My mother seems to treat me and my husband mean but can change her mood when someone else comes to our home. She does this around doctors and social workers who check her. They are not getting the true picture and I am afraid she may be on the wrong medicine Can someone with dementia turn it on and off like this?
Around you, you mother probably feels "safe" to act how she feels, which is likely frightened and confused. Of course, when her dementia worsens, it will be harder for her to "act." But she wants to appear all right to these people, which just frustrates the whole business. All I can say is that you aren't alone. Try to explain to the doctor and social workers that she does this- you may need to write them a letter. It's likely they've witnessed this behavior before. Good luck. As I said, many of us have been in your situation - my mother was "just fine" whenever a medical person or an old friend showed up. As soon as they were gone, she's be exhausted and back to her impaired behavior.
Carol
I know a man with early-onset dementia whose wife did not believe he was truly sick because he could turn it on or off at will. I understand her frustration, but that attitude made an extremely challenging situation impossible. Please understand that the fact your mother can hold it together for short periods of time does not mean she is faking it the rest of the time.
I AGREE WITH ALL THAT'S BEEN SAID BUT, I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT
MEDICATION CAN ALSO ALTER THE MOODS. MY MOTHER WAS ON A COCKTAIL OF MEDS. I SLOWLY TRANSITIONED HER TO A COCKTAIL OF LITTLE MEDS LOTS OF VITAMINS. SHE IS MUCH CALMER AND MORE PEACEFUL. ONCE IN A WHILE SOMETHING MIGHT SURFACE AND IF I CHECK SHE MIGHT OF MISSED A DOSE OR TWO OF MEDS. SO I WOULD REVIST THE MEDS. SOMETIMES THE SIDE EFFECTS CAN BE WORSE THAN THE MEDS.
GOOD LUCK
DPRAYS
All of her doctors recommend that she go into an assisted living home. She agrees to their faces then as soon as we make arrangements to visit a place, she comes up with excuses not to go. A year ago, we had everything in place for her to move, and when her family started to take down her bed to move it, she refused to go anywhere! I had to call the assisted living place and get her deposit and first months rent back.
It's nice to know that I am not alone in this. I have talked to numerous "professionals" on this sort of thing, but no one can give me a clear answer. Dementia is so unpredictable and different in each person that no one can "clear" up the answers.
She also says that my sister doesn't visit her on a regular basis. But her guardian lawyer claims that she was lucid for the most part when he spoke with her for a short period of time and my mom "clearly" stated that she wants my sister to handle all of her affairs and just because I am the oldest doesn't mean that I should be in charge. I don't know if this lawyer spoke to my mother alone or if she was in the presence of others to be influenced by what she did. My mother constantly asks the same questions and states the same statements repeatedly so it's hard for me to understand that she was able to organize her thoughts and convey them to a visitor in a non-confusing way. She has since stated to me that she hasn't spoken to anyone. Previously she wasn't aware of the relationship of a relative to her. She is confused about where she is currently living, the day of the week, day to day things, and decisions. When my mother is asked about a statement that she made, she says that people are telling lies. This disease makes them focus on money and have unfortunate thoughts that someone is taking their money. There needs to be more awareness about this complex disease in the legal system. The changing personalities and moods of elderly with ALZ should be central in verifying the validity of the important papers (POA and Health Care Proxy) to anyone. I'm wondering if my mother is faking it or saying what she thinks she should to both of her daughters.