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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Does your Mom have alzheimer's disease or dementia? Many times sleeping is an issure for folks with AD. Does she nap during the day? It is possible that she just has her days and nights mixed up. Talk with her Dr and get his best advice. I do think respite care is a great idea. If you can take her to a senior center that does care that can help both of you. Otherwise check to see if respite care is available at home from your local home care agency or check with the local Area Agency on Aging. take care....
I definitely had to get used to my mom being right beside me all day. It wasn't a terrible transition for me though but at times it can be frustrating. Now I am just used to it - at times she is even in my way when I am cooking, for example, but I just walk around her now.
I also found early on that the busier I keep her during the day, the less she will get up at night. If that doesn't work for you though, you should check into medications because I agree with several here who have said that you have to get your rest or you won't be any good as a caregiver anyway.
JollyJ got that right, the loss of freedom and sense of engulfment by another is akin only to child rearing in the first five years I imagine only with the skills fading not increasing, the needs greater and well the snappy ness only an adult looking at the end of the life and a daily loss of faculties can provide...
Luckily, my mom can afford a nice ALF, where she has been for the last 5 months. I feel a little guilty at times b/c I have the room for her but I know that she would drive me nuts b/c she is a very dependent person, w/o any intterests now, and would want me to constantly pay attention to her, include her in all activities such as going out to dinner at a friends house w/ my husband, etc. I know that some of you will think that I am selfish and uncaring, but it's not true. I found a very nice ALF less than 10 minutes from my home and only 5 minutes from my job. It allows me to visit her 3-4 days a week and I often take her out to have dinner with me or to visit w/ her great grandbabies. This solution keeps me from being irritated by mom's neediness, the ALF has activities everyday, bus trips to restaurants, etc. So, I just want to say that no one should feel guilty if they can't have a parent live with them. If mom didn't have the money for the ALF, I would have her live with me, but I am lucky that she can afford it.
I don't think anyone should feel guilty about their loved one living in an ALF or SNF. My grandma and grandpa moved into one while they were still able to have their own apartment and enjoyed the activities and social situations provided. They then were also cared for when they needed 24 hour care and in their final days in the nursing floor.
My daddy had Alzheimers and the last two years of his life, he was in a nursing home. He could no longer walk and didn't know any of us but Mom was there all day every day with him. Mom was only 69 when that happened and totally healthy so we sold the farm and she moved in with my brother. After Daddy's stay, Mom said she didn't ever want to be in a nursing home (although she loved the people there and even volunteered there doing sewing, etc.). Mom lived with my brother (the "saint"!) for 24 years before I brought her to live with me in May because she needed 24 hour care.
Going through this experience, I've now decided that if anything ever happens to my husband, I will sell my home and move into an ALF that has apartments, like my grandparents did. I don't want my children to take on the burden of my care 24x7 and I'd rather be in a place I consider my home as my aging progresses. If I make the decision like my grandparents did, then my children don't have to feel guilty. My children still remember the frequent visits to see Great Grandma and Great Grandpa and they all, kids and adults, loved the visits.
JollyJ - what a wonderful story. One essential to this is that your grandparents WANTED to move/downsize/simplify.
After dealing with "the moms", my DH & I have done what we can in advance to be in a senior setting that so that we aren't being a burden for our family.
The problem for many of us is that our parents will not accept the reality of their aging, many wrongly assume that the kids will revolve their life around their needs and then find themselves in increasingly dangerous situations in their home and about in their community but refuse to change or adapt & you can't make them until a crisis occurs & then force them to move.
I know exactly what you mean igloo572! Grandma and Grandpa did decide their fate. Daddy and Mom wanted to do the same thing in the same retirement community but Daddy never got the chance. I think part of it was that Mom didn't want to give up her freedom. She never drove and Daddy was her means of transportation. He was way into the Alzheimers when I rode with them one day. I could tell he was petrified and he got on the expressway going 25 mph! When we got home I told Mom in no uncertain terms that he could not drive any more. She argued that she could navigate but I told her that wasn't enough. Ultimately, I think her deciding not to go to the retirement community when they both had the opportunity was because she didn't want to. So many of her friends were there - I know she would have enjoyed it but she just wouldn't.
At this point, it is what it is. I'm just trying to keep her safe and as happy as possible until God is ready for her. Given that Daddy has been gone for 22 years now, I hope it is soon.
Sleep problems in the mid to later stages of dementia are common. For the care giver they are so difficult to deal with, because we really need to be on our toes to do our best. IT is difficult to do that when our sleep is interrupted all night long.
Individuals with dementia lose their sense of time- and their sleep/wake cycle for what ever reason gets off course.
I cannot tell you how important it is just to be rigid about a schedule when your family member reaches these stages of dementia. Lack of sleep results on unwanted behaviors, such as aggression, agitation, sun downing, poor appetite and general tiredness ( to name a few)
So, how do you re set that internal clock? Patience and discipline and creativity.
Before I give you some ideas, this is a time when you need to get outside help. Realistically you cannot do this task alone. So , I hope you will look into community services and outside help, for your health and well being.
Now, here are a few suggestions: It is important to encourage a good sleep environment.A warm cloth to the face and hands,some personal hygeine, if it can be done without a ruckus. Make the home a comfortable temperature, no TV, perhaps soothing music, dim lighting, and a quiet surrounding. Sometimes a bed just is not the answer anymore.A recliner or chair might be more comfortable than a bed, especially if the person has breathing difficulties. Many elderly people have numerous simultaneous health problems. Due to illness, other disease process, or personal preference, if they prefer to sleep in on the couch, they feel safe and sleeps better, don't make an issue of it. Just make sure you provide enough warm blankets etc to keep them comfortable. Avoid heavy meals within several hours of bedtime. As we all know, a full stomach interferes with restful sleep. The digestive system needs to "wind down" when the rest of the body is trying to. I believe that medications should be a last resort. Sleeping medications can help at times, but not always. There is always the possibility that they can have an opposite affect , or make matters worse by making your loved one more confused.
Of course if sleep deprivation is causing other behavioral problems, talk to your neuropsychiatrist for advice.
Psychotropic medication, if indicated, can help take the edge off undesired or destructive behaviors that occur in conjunction with sleep loss or sleep disturbance. But, as noted in a point above, use with extreme caution and be very aware of how the person acts when started on a new medication. Establish a bedtime routine. It's hard to overestimate the importance of good, established routines. Dementia patients who go to bed "whenever" are not as likely to rest well as those who have a dependable pattern. Do not forget to assess that pain may be causing the lack of sleep.try to observe for nonverbal cues to pain, such as grimacing or other similar facial expressions, holding a body part, and of course, complaints of pain. I hope some of these suggestions will help you find a way helping your loved one get a better night's sleep.
One simple thing that I did for my mom when she moved to IL was to set 2 torch-style lamps on timers. Timers that you can set for 2 on/off cycles.
They both go "ON" at 6:45 AM and stay on till 8:45 AM - so that every day starts the same with light in the same place no matter what the weather & light is like outside. By 8 there should be enough daylight that the transition is done.
Then at night it goes on at 4:30 PM and off at 8:00PM. Again another set cycle. And if the weather is dark when she comes in from an afternoon outing there is always light in the apt - so the cue is it is not time to go to bed even if it's dark.
First this was done with regular table lamps but those ended up getting off schedule as she and others would want to use the lamp to read. Torch style is great as for whatever reason NOBODY ever tries to change it. They are both IKEA's "NOT" lamps which are under $ 10 w/a 60W bulb so it's light but not a strong, bright light.
It's amazing how this can work for the earlier stages of dementia. My mom has Lewy Body dementia - so it's a bit different in that there tend to be episodes of dementia rather than an consistent downward pattern. They used to be every 4 - 6 months and now are every month or so. The brain in really amazing, isn't it!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I also found early on that the busier I keep her during the day, the less she will get up at night. If that doesn't work for you though, you should check into medications because I agree with several here who have said that you have to get your rest or you won't be any good as a caregiver anyway.
Good luck! I know it is intrusive!
So, I just want to say that no one should feel guilty if they can't have a parent live with them. If mom didn't have the money for the ALF, I would have her live with me, but I am lucky that she can afford it.
My daddy had Alzheimers and the last two years of his life, he was in a nursing home. He could no longer walk and didn't know any of us but Mom was there all day every day with him. Mom was only 69 when that happened and totally healthy so we sold the farm and she moved in with my brother. After Daddy's stay, Mom said she didn't ever want to be in a nursing home (although she loved the people there and even volunteered there doing sewing, etc.). Mom lived with my brother (the "saint"!) for 24 years before I brought her to live with me in May because she needed 24 hour care.
Going through this experience, I've now decided that if anything ever happens to my husband, I will sell my home and move into an ALF that has apartments, like my grandparents did. I don't want my children to take on the burden of my care 24x7 and I'd rather be in a place I consider my home as my aging progresses. If I make the decision like my grandparents did, then my children don't have to feel guilty. My children still remember the frequent visits to see Great Grandma and Great Grandpa and they all, kids and adults, loved the visits.
your grandparents WANTED to move/downsize/simplify.
After dealing with "the moms", my DH & I have done what we can in advance to be in a senior setting that so that we aren't being a burden for our family.
The problem for many of us is that our parents will not accept the reality of their aging, many wrongly assume that the kids will revolve their life around their needs and then find themselves in increasingly dangerous situations in their home and about in their community but refuse to change or adapt & you can't make them until a crisis occurs & then force them to move.
At this point, it is what it is. I'm just trying to keep her safe and as happy as possible until God is ready for her. Given that Daddy has been gone for 22 years now, I hope it is soon.
Individuals with dementia lose their sense of time- and their sleep/wake cycle for what ever reason gets off course.
I cannot tell you how important it is just to be rigid about a schedule when your family member reaches these stages of dementia.
Lack of sleep results on unwanted behaviors, such as aggression, agitation, sun downing, poor appetite and general tiredness ( to name a few)
So, how do you re set that internal clock? Patience and discipline and creativity.
Before I give you some ideas, this is a time when you need to get outside help. Realistically you cannot do this task alone. So , I hope you will look into community services and outside help, for your health and well being.
Now, here are a few suggestions:
It is important to encourage a good sleep environment.A warm cloth to the face and hands,some personal hygeine, if it can be done without a ruckus. Make the home a comfortable temperature, no TV, perhaps soothing music, dim lighting, and a quiet surrounding.
Sometimes a bed just is not the answer anymore.A recliner or chair might be more comfortable than a bed, especially if the person has breathing difficulties. Many elderly people have numerous simultaneous health problems. Due to illness, other disease process, or personal preference, if they prefer to sleep in on the couch, they feel safe and sleeps better, don't make an issue of it. Just make sure you provide enough warm blankets etc to keep them comfortable.
Avoid heavy meals within several hours of bedtime. As we all know, a full stomach interferes with restful sleep. The digestive system needs to "wind down" when the rest of the body is trying to.
I believe that medications should be a last resort. Sleeping medications can help at times, but not always. There is always the possibility that they can have an opposite affect , or make matters worse by making your loved one more confused.
Of course if sleep deprivation is causing other behavioral problems, talk to your neuropsychiatrist for advice.
Psychotropic medication, if indicated, can help take the edge off undesired or destructive behaviors that occur in conjunction with sleep loss or sleep disturbance. But, as noted in a point above, use with extreme caution and be very aware of how the person acts when started on a new medication.
Establish a bedtime routine. It's hard to overestimate the importance of good, established routines. Dementia patients who go to bed "whenever" are not as likely to rest well as those who have a dependable pattern.
Do not forget to assess that pain may be causing the lack of sleep.try to observe for nonverbal cues to pain, such as grimacing or other similar facial expressions, holding a body part, and of course, complaints of pain.
I hope some of these suggestions will help you find a way helping your loved one get a better night's sleep.
Diane
One simple thing that I did for my mom when she moved to IL
was to set 2 torch-style lamps on timers. Timers that you can set for 2 on/off cycles.
They both go "ON" at 6:45 AM and stay on till 8:45 AM - so that every day starts the same with light in the same place no matter what the weather & light is like outside. By 8 there should be enough daylight that the transition is done.
Then at night it goes on at 4:30 PM and off at 8:00PM. Again
another set cycle. And if the weather is dark when she comes
in from an afternoon outing there is always light in the apt -
so the cue is it is not time to go to bed even if it's dark.
First this was done with regular table lamps but those ended
up getting off schedule as she and others would want to use the lamp to read. Torch style is great as for whatever reason NOBODY ever tries to change it. They are both IKEA's "NOT" lamps which are under $ 10 w/a 60W bulb so it's light but not a strong, bright light.
It's amazing how this can work for the earlier stages of dementia. My mom has Lewy Body dementia - so it's a bit different in that there tend to be episodes of dementia rather than an consistent downward pattern. They used to be every 4 - 6 months and now are every month or so. The brain in really amazing, isn't it!
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