My mom is ready for assisted living but my siblings and mom are reluctant to take this step. I understand this but I don’t think my mom should be living alone. It is only a matter of time for this to become a reality.
While I start to find an AL facility I was thinking perhaps visiting nurses would work for a time. I have my doubts.
Mom (90) has terrible, painful health issues. Among other issues she has a condition called Trygeminal Neuralgia and she’s having a very painful episode. Her meds make her confused. Her days and nights are mixed up and she is taking too little or too much. She can’t eat much. Really I think we should take her to hospital.
I’m my husband’s caregiver as he recovers from a bone marrow transplant so this is a bit harder to manage now. Siblings are pitching in but I don’t understand the way they are dealing with this.
My mom is suffering which I’m sure is contributing to this decline, but her ability to continue as she has is greatly diminished.
Would visiting nurses be able to manage this? We set up a pill box but she’s not understanding it. I know AL is the best option but how do I get my siblings to agree?
TM
If you think mom should go to the hospital though then she should go. At that point you can stress to the medical staff, the Social Worker that mom can not be discharged to home. That might make it a bit more "real" for mom and siblings.
Does Mom have dementia?
It doesn't sound like she should be living alone.
If she JUST needed someone to manage her medications for a couple of weeks until her confusion (say post surgical) cleared up, the Home Health Care (what visiting nurses provide MIGHT be appropriate), but if her confusion is from dementia, that's only going to get worse.
Thanks for your responses.
If your mother right now needs as much assistance as you indicate, perhaps her doctor would send her temporarily to a skilled nursing facility while you look for assisted living for the longer term, after she recovers more. The amount of assistance she needs right now sounds like too much to try to have at home or even in an AL. BTW, I am familiar with trigeminal neuralgia, and I know how awful it can be. That that's also going on right now is another reason she needs more comprehensive care right now than she can receive at home with the amount of assistance that might reasonably be available. Please speak to her doctor, although as you probably know, he can't speak to you about her condition without her permission if you are not her health care POA.
Re your sisters, you are the one taking responsibility right now. Does any of you have health care POA? That will make a difference in who can make decisions. Your mother is fortunate to have you looking after her welfare! Hugs!
After mom's last hospitalization for double pneumonia and a collapsed lung, the visiting nurse came for "wound care". She kept asking mom to show her the wound and mom said she didn't have one. So the nurse wrote her up as "refusing care". I'm sure there are some wonderful visiting nurses out there, but our experience was not good.
Your mom needs a physician managing her care and potentially ordering home services (if you can get them to do that). But in the long run, she is going to need much more. I know how hard it is, and I wish you the best.
Unless your Mom has a lot of money, she probably could not afford an RN. My DD is one and has made an average of 90/95k a year in the last few years. If your Moms main Caregiver than the decision to place her is yours. If she is not taking her medications correctly, then an AL is a good choice. It will also give u more time with ur DH.
live with you? Sounds like your mom should benefits hospice care. And on top of that, you should find a caregiving company to have continue come out and help her or you with the medications. That is SO IMPORTANT.
I didn’t realize it, until my friend said I needed a caregiver to help meet my husband. Doing this alone is so stressful. And now you are caring for 2 people.
You may want to get a man who can help you with your husband, and also help with your mom..
think about it. More people will respond. That added layer of caregiving helped me out a lot. I didn’t know I needdd it.
caregiving burnout. It is real. You may need just a break for a bit
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