Follow
Share

Hello everyone. Not so long ago I found this place when googled about my concerns and I find kind odd comfort from what I was reading here. I felt like I'm less alone. First, apologies for mistakes, English is not my first language. Writing from Eastern Europe. I am an only child of elderly parents. Our financial situation is not great. We have experience of war, we lost everything, were refugees, never managed to get our own home. We're renting apartment, my parents are in late 70s, with really small pension. I'm working since I was 18. Right now I'm working at job, have side job and trying to make some money from hobby. I'm helping my parents financially, I live with them so I can save money. I'm in my late 30s, feel bad because I still live with parents, I don't have my own family. I feel like I'm stuck, like I'm utter failure and I'm totally behind, but more than anything I'm afraid of what future brings, I don't have siblings and I'm in fear would I be able to take care of my parents, alone. If you have any advice, I'll be more than grateful.

You certainly are not alone! I am an only child who grew up with my single-parent Mom and her 2 older single sisters (no kids). That was my family for 20 years. Basically I had 3 Mothers and no siblings. I also have my Mother-in-law and step Father-in-law (before he passed away). Three of the elders are still alive and my husband and I oversee their care. None of them live with us. We are not financing any of their care. If we were, we'd be poor and in debt by now. And wrecked by stress.

All I can tell you is you can only do so much. That is reality. I cannot accept any culteral traditions, expectations or pressures to take care of my elders myself or pay for their care because it just robs from my own immediate family. Are your parents retired? If so, do they get a pension?

It is difficult to know what else to suggest to you since I have no idea what resources are available to you in your country other than to look towards your government if it has any social services to offer. If your country has state-funded retirement homes then your parents will need to consider this as an option.

I'm sorry for the stress this is causing you. You are wise to start searching online and finding a community of similar people... but better to find it in your own country so that you can discover what resources may be out there.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
Leonie Oct 26, 2024
Thank You so much for your answer and suggestion. I really appreciate it.
Both of my parents are retired but have really small pensions, not enough for all the costs.
(2)
Report
Leo, you are not alone. First off you are a fighter and a survivor, that right there is a huge deal. You came from a war torn country, I'm sure there is much you have already had to learn.

As far as being anxious about the future, join the club ! Your definitely not alone in that.

One thing I've learned, the future is unknown and we have to live and enjoy every minute we can , because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

I'm 60, husband is 72, not a day goes by that the nagging in back of my head wonders.

As are good friend Alvadeer said this week, after her husband had a stroke, that she lays in bed wondering what, when ? Read her post down in the discussion section when you get a chance.

We got your back Leo! Try to let go of the anxiety, practice mindfulness as much as you can and live for today, keep up the hard work.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Anxietynacy
Report
Leonie Oct 26, 2024
Your answer brings tears to my eyes. Thank You so much for Your kindness, understanding and encouragement. It helps a lot.
I'll check what Alvadeer wrote. Thank You.
(2)
Report
So sorry . What a tough situation .
It’s never easy trying to take care of parents . You’ve also already been through so much .

I agree with the others here , to find out what government , and social services resources there are for the elderly where you live . Maybe a social worker can help you to also find a support group nearby , or an online one where people know what’s available in your country .

But you can certainly keep coming back here as well for support too .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to waytomisery
Report
Leonie Oct 26, 2024
Thank You so much! I'll definitely try everything I can.
(2)
Report
Please, take advantage of anything that is provided in your country. Here, if no big health concerns, people in their 70s can get help with low income apts, food stamps and help with utilities.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Leonie Oct 26, 2024
Thank You so much.
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter