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My 78 yr old husband sleeps well at night, but he no sooner gets up when he's in the chair sleeping, sometimes even before breakfast! He often sleeps after breakfast until nearly lunch, then after lunch until almost dinner. I try to get him out to do things, but he says he's too weak. He also has Parkinson's which isn't helping. I don't know what to do to help him.

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My husband is 83 and sleeps most of the day and night. He'll get up to eat, shower, feed the cat, clean the litterbox, and occasionally watch programs in his native Polish online. He also gets up for PT sessions. The problem is that the time he usually wants to be up doing things is after midnight! I'm trying to unwind and go to bed but he wants to start "20 questions" and often pick a fight over something he believes to be true but isn't. Sometimes he'll be up every 2 hours, waking me up, talking, going into the kitchen, etc. Sometimes I don't get to start sleeping until 5 or 6 in the morning. This makes scheduling appointments difficult because I'm not "awake" until the afternoons. He does have medications, by the way, but for some reason, he tells me he "didn't sleep all night" even though he does, but he's always been a light sleeper at night.
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I was hoping to find an answer to this issue, as my fiance sleeps all day won't take his meds on time, won't eat and can't sleep at night. He has trouble walking without falling, but refuses pt. I'm so afraid he's giving up. He's a brilliant retired professor.
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My mom was is 74 and has alzheimer, I placed her in a nursing home 3 years ago n she was in and out the hospitals for UTI's, she could walk n they refuse to get her out the wheelchair and bed n never gave her water to drink, after 21 years on my job I had to give it up n bring my mom home because she was going down fast n they kept her over medicated. She has been home now for three months and doing great, she just sleep a lot in the day n talk off n on at bedtime. I don't worry about her sleeping because I know she gets her meds, three meals, snacks n plenty of fluids and i keep her clean she's not able to walk or transfer herself, I get to sleep good at night n even in the day when she's napping, I look forward to hearing her at night talk or hum it lets me know she's alright n I don't have to jump up from bed. The great grans keep her going every weekends n she is so very alert n active.
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My mom was is 74 and has alzheimer, I placed her in a nursing home 3 years ago n she was in and out the hospitals for UTI's, she could walk n they refuse to get her out the wheelchair and bed n never gave her water to drink, after 21 years on my job I had to give it up n bring my mom home because she was going down fast n they kept her over medicated. She has been home now for three months and doing great, she just sleep a lot in the day n talk off n on at bedtime. I don't worry about her sleeping because I know she gets her meds, three meals, snacks n plenty of fluids and i keep her clean she's not able to walk or transfer herself, I get to sleep good at night n even in the day when she's napping, I look forward to hearing her at night talk or hum it lets me know she's alright n I don't have to jump up from bed. The great grans keep her going every weekends n she is so very alert n active.
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I have my 84 Year old Father in my care as well as my 82 year old Mother. My father, although never diagnosed with anything as of yet, will wake up about 9:30am, and then sits in his chair and falls asleep. If he`s awake by 11am, the TV goes on, then he falls asleep. He will sleep off and on all day, not moving from his chair. More time is spent asleep than awake I assure you. He retired early, and the only problem I have with his sleeping all day is that this is what he chose to do for the past 29 years wince retiring at 55. He was lucky, and now I think he regrets not doing anything. But if you try to get him to do anything he just doesn`t want to, or, on rare occasions when we go to the hardware store or something, he is simply out of gas. My Mother has been diagnosed with FTD or Frontotemporal Disease ( Very similar to Alzheimer`s ). She was always more active, but with this disease has become withdrawn and has no interest in doing much. Her life is now sleeping and eating. She stays up from Dinner, which is at 5:30pm every day, until 11pm. Then its bed for her until dinner tomorrow. We have tried things to get them out more but I feel that it just agitates them. We must remember that just because WE feel getting them up and moving is the best thing, it isn`t always. I think if you are over 80 and you want to stay in bed......you have earned the right to stay in bed, or, in your recliner, if that is what makes you happy. The most important thing is that neither one is causing any harm by doing so.
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After my dad passed away, my mother who was in a nursing home with dementia, started losing weight quickly. The nursing home put her on 15 mg. of remeron every day to help stimulate her appetite. She soon started eating better. I brought her to live with me and all she wanted to do was sleep. Her new doctor here is working with me to get her off some of the medications that the nursing home had her on. It's been a very slow process but I am starting to see her be a little more wakeful and responsive since we have taken her off the antidepressants and reduced the dosage of some of her meds. She still wants to go to bed at 8 pm and sleep until 10 or 11 the next morning and then naps throughout the day in the recliner. She can't walk at all, so I don't have to worry about her wandering but it bothers me that she doesn't talk and is so fatigued all the time. I try to do a little PT with her to keep her strong enough to transfer from bed to her chair but it's really hard to motivate her. I am afraid that sleeping so much is causing her to lose her physical ability that she has left to help me transfer her and especially for her to be able to toilet. I don't know what the answer is. I just know that this is so hard and so draining for the patient and the caretaker. Blessings to you all for caring for your loved ones.
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my husband is 67 has dementia/alzheimers he sleeps at least 20 hrs a day he cant move he lies in bed all day in nursing home has only one hand he can just about move he cant talk properly he just lies there. when he is awake he looks so sad .he cant tell me anything I don't know what to do. I love him so much ,he had a fall when he was 46yrs old which left him with brain damage .what can I do for him we,ve been married 48yrs and with each other 52yrs x
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Matthew2414, isn't 14 hours too much for what? A normal healthy adult? Yes. But that ship sailed when Mom got dementia.

What are the other 10 hours like? Is she getting some social interaction? A little gentle exercise? Some mental stimulation? I guess I'd focus more on the time she is awake.

If she has other symptoms that make you think she might be ill -- coughing, fever, continuous hiccups, rash, etc. -- then consult her doctor. But if she seems generally well I wouldn't try to waken her before she is ready.
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My 84 year old husband has Alzheimer's. Some days he sleeps most all day. He goes through periods that he doesn't want to eat. I usually offer him juice or fruit and he will nibble on that. He is very frail and I think just being weak makes him tired. He watches tv all day or listens to it . He wants it on even if he is asleep. Night and day it's never turned off.
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If that is what her body needs, let her sleep and be grateful that her mind is quiet. Sometimes my mother sleeps 16 hours, so I just let her be. As long as she is at rest, with her body and mind are at peace, it makes for a peaceful day, which is rare for an Alzheimer's patient.
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I am caring for my mother with Alzheimer's in my home. She is now sleeping 14 hours a night.....getting up at night, maybe once. She used to drink 3 - 4 cups of coffee per day & would get up several times per night. She occasionally stayed up all night! She then slept about 10 hours per night, but now its 14 or more. (She does not nap much.) Isn't 14 hours too much? If you try to wake her up earlier she is angry & visibly tired, but relatively fine when she's had enough sleep.
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I have read so many of your stories and they all sound so familiar. I take care of my dad who is 80 and has dementia. He too would rather sleep all day. We had a home healthcare aid through the VA hospital for the past 3 weeks and I saw a huge change in my dad. Dad really liked her but she had to stop coming. She was very inappropriate verbally and morally. Dad is back to not getting up, just wants to sleep. But....while she was here, he went for walks that I could not motivate him to take and his spirit just on the first day soared and he looked forward to the walks. He stayed awake most the day and socialized. Now he has withdrawn again. They thrive on company and talking about things they enjoy. She loved to fish and even spoonbill snagged and hunted. So did my dad! Let them talk about when they were young, ask questions, show interest, make them feel their worth. My dad lives for the mail delivery. He can't mow now, he can't remember how. But he CAN get the mail and hand it out to other members of the home. They need something to make them feel useful. Have them help you with small chores like you would teach a toddler. When my son was 1 ,I would use Walmart bags for the bathroom trashes and on trash day he knew to just go in and pull the handles up and pull it out of the can and carry it to the kitchen and put in the kitchen trash. He had his own responsibility and feel of worth. It is the same with dementia patients. They need to feel worth. We are raising our loved ones now with dementia, and keeping them safe as we would our children. He had an Occupational Therapist at one point. She told me to get out an old photograph. Only 1 as to not overwhelm. Ask who is in the picture, where was it taken, when was it taken. Pull those memories out and help make them think, and build new brain cells. I have done much reading on the human brain because I have suffered many strokes myself and memory loss. I play games everyday to build and train new parts of my brain. Everyday you lose brain cells, they die. You must read (read to your loved one), or learn, be active and build new brain cells to take the place of the ones lost. If you are sleeping all the time you cannot do that. Your body, muscles, heart, and brain all become weaker, and your body is dehydrating also because you are not taking in water! Water is very important for the brain since it is made up 99% of water and your body and internal organs also need it. When your loved one is no longer with you, will you have the clear conscious to say, I did my best by them? I am going to excuse myself now, because I need to try again to wake my dad and get him to eat. I need to motivate him to sit up and socialize and bathe today for his own well being, and because I love and respect my dad very much. He has always been a clean man and had so much pride. I want him even though he may not know it now, to still be clean and well kept as much as I can.
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My above post is really in reference to the daytime sleepiness. The wandering generally happens in the evening and the sleeping happens during the day, much like a baby who has their days and nights mixed up.
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Wandering is very common. If the patient sleeps at all, for any period of time it is a blessing. Wandering is not just walking around or being a flight risk. Wandering includes just walking around the house and getting into things, like rummaging through things just to keep busy, cooking, pacing, etc. Patients need to be attended at all times because they can ultimately do things to harm themselves or others unintentionally. Medication can help to an extent but, it is very much like caring for a toddler. Outside or family help and support is needed, no one can possibly keep up with the patient and not need a break, it is tiring, especially if you are trying to maintain a job. Talk to the patient's doctor.
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My 80 year old wife has vascular dementia since 2011 and has really gone downhill fast this last year, 2014 to 2015 from really interested in life with some sleepiness to basically an invalid yet still in great physical health except for continuing mini strokes in her memory as the rest of her brain is perfect as 3d brain scans show a healthy brain...but she is fading fast if length of sleep has any correlation to time left to live because both our quality of life is terrible as I , her loving husband of 40 years cannot get 10 feet away from her as she has some six sense if I am out of the room and cries out for me to be there.

This is house arrest for a caregiver and I am at the thinking that death is better than dementia, and I am now waiting for Nature, God or "The Force" to be with her and let her pass in her sleep peacefully.

I would hate to put her in a home as she was so full of life, vivacious and smart and to see her like that ...well I am in tears as I write this..as it is worse for the elderly caregiver than the patient as our life cannot stay on hold for long either.

So any bets on Time left from signs of lots of sleep to end of life?
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My mother (who has had dementia 4 =/- yrs) has just begun to be sleepy all day and sleeps 12-14 hours at night. Is this indicative of a physical problem or the dementia advancing? In addition, her hearty appetite has diminished significantly. What, if anything to do?
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my wife 83 has copd and alzheimers she sits on bed falling al seep about all day is she in the last stage
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My husband is 80 and was diagnosed with dementia about three years ago. He has just started sleeping most of the day after sleeping all night. The doctor put him on a generic haldol because he was having outbursts. Now he just sleeps. He is in excellent health other than the dementia. Should I make him stay awake more?
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Thank you for your comments, mammielue. Your are so right...patience is the key...I am trying hard to develop more! Very, very difficult!
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My father has Alzhemiers and I just keep him comfortable... I make sure he gets up out of the bed for at least 3 hours a day...I make sure he gets up for all his meals breakfast lunch and dinner, lunch being the longest...when the sun is outside I have him sit on the porch and get fresh air...He likes to lay in bed because he is just comfortable there, he has Cataracts secondary to his diabetes and renal failure...and other issues he does know his dob..address..and phone number..and his ssn...I just keep him comfortable thats about all you can do is just keep them happy...he is in no pain and is surrounded by lots of love coming in and out of the house, he is unable to care for himself physically we do everything for him except feed him (he likes to eat) even when he has just eaten, I know its hard and I do a lot of crying but he is my dad and I don't know what else to do but just do what I am doing....Good luck to all of you I have been doing this for more that 4 years now...Its takes lots of patience
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Thank you for your comments and suggestions. I am slowly learning what is best for my husband and for me. My husband still sleeps a lot, but not as much as before. I am thankful for the time because it gives me some respite, too, but I worry that he is not getting enough exercise and will deteriorate even more. He doesn't want to even go for a walk much. He goes to PT twice a week, but he doesn't want to do that anymore either. It tires him out, but it's because the other 5 days he just sits. I really believe he would be better in every way if he would walk every day even if it were only for 15 or 20 minutes. I know I feel better now that I have started walking again. Thank you again.
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I am so glad that I sow my wild oaks in my sixth's and now in my 70's I have no need to get out to do something, I now just enjoy staying at home with my one and only. I am grateful for her companionship,for now,johnnycares
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Dear Scared,

Caregiving is an exhausting job and we are all fearful of the unknown, especially when we are observing our loved ones deteriorate. However, my advice.... BE GRATEFUL. Be grateful that you are able to care for him, that he has the love, care and support of YOU instead of deteriorating in a nursing home, that he "does" have some of his faculties and that he is ALIVE and living his last years in your comfort and care. What else could one ask for? So I say........... let him sleep ......... Sleep is healthy, or it can be his escape. No matter, it is "his" right and desire. Let him be at peace while you give him the best care you know how. Oftentimes my mom sleeps 14-16 hours per day. Why would I want to awaken her? She is at peace, her mind "quiet" and her paranoia non-existent. When she is at rest and peace, I am at peace, and it is another good day. Keep up the great work and "be grateful".
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My husband also has dementia and sleeps except to eat or if I want to do something and he is afraid I might get attacked. As soon as we return he is ready to sleep again. We also have LTI WHICH ONLY lasts for the amt of years we signed up for but not years but $ used. Read fine print as we pay for 90 days before they pay. I am also checking into Veterans Aid and Assistance most don't know about. I try not to worry about tomorrow but getting facts in case. He knows his memory is bad but thats all. I've been doing a lot of reading about dos and don'ts which help plus hearing about others in same problems. I know the Lord has promised to not leave us and will always take care of us even tho it may not be what we expect.
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Thx, deefer12. You certainly are doing all you can and I truly admire you for that. It's hard to believe that LTC insurance didn't last more than 3-1/2 yrs! We have it, too, but I guess I will have to put that off as long as possible because there is no way I could afford any help out of pocket. It will soon be a year since I worked because we moved to another state (big, big, big mistake, but I didn't know my husband was suffering from Alzheimer's...the signs were not obvious to me and NO one, not one of his doctor's said a word) and I couldn't find a job. Now I couldn't work because I can't leave my husband alone all day because he wouldn't eat or take his meds even if I call him on the phone and tell him to....he forgets a minute later...I wish there were some easy answer for all of us. I also wish I could get my husband to understand the problem, but he can't. He thinks "all is right with the world". Maybe I should try on those rose-colored glasses! :-) Thx for the comments and encouragement.
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Been scared many times! In the beginning my heart was in my throat all the time. I never knew what was going to happen next. Mom had many falls. Some were minor, but many were not! Like the night I found her on the bathroom floor with her neck resting on the edge of the stall shower. Back then she weighed more and it took me a while to figure out if she was hurt before I could move her. She had a crease mark on her neck and shoulder for a few days.
Then there was the time I heard a big bang and found her on the den floor with the TV inches from her head! Each time she appeared to be sleeping soundly, but she would get up and wander. I only had a baby monitor then and she was whisper quiet when she moved around. That was from years of raising 7 children!
Now she has a high tech wheelchair that she can't get out of or tip over no matter how hard she tries. It's a life saver for me. I also have 3 cameras so I can watch her on my laptop when I need to get things done. the one in her bedroom is infrared and I can see her clearly when she is sleeping. She no longer gets out of bed alone. Hasn't for over a year, so at least I can get some sleep at night!
She had LTC insurance and that paid for help the last 3 1/2 years, or I could not have done this for so long. We used that all up, so now I only have help on Weds. and the weekends. Daycare is from 9-3 and it's a lot of work for me to get her there, but she needs the interaction and I need the time!
As for Seroquel as mentioned in another thread, it's the only thing that helps Mom sleep and she was already late stage dementia before she started taking it. I don't recommend it for anyone just starting out and you do have to be careful. But mom is at the stage where the Seroquel is a blessing as she would not get any rest at night without it. It's better than placing her somewhere and having them use God only knows what to keep her out of trouble!
It's a long process and you should contact all your local elder agencies and see what kind of services you have in your area. Take advantage of anything you find.
AS you are learning, many of us have been and are dealing with the same issues, so feel free to vent and ask away when you are not sure.
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Deefer12: I guess I should count my blessings. They always say that if everyone put their problems in a pile on the floor, you'd end up picking yours back up because it was probably the smallest in the first place! Amen! I would just like my husband to exercise mind and body more...short walks, maybe do some crossword puzzles, read....I think it would be better for his overall health. I do sympathize with your situation, though. You are a saint....I don't know if I have the stamina, patience, strength or courage to take care of my husband as his condition continues to deteriorate. This is why I am so worried...I just don't know if I can do it. I know there is help available, but until my husband can't shower, shave, toilet, feed himself, I can't get any help. In the meantime, I watch and worry and wonder how I will cope. I know it's not about me...it's about him...but I am scared; really, really scared.
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I have the opposite problem with Mom . She is 85 and was diagnosed with Parkinsons over 12 years ago. She has been suffering from dementia for about 7 years and I have been taking care of her at home for the last 5 years. She is nonstop energy and needs 2 seroquel to sleep at night. she is in a wheelchair for the past year and a half due to bad falls because of weakness from the PD and the inability to understand what is safe and what is not. She will not nap during the day, but is in adult day health now, 4 days/week and home on Wednesdays. Some days she is exhausted when I get her home, so I put her to bed for a "rest" and she does not sleep. hands and feet and mouth going the entire time.
I had to Mom-proof the house as she will reach out and grab anything in her path as we go by! She was OCD her entire life, so it's 10 times worse now. this is the main reason i keep her home, as they would drug her to the max so that she could not get up on her own. restraints are not an option in facilities, but they do like to use chemical restraints. Mom is still happy at home, but a lot of work to lift and feed and wash and dress. she is so easily distracted, that it takes a half hour or more to even feed her.
I recently cut as much sugar out of her diet as I could as an experiment. She was getting way too many UTIs and was allover in her behavior. Without all the sugar the paid giver fed her to fatten her up, Mom's comprehension has improved to where it is noticeable by everyone who works with her. Also, since bacteria feeds on sugar, her diapers are no longer dark in color and smelly.
Scared, in a way I have to agree with the comments by those who feel lucky their loved ones sleep a lot. I have the other end of the spectrum and it sure is one hell of a ride!!
I know it's scary and you would like to spend more time with him, but be thankful he is not running away or keeping you up all night. Leanne has some great advice on the subject and maybe you should talk to his doctor about something to help keep him awake more. Good Luck!
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I am having the issue with sleeping a whole lot, (husband is) I mean. He also has esophageal tumor, I am at my wits end. He just sits and stares for a long time. Sometimes he can play cards or fold clothes..but that is about it. Glad I have somewhere to vent.
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my mom has Alzheimer and she also sleeps a lot -she gets day and night confused and often wants to go to bed at 5 in the afternoon.A couple of months ago she slept all day and night-then all of the sudden she couldn't breathe ,to make along story short-had to call 911 -found out she had congested heart failure.Fatigue was the most noticeable symptom.
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