re not in a position to be her caregiver, nor should you be. Protect yourself and guard your wellbeing
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

You feel guilty of WHAT, exactly? Did you rob a bank?
No, of course not. You didn't cause your mother's problems and you cannot fix them.
She had no problem ignoring your needs as you grew up; time to take a leaf from her own book.
Provide her with the numbers of EMS and 911. Get on with your own life.
Staying in abusive relationships is a CHOICE, and if that is your choice then you will have to accept responsibility for it.
I wish you the best of luck.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter