An update from Strugglinson and some learnings on moving into or within assisted living.

Hi all.

An update from me. I posted the other day on recent update, and somehow changed the title of the thread and it has disappeared.

For those who saw my last post, I was about to get my dad moved from one small room to another nice large room in the same AL facility, and oddly enough, even though he was the one who chose this new room, he started to throw up every road block and stall tactic to moving!

In a way my situation is trivial compared to some posters on the thread, and I really feel bad for some of you going through extremely tough scenarios. Mine is tough though in a psychological way, in that my dad is a narc with dementia and shifting the dynamic of our relationship has been tough.

Learning 1: any change is hard for the elderly with dementia. Sometimes even if they themselves asked for the change!

Well some good news! 1) He did relatively successfully move rooms yesterday! Myself and the AL staff pushed it through despite his delay tactics etc. To minimize any drama, I spoke with the AL management and dining room staff, we decided to delay the actual moving to lunch time, and for dining room staff to stall out the lunch over at least 2 hours, a long drawn out 4 course meal! They agreed! Team effort between myself, AL management and dining room helped to keep things smooth.

Dad will never miss lunch, so I told him to go eat, and when the movers came I would get things going. It worked - we sent him for a nice long lunch, and completed everything before he finished the meal! He was annoyed that "everything was done without him being there," but tough luck dad!

So learning point for others reading or for people looking for tips for a less disruptive move into AL: Speak with the staff and figure out a distraction for the LO on moving day to cut their anxiety. Do they like to eat? Take them right to a nice lunch while everything gets moved in. might they like a particular activity? Bingo? Live music? Time the move for that activity, send them right there, and quickly get everything moved while they are busy! The worst thing is for the elderly parent to be in their room while boxes and furniture are being shuttled around.

Others have seen my post about shopping trips, that my dad likes to get out for a day out, and he has always liked shopping. I do think it is a nice treat for him to get out to do such things. However, if I take him its torture to me, and he is overly demanding etc. when it’s me taking him, so totally detrimental to me. The AL do have some shopping trips, but usually they are early AM and he is not ready in time , or even more so, the AL says the trips are only suitable for the mobile residents and my dad is too slow/ immobile. Well I came up with a new option that gets me out of stress of shopping trips, yet still gets Dad a trip out once a week - we have hired an outside caregiver from an agency for one afternoon a week to take my dad wherever. The AL is fine with this pick up and drop off from an outside agency. If he has a doctor or dentist apt. that is not very important for me to be at, that may be where they take him. If not, he can go to a store or wherever. The agency just wants to know where he wants to go, addresses, time frame, and that it’s cleared with me. So far this is working smooth! Dad is glad to spend his money on this, and I'm fine with it too and it gets me out of being the doormat driver of dad... Once a week limit, he can do his shopping with the agency caregiver, but not with me anymore.

If he wants any more than that, he is going to have to figure out how to join in to some of the AL run trips, if allowable given his mobility.