My parents are both still alive but live 1500 miles away. I do visit as often as I can and the caregivers/ nurses for my mom are constantly in contact if anything happens. (She was moved to the Assisted wing of the complex they were living in (Independent apt). Dad took care of her for many years. He is in independent living still in the same complex and does share meals with mom occasionally. She has dementia that has progressed past the angry disagreeable stage into a more gentle quiet place. Being around her is difficult as she is in her own world and while sometimes talkative is usually just quiet. Dad is still active with golf and cards and his also aging club buddies, most of who have passed on. He plays with all the original bones in his body 9 holes of golf every day if weather allows. His mind seems sharper then my own sometimes! His Mac D is progressing slowly thanks to regular injections and he has found it difficult to drive so is weening himself onto uber and taxis. He is well off thankfully and expenses are not a problem although he does complain about it to me. He couldn't see mom's pills and was definitely caregiver burnout and she was "wandering" off the property so we had to move her for her own safety. She seems fine- we moved her almost 1/1/2 yrs ago. She is 92 and walker trots all over the place although she hasn't figured out where their old apt (and Dad) are within the complex (Which is a good thing). So his sadness is not some big clinical depression because he misses her, but the realization that his "life" is shrinking to those things he can still do. With the Mac D we have gotten him the big reader screens, books on tape, headphones for his TV ( he also has to wear hearing aids) and set the computer screen larger so he can follow the curser, and read his emails. As an independent businessman all his life he recently sold out of everything (2017) he had built in his life so as not to leave a mess for his children, which took away alot of his daily tasks. He went down from 18 holes 2-3 times a week to 9 holes 4 times a week this year so he does love to golf! Just needs a ball spotter to tell him his ball is in the middle of the fairway! He used to go south for winters but since my mom's illness has not been able to do this. Flying alone is also more difficult for him. Does anyone have any uplifting ideas for his birthday I could do or give him?
Make him a book with a chapter for each decade that you knew him (or since he was born, if you have good sources). Put in your memories of him in that decade. First time he took you to the circus, fishing, a trip to a national park, making pizza with him ... whatever good things you remember. Perhaps a summary of big events that decade -- vaccine for polio, man to moon, etc. If possible, illustrate with pictures from that decade.
Not sure if they will help, so I will just throw them out there. :)
Local church choir to sing happy birthday and may be a couple of his favourite tunes?
OR
Local veteran band (or if he was in a service contact them) again to play Happy Birthday and a Memorial presentation?
Daddy did cry that day - only the third time ever in front of me. Apparently my determination to prove my independence in young adulthood had combined with my Dad's last defeat (when his dementia forced retirement) and conveyed to my father that I valued him less that some of my college professors or co-workers. His knowledge that I didn't even think they were in his league meant the world to him. I would spend the next decade or so telling him how I used what he taught me to accomplish my goals and he never grew tired of it; then his dementia ended all that.
I still believe the greatest gift you can give someone who has grown grandchildren and may be looking death in the eye is a testament that their life mattered, especially to the ones they loved the most.
Well, my Dad loved wine, we would drink only 4 oz a day, and he preferred the less expensive brands under $10 a bottle. So that made it easy for me, I would shop just price and find bottles of wine that Dad never tried. Thus, this made it so easy in Dad's later years buying him wine... he would say "I'll drink to that" :)
My Dad also had Mac D in one eye but it still made it tiring to read with the better eye. Dad did enjoy getting "Popular Mechanic, and "Popular Science" magazines. Not a subscription, just one of each picked up at the grocery store, that way Dad didn't feel like he had to rush to read the magazine.
So far, Yak Tracks - we live in MN and Dad still prefers to walk outside whenever possible in spite of the weather. About 3 miles a day.
Thank you to all the people who belong to this discussion group. While much of it is very depressing, I have gotten more ideas and assistance from this group than ALL of the doctors and 'specialists' for both of my aging parents. Mom has moderate dimentia... Dad is a little forgetful, but a burned out caregiver. Moving them to assisted living, that has MC apartments in the complex for when the day comes.
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